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GF of 5 years emotionally cheated on me, but it gets weirder

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The1stWife posted 2/9/2020 19:56 PM

It's like it was a one person cult,

Im concerned about this too. The AP sounds sick and twisted.

Get her out of his clutches if you can. I dont know if shes aware of what shes involved in or how odd this AP sounds.

DBFool2019 posted 2/10/2020 11:50 AM

You're not married.......run for the hills my friend!

This situation is so wild, just be thankful that there are no kids and no divorce lawyers. You dodged a bullet. Seems like you're a good partner, you stayed with her during her "suicide watch" for a week and have done your best in the relationship.

Thank your lucky stars that you didn't put a ring on it and let the little rat scurry along!

KatieKat posted 2/10/2020 11:58 AM

She IS a rat.

KingofNothing posted 2/10/2020 12:10 PM

This really reeks of a dom/sub kind of relationship to me. In any case, it's very very weird. You have your own standards for what you will put up with. Clearly she's crossed a lot of boundaries. Me, I don't see the upside of staying with her, she seems totally bamboozled by this scumbag. No, I don't know him personally but I do know he knew you both were in a relationship and he trespassed all over it. That's pretty scummy. I suspect it would be a serious uphill battle to get back to where you used to be. You're the only guy who can say if it's worth it.

Lalagirl posted 2/10/2020 13:19 PM

Im one of those that thinks there might be some danger here. He is manipulating and gaslighting her like crazy. It seems to me he was just a friend to her at first but it sounds like hes got sociopathic tendencies. This is a dangerous game hes playing with her mind. I dont know how far he would take this if he thought you were interfering with his relationship with her but he sounds dangerous to me. I suggest you go talk to a psychiatrist and get the skinny on just how to manage this. Im with the others here, I think this relationship is not good for you at all!

I was thinking the same thing. This dude is definitely a couple of fries short of a Happy Meal.

The1stWife posted 2/10/2020 13:36 PM

This dude is definitely a couple of fries short of a Happy Meal.

You know you are referring to the crazy psycho AP.

That comment is hilarious.

However I still say shes involved in an affair with a really dangerous guy. 🚩🚩🚩🚩

Chaos posted 2/10/2020 13:37 PM

I smell a rat alright - a 2 legged one.

GF - run. She isn't worthy of that title let alone others of fiance or spouse.

She showed you who she is - believe her.

But bait and RUN!

This0is0Fine posted 2/10/2020 13:41 PM

Another vote for just leaving. Not that you are looking for votes, but you have nothing solid keeping you here. The distress isn't worth it.

Thumos posted 2/10/2020 15:00 PM

Get her out of his clutches if you can. I dont know if shes aware of what shes involved in or how odd this AP sounds.

I don't think this is your responsibility. Your GF has or is about to complete a master's degree, so presumably she's an intelligent adult. She knows what she's doing. Not your job to rescue her, unless you believe she's in real danger or her life is in real peril. And even then, you can't force someone to make healthy decisions for themselves.

My advice and the advice of others here: Leave, and don't look back.

The1stWife posted 2/10/2020 15:45 PM

I still say you need to try to just get her away from this guy. Not to stay as your GF b/c that may be over.

But I do believe she is involved with a complete psycho.

Can you ask a professional counselor for some guidance? If this AP is a manipulative jerk she may not even see it right now.

Stronger4it posted 2/10/2020 15:50 PM

He'd tell her which doctors to go to, and even went with her and kept constant contact with her psychiatrist throughout her tests. He and the psychiatrist would talk for hours about her case, and he constantly tried to push this diagnosis onto her and the psychiatrist.

Really? Can psychiatrists, or any doctor, talk to friends about cases? There is a lie in there somewhere. Either they are not a real doctor or they are not discussing the case for hours.

