I felt that bad that even though some of my tears were for her and her family's loss, a majority of them were for my mom
LD, take a look at the phrase above.
I had the same experience a couple of years ago attending the funeral of the father of one of my children's friends. I cried as though it was my own father's funeral, thirty years ago. I asked a couple of friends about it, and my IC, and they all said that it is normal to allow yourself to feel the loss of people you have loved when you are attending the funeral of someone you are not close to. It's normal, and human, and among those who are aware, it's expected.
During the period around my father's actual death, I was mostly in shock. And even if I had been able to grieve then, it's OK to relive that grief at someone else's funeral. As long as you don't distract or intrude on the grief of the family.
But in that sentence you wrote, you judged yourself, and condemned yourself, for a normal, reasonable and human reaction. For participating in the grief of loss and death during a funeral.
One of the problems that many waywards have, and I include myself, is that we are miscalibrated about what is right and what is wrong. It makes it very hard to trust your instincts when you realize that.
For me, I thought that what was wrong were things that gave negative social feedback (including negative social feedback I imagined in other people's heads - I read a LOT of negative reactions that probably didn't exist). And I thought what was right were things that came from positive social feedback. These beliefs came directly from FOO and the environment I was in when I was younger. It's a good thing I mostly surrounded myself with good people as a young adults, especially my husband, because in the wrong group that approach could have been very destructive (though in some ways it's a bad thing that I didn't implode earlier, because that would have given me more chances to fix myself up earlier in life, but no matter. I have a lot of years left, I hope).
So what do you do when you realize how wrong your instincts and assumptions are about what is right and what is wrong? It's hard to navigate life with a broken compass. Here's what I do: Notice when I feel shame, or feel like hiding, and realize I need to check it out (that is EXTREMELY hard and goes to the point about vulnerability - opening yourself up just when you feel most like hiding). A lot of the time (most? almost all) I find that I am not nearly as bad as I think I am. Suspend judgment, be curious and ask trusted people what they think. I'm able to ask my husband, but if you can't do that, be on the lookout for people you can trust. This will be such a good chance to deepen your relationships with them. Journaling can help. Once I get the shamed, childish response written down, the more adult voice comes out. IC, of course, as long as I am honest and curious and trust the IC. For me, reading the Bible and prayer has helped. I haven't had that much religious experience before, but looking with completely new eyes, taking ownership of what I need from study and prayer, has been the key.
All those things can help you think about your responses with a more calibrated view instead of automatically accepting the message that you are shameful when it comes to you. I think you hear and accept that message a lot more than you are aware, and it is a huge weight on your shoulders. Have you ever thought about what the word depression means? To depress something means to push it down. Once the weight of shame is off of you, you will be no longer pressed down by it.