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possible stalker (online)

nowYOUseeME posted 6/17/2019 01:09 AM

so i am more a lurker than a poster. i use the information on this site to help me ask my therapist on what to work through.

I keep getting phone calls that are the wrong number. its been about 10 different numbers in the last 6 days but all the same womans voice. i have not told WH as i am worried this is the crazy AP trying to find a way back into my WH life. hubs and i have a joint email we have since we first moved in with each other. this email is now being spammed and i have been signed up to dating sites. WH thinks its just the usual spam but i think its someone signing me up.

i am not sure what i am asking. my brain is a mess and i dont know how to handle the calls. i have no proof its her. if it is her i dont get why she is doing this as she is on her third married man right now.

any guidance would be welcomed right now.

ForeverGrey posted 6/17/2019 01:33 AM

Is the OW's name Lydia, by any chance? This sound exactly like my WH's OW. She did the same to me and even had other kids bully and terrorize my daughter at school! She is a convicted prostitute, married and has kids. She is extremely dangerous and calculated.

The1stWife posted 6/17/2019 03:42 AM

The signing up for dating sites is bizarre. Someone has to do that.

I get junk e-mail all the time for random sex encounters. It goes to my spam folder. I donít think itís the OW at all. Someone got my email address- but it is different emails.

Maybe someone you know has an email account that wa hacked - that could account fir some of it. But the dating site contact info - that is creepy and not random.

Lalagirl posted 6/17/2019 06:06 AM

((((nowYOUseeME)))

That must be very unnerving; I'm so sorry.

The first thing I would do is deactivate your current e-mail address and create a new one. Only give it out to trusted friends, family, etc. I know it's not convenient, but it will save your sanity.

The phone calls could possibly be robo calls (same person will call from several numbers). What is the woman saying?

edited for typo

[This message edited by Lalagirl at 6:06 AM, June 17th (Monday)]

Robert22205https posted 6/17/2019 06:56 AM

Change all phone numbers, close all social media accounts (go dark for 90 days).

Alternatively, unless you know a caller, let the call go to recording. Just answering the phone gives a stalker a 'high'.

Chaos posted 6/17/2019 07:03 AM

Ignore what you can

Let calls go to VM

Block the numbers where you can

Direct emails to a Spam Folder

IF and only IF it is her - don't give her the satisfaction.

NOTE: After doing lots of research, etc. on infidelity - I get email notifications all the time from dating sites, etc. Your google searches, etc. are profiled.

rugswept posted 6/17/2019 07:18 AM

yeah, pretty much as others have said.

yes, it's her. who else? she feels left out. yeah, we BS do too.

just treat her as the nuisance she is. kinda like plugging up a leaky boat. you find a hole, you plug it to keep the water from coming in. any phone call you don't know, don't answer. listen to voice until you know... then block.

all other social media...block. accept NO friend requests, anywhere, unless you have proof positive it's someone you really know.

she's really bad for R. the reason she's doing all this is that R is working. you're making progress, she's not. she's the enemy of R and very big on D, for you and WH, as soon as possible.

keep WH out of it, as possible. i'm thinking he just wants her to go away.

R is work

swmnbc posted 6/17/2019 07:27 AM

There are apps that allow you to unmask callers that are spoofing their number. They work because you set your phone up to forward the call to a 1-800 number. Callers are not allowed to hide their real number from a 1-800 number. This could give you confirmation. If you don't recognize the number, forward the call to the app.

For the dating sites I'm sure you have to verify your email, so you can just click unsubscribe if you don't want to go to the trouble of getting a new email.

Yes, my money is on OW doing this. She sounds like a real nice person.

Charity411 posted 6/17/2019 08:24 AM

I think its the OW too. Robo calls won't all be the same voice. And like others have said, there is a way to make a bogus phone number show up on caller ID.

The OW in my case was calling many times a day and just hanging up if I answered the call. The unusual problem with that was that she was calling the 800 number for our business and they were long distance calls that I was paying for. I couldn't change my number because it was a Bed and Breakfast and all our listings would have the wrong number. Sigh.

These people have a special place in hell as far as I'm concerned.

CaptainRogers posted 6/17/2019 08:52 AM

Could be any type of person who is being a general nuisance. Had a fired employee from another advisor in our office who was such an asshat that she signed everyone up for every "free" thing she could find. Magazines, websites, trial products, everything. Eventually, we had to get a cease & desist order for her to quit sending out our information (she used everyone's work address/phone/email).

