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Just found out adultery is a criminal offense in my state

Virgo911 posted 10/9/2019 14:52 PM

I so do not want to be vindictive, but my WW is being a total b***, and extremely hurtful. I’m sure you’ve seen my original post. She cheated after 2 yrs of marriage, and continues to do so, with no remorse. It’s not even a secret anymore.

I’ve mostly been advised on here to get an attorney, and I finally spoke to one today. The damage I could do is unbelievable, but part of me just wants to be a bigger person, and just walk away. She’s ripped our family apart. As far as child support, not happening, because the kids are not ours together. We both brought one child each to the relationship. What should I do? Hit below the belt, or take the high road?

Marz posted 10/9/2019 14:57 PM

Adultery maybe against the law but that doesn't mean its enforceable.

Married only 2 years? Why waste your time on this.

Get out as fast as possible and don't look back.


Odonna posted 10/9/2019 14:59 PM

The only decision you should make right now is to wait to make a decision.....

Just take some time for yourself and your child. Do something positive and fun. And just ruminate on where you want to be in five-years time.

Do you want a continuing relationship with your step-child? Do you want her to co-parent your child? What do you envision (or what are the realistic options) when the dust settles and you are indifferent to her and have a new love? She is not coming back - and if she did you would not want the monster she has proven herself to be - so take that option out of the equation.

Do you have assets to split up? Maybe there will not be child-support but will there be spousal support either way? Is there some asset you want that you could leverage getting by not using this information to hurt her legally?

If you do seek revenge, how will you feel about yourself afterwards? what about in a year or 10 years?

Just think it all through. You have the luxury of time and control here.

tushnurse posted 10/9/2019 16:54 PM

I think you need to take a few days to think on it. Confer with close friends and family. Weigh your options. See another attorney for another opinion.

I wouldn't wait a long time as she is clearly being abusive. I would also encourage you to move her out of your bedroom. Take off your ring. Make sure she knows that you are done. Do not communicate with her unless necessary. She is getting some sick thrill out of hurting you. don't let her see it.

20yrsagoBS posted 10/9/2019 17:10 PM

Blow her world up, for YOUR closure.


The bigger person wouldn’t have had an affair

Zamboni posted 10/9/2019 17:20 PM

Your WW will likely have her own consequences to deal with eventually due to her shitty life choices.

Put your time and energy into building your new life and moving away from her.

Proving infidelity might just drag things out and make your D more costly and messy.


TheGuy123 posted 10/9/2019 19:29 PM

Hit below the belt....she will!!!

Think of it as a game of bangcock….if you play nice aad let her go first you will be on the ground, grapping your balls, and crying.....game over! She wins.


The only thing time will bring you is more emotional abuse.

[This message edited by TheGuy123 at 7:39 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)]

Walkingthewire posted 10/9/2019 21:42 PM

I'm in Virginia also and my mother did take my father's adultery to this extreme. She contacted his command and had him withdrawn from CPO select to E-6 which is where he retired from 6 months later after JAG was done with him. He could have served longer but he was 'a disgrace' to his country and that was not what they were about then. He already did his 20 years so they gave him retirement and pension. But if he hadn't he wouldn't have gotten his benies. I do know that.

Now IDK what the military would do, if anything. This was 1994.

Marie2792 posted 10/9/2019 21:57 PM

You need to get yourself out of infidelity however that may be. Your WW abusive and has no plans to give up her girlfriend. If you are financially able, I’d take my child and go. She doesn’t deserve you.

DjDjani posted 10/10/2019 03:20 AM

Give her hell! She deserved it!!

LostWillow posted 10/10/2019 03:31 AM

Its not about being the bigger person or being vindictive.

Its about you getting the better outcome for you and your child.

If she is left in a bad place its not because you Divorced her on infidelity grounds, it's because she committed the crime of infidelity.

Do go play bigger person and benefit her or help her in any way.

Just do whats best for you and your kid long term.

BigBlueEyes posted 10/10/2019 04:52 AM

Blow it up,

She isn't concerned for your feelings & future so why should you be concerned for hers?

Maybe if there was more repercussions for infidelity & mental abuse it wouldn't happen quite so often!

Odonna posted 10/10/2019 06:16 AM

Just take your time. And think about the step-child also; I am sure you do not want to compound what he/she will go through during the divorce and with such a fickle parent.

Crushed7 posted 10/10/2019 06:22 AM

Be practical. Go figure out what the outcome will likely be and how much it will cost you. More often than not, this nets the lawyers money and you little to nothing but the fact that the WS's actions are now public record. For some, that is worth it, but not for most.

If your state has alienation of affection laws, that could be a different story especially if the AP is single (i.e. there isn't another BS who would sue your WS back). There was a news story within the past 2 weeks about a significant judgement against an AP. Just note that there needs to be a good case that the marriage was strong and happy before the AP entered the picture.

On the surface of it all, it sounds like not wasting your time, money or energy on your WS would likely be the best move.

cocoplus5nuts posted 10/10/2019 06:29 AM

Do you know the probable outcome? You need to think of her child. How could this impact the child?

Is it only a criminal offense, or could you sue her in civil court, tol? If civil court is an option, that's what I would choose. You might be able to get some restitution from her.

Am I right in assuming from others' posts that you are still living and sleeping with this woman? Why? At the very least, separate bedrooms.

dblackstar2002 posted 10/10/2019 07:07 AM

She cheated after 2 yrs of marriage

Wow, She could not stay faithful for two years? Just count yourself extremely lucky and walk away. Take the high road unless her actions become dangerous or hurtful to you. And remember, If she will cheat with him, She will cheat on him. Remember this count yourself lucky and live a good life going forward...

allusions posted 10/10/2019 14:11 PM

From what I've read, it's very difficult to prove adultery even if the person admitted to it. Is it worth the time, effort, and added expense to try to prove she was unfaithful? If it were me, I'd just want to get out of the relationship and divorced as quickly, simply, and painlessly as possible and not drag things out in court.

ThisIsSoLonely posted 10/10/2019 14:19 PM

I would hold that card and play it if you need it. Vengance for the sake of vengance, for me personally, makes me feel like I have stooped to someone else's level. I'm not an eye-for-an-eye person though.

If things get nasty in the divorce, then use that to your advantage. Most likely if she gets counsel (and listens to them - as an attorney I can't tell you how many times that clients do not) they will advise her of that possibility and she may behave more reasonably - but in family law you can never count on that.

20yrsagoBS posted 10/10/2019 14:20 PM

Walking theWire,

My Cheater was active duty during his first few affairs. The Air Force did nothing to him for it. I wish they had! Why list it as a crime in the UCMJ if you don’t prosecute for it?

Leavenworth, Kansas and chopping rocks sounds like a great sentence

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