Dismayed2012 posted 2/10/2020 16:24 PM

Sorry to hear about your situation. I agree that the other man you talk about sounds like a sociopath. Your g-friend also sounds like a basket case. It sounds like she wants to find something wrong with herself so she can use it as a crutch or perhaps just to be part of the autism club. In any case, she's seriously screwed up in the head. I'd suggest you dismiss both of them from your life. They are both nuts enough to try to do you in. The other man's considering you a problem that they needed to solve? That's seriously creepy murderess sounding sh*t. If I were you I'd be watching my back. Do yourself a solid and don't allow her back into your life. Block her from all of your online accounts. Don't ever contact her again and if she shows up on your doorstep, stay behind the door and don't ever allow her into your house. I don't think that you realize what you could be dealing with here. Please wrap your head around this and plan out how to save yourself if she and/or the other man decide to take care of their little 'problem' (you). I wish the best for you.

DoinBettr posted 2/10/2020 17:42 PM

Ask this question:
If she is not willing to fix her problem (this guy), then why would you stay in this relationship. Relationships are sacrifice and work. She isn't doing either, so why would you want to be with that? What have you given up to keep her healthy and stable and this guy keeps telling her to not improve herself.
You can't fix her, she has to fix herself.

longsadstory1952 posted 2/10/2020 23:35 PM

You make him sound like Rasputin and her like the Czarina. That didn't end well.

If they are already in this deep it will take more than a visit to a counselor. It will take serious therapy and it still might not take.

Some people are emotionally stunted and engage in self destructive behavior that is inexplicable. You never saw this trait in her before?

Whatever us really going on here it is amazing that no one at the school sees this. I understand your sadness and disbelief, but she seems already lost to you.

Lalagirl posted 2/11/2020 07:02 AM

They are both nuts enough to try to do you in. The other man's considering you a problem that they needed to solve?

^^^THIS. It was the first thought that popped into my mind from your very. first. post.

SeaUrchin posted 2/11/2020 11:59 AM

I smell a third rat

No psychiatrist is going to have lengthy conversations about his patient with an unrelated (or even related if it's an adult) third party

[This message edited by SeaUrchin at 12:00 PM, February 11th (Tuesday)]

RubixCubed posted 2/11/2020 22:57 PM

Why would you want to marry a cheater and why would you marry someone who cheats on tests so they can be labeled as autistic.
I hope these two never get a job that has to do with autistic kids. Both of them are sick.

Lalagirl posted 2/12/2020 06:03 AM

I hope these two never get a job that has to do with autistic kids.


T/J My brother (age 53) is autistic. We found out later that he went through a great deal of emotional and physical abuse in the "system" as a child/teen because they "thought" he would never tell. I honestly thought that kind of twisted shit was stuck in the 70s. Guess I was wrong. end T/J

Shame on both of them. Shame.

[This message edited by Lalagirl at 6:03 AM, February 12th (Wednesday)]

Fbtjax posted 2/12/2020 07:03 AM

Run. She's giving you a gift. It won't get any better if you stay together and end up married. Before you make a costly mistake, find someone who isn't playing games behind your back with someone else.

tushnurse posted 2/12/2020 07:23 AM

This is just plain old cheating.

One thing that is fairly consistent among AP's (affair partners) is the need to feel special w/ each other. Many here will tell you their partners felt they found their "Soul Mate" when they started their A's.
First and foremost "Soul Mates" is bullshit. Having someone complete you, is bullshit.

Your GF is sick. Her AP is sick. They are getting off on being labeled as someone "special" together they will be very "special" and live a dream life. It's all bullshit.

But the one thing you need to understand is that your GF is a broken person. Probably part of the reason she was so drawn into the field of psychology to begin with.
NOTHING you do or don't do will fix her, or get her to a point where she wants to fix herself. I would strongly encourage you to let her family know about the choices she has made, about her depression, and her attempting to manipulate others to get a diagnosis, then I would encourage you to walk away from this relationship. She is unwell and she has shown she is not trustworthy. If you choose to stay in this relationship she will destroy you and any chance you have at happiness.

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