You write a DETAILED timeline. 12 pages over 25 years? Doesn’t sound very complete to me.
If I wanted ALL the details (and again, ask your BS what she wants), I’d suggest you start with the basic who, what, where, and when: eg Mary (coworker), intercourse in our marital bed, fall of 2008.... josephine (prostitute), handjob to orgasm, in our car, sept 19, 2010.
Add in Your thoughts and feelings, for instance:
**** I was worried about getting caught because I knew you might come home early because you had been feeling sick that week. But that worry also made it more risky, which was exciting.
**** I fantasized for weeks before the 1st sex with Jane in June 2014. That morning I dressed thinking about her taking off my clothes. I wondered what she would wear. I was thrilled with the anticipation, which made me feel young and alive.
**** Afterward, we cuddled for about 15-20 minutes, but it felt like a much longer time, because I was trying to find an excuse to get out of there.
**** I felt guilty when I left - both bc I broke my vows, and also bc I knew she wanted me to stay longer. And then I felt angry with myself. And I was angry with you for taking off work so I couldn’t spend more time with my AP, cuz I really wanted to take her out for a nice dinner, but I didn’t have an alibi to give you.
**** I was afraid you may figure it out when you saw my paycheck wasn’t as big as it should have been if I’d really been working overtime like I told you. I was relieved when you didn’t question it, as I thought for sure you would have added up the hours and known something was up.
**** The minute you told me you would be out of town for two nights, I began to plan having the AP come over. It was just a matter of getting the kids out of the house for a whole overnight. But when it happened, I got anxious and worried our DS would come home early, like he did before when he got sick.
**** I aways fantasized about an overnight with AP. We talked about it many times - how much we both wanted to wake up to each other, just once. But we could not come up with a lie we thought our spouses would believe.
And add more detail as you go- for instance:
****What you and AP wore
****The sexual play by play (IF BS wants it): eg, we kissed with tongues. I took off her shirt and bra and sucked her nipples while she rubbed her thighs against my penis, etc.
****How you and the AP met.
****How you each signaled (or discussed) sex was on the table
****Anything and everything you ever talked about (tv, sports, religion, whatever)?
****Discussions about you (and the AP if applicable) being married
****ANYTHING said to an AP about your wife or kids or family (whether positive or not)
****Any money spent (hotels, gifts, meals, drinks, etc)
My suspicion is that WSs want a “checklist” of what to do. And IMHO, that may be a problem. The point (or one of them) is for the WS to DIG DEEP on their own. For instance, my gut tells me my WH remembers details about the sex that he has not disclosed. I believe his shame tells him to minimize... and maybe even tells him to lie to himself. To me, that is a bad sign of continued wayward thought processes. It also open the door for my lizard brain to tell me he is still NOT to be trusted with anything (lizard brains don’t see gray- its job is to see the world in pure black & white - fear or safety). See the problem?
And then offer to take a polygraph. Get the names and numbers of poly examiners in your area. Call them and ask if they do this kind of thing. Get their experience. Write it all down and give it to your BW. Even if she never uses one tidbit of that info, it sends a message that you are being proactive
[This message edited by gmc94 at 8:20 AM, October 23rd, 2019 (Wednesday)]