I wouldn't put credence to the "stalker" component. But whomever it is that has given out your info is a jackass who thinks they are "getting even". What they don't realize is that the cause of all the problems in their life stare them in the mirror each and every day.

As to the robo calls with the same voice but different numbers...I actually get these all the time. Different numbers, different names used, but the exact same women's voice telling me that I need to call immediately about "an issue with your federal student loans." Funny thing about that...not only do I not have loans, I have NEVER had a federal student loan.

[This message edited by CaptainRogers at 8:56 AM, June 17th (Monday)]

StillLivin posted 6/17/2019 11:35 AM

It's a huge inconvenience, but the only thing you can do is to change phone numbers and emails and let contacts know the new number and email. If you are cybersecurity savvy, then you could get the IP address, and if you wanted to pay out a lot of money, you could file a restraing order, but the burden of proof falls on you to prove it is this woman.
I dont answer the phone and send all unrecognizable numbers, unlisted numbers, and blocked numbers to voicemail. If they dont leave a message, I then block them. My X's AP stalked me. I changed everything except my phone number, to include social media. She found my new social media and the crazy ramped up again for a bit. But i just dont care. Whenever i suspect it's her, or her people, i just block again. Sorry you're dealing with this.

deephurt posted 6/17/2019 11:50 AM

There was a period of time that I got hang up calls all day long. No caller id. Then we started to get them from random phone booths. It had never happened before so I knew it was ap.

I ignored it and she eventually gave up. It took a long time but imho if you ignore it and donít show her itís bithering you, she will give it up. In my case ap have that up and then went to another form of harassment where I knew it was her but I stayed calm and hung up or ignored her and she then went to Facebook and made up fake users to send me messages and then deleted the user. I ignored that also and she has gone away.

It just shows how desperate and pathetic they are.

Lalagirl posted 6/18/2019 05:46 AM

T/J

As to the robo calls with the same voice but different numbers...I actually get these all the time. Different numbers, different names used, but the exact same women's voice telling me that I need to call immediately about "an issue with your federal student loans." Funny thing about that...not only do I not have loans, I have NEVER had a federal student loan.

@Cap'n - we must have the same "rep!" end T/J

@NYSM - still curious as to what the woman is saying when she calls.

[This message edited by Lalagirl at 5:46 AM, June 18th (Tuesday)]

Alonelyagain posted 6/18/2019 06:24 AM

Iíll echo what others have said about robo-calls. Every day or two, I get a call from a number with the same area code and first three digits of my phone number but differing last four digits. All the time! If I didnít know it was a robo-call, I would swear that I had a stalker too!

humantrampoline posted 6/18/2019 09:34 AM

I get the robo calls with a few last digits of my number different. I stopped answering any call that's not on my contact list.

Interestingly, my WH's email has been signed up to dating sites POF and Oasis and to MyLife recently. It wouldn't make sense for him to be doing it on that email. The sites need confirmation of the email to create a profile/account. The profile names are also women's names. He's had the email since around 2007, and it's listed as the contact for some domains and other websites where it could be easily scraped. I assumed it's a harmless mistake by someone just learning about internet dating, but I have no idea.

Notthevictem posted 6/18/2019 14:55 PM

Fart into the phone! :)

nowYOUseeME posted 6/18/2019 19:26 PM

thanks everyone.

they are mobile numbers calling my phone not landline. My number is listed on my work site, i dont have a 2nd phone as i hated having two phones. so no point changing my number.

we are dumping the old email. 20 years we have had it, we are looking at it as a part or R. we are still in recovery i am not ready for R so its just another stepping stone.

my profile is on a few dating sites so someone has been busy. luckily she does not know we have moved, she thinks i am still based a 4 hour flight away so it has that town listed not current town. i finally got onto the profiles and its nice to know lots of men are interested in a hook up. was interesting to be sent so many dick pics. so i have deleted the profiles and i feel good.

it makes me laugh that someone is so bored in life that they are doing this. i am not letting this de rail my recovery, i am awesome and i will keep moving forward. i think this has made me realize how despearte she is. She works with a freind of mine (she does not know) and she keeps talking about WH and how much she loves him and he will be back for her. apparently she is irresistible to all men.

humantrampoline posted 6/19/2019 03:17 AM

If your profile and pictures are on the dating websites, I'd say it's definitely her. Also, AP telling your friend your husband will be back is a big indicator. She's creepy. The phone calls may be hers too. Sorry it's your work phone.

You could probably take legal action. It might be necessary at some point. I'd guess she's not even smart enough to cover her IP through a VPN. The dating websites might give that info to you.

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