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Headed for divorce now

Betrayed0400 posted 6/16/2019 01:53 AM

First post here, even though it has been one year since DDay. During the first two years of marriage, my WW had a LTA with a coworker. After revealing the affair to me once it ended, we struggled severely but decided to make an attempt for reconciliation. She went to therapy for a long while, and made all the right moves towards reconciliation. She was entirely transparent about the affair, what led her to it, and the changes she was making in her life to prevent it from happening again.

A week ago, out of the blue, she told me she wanted a divorce. Since then she has been fucking randoms all week from tinder. She even hooked up with some of her recently graduated high school students. I donít know what I hope to gain from posting this, but I am just angry and disgusted. Angry that she had the initial affair, angry that she let me suffer through this last year of attempted reconciliation, and angry that she respects me, herself, and our history together so little. Disgusted that sheís so casual about being with 18 year old students that she taught this whole past year. She couldnít even wait until the divorce proceedings got started to go crazy. She went from ďcommitted to our marriageĒ to fucking anyone she can get her hands on in just one day. (Iím sure doing this has been her plan for a while, but that is just how it feels).

I know I am dodging a bullet since we donít have any kids together and can make a clean break, but itís still heartbreaking. I know Iíll be better off without her. And yet I find myself wanting to talk to her like sheís still my best friend. Off to therapy with me...

GoldenR posted 6/16/2019 03:37 AM

Use her behavior as a bargaining chip in the D to get a favorable settlement. While not illegal, what she's doing could still cost her her job and if not that, the respect of coworkers.

fareast posted 6/16/2019 04:16 AM

Exactly what Golden R said. Use it to your advantage in the D process. I am sorry you are going through this. You know she is playing with fire. I donít care if they are young adults, parents and school officials ainít going to be happy. And you know one of the young men is going to go bragginí. Sheís headed off a cliff totally broken. Please get tested for STDís. Please know this had nothing to do with you. She is totally fucked up. Good luck.

rugswept posted 6/16/2019 04:48 AM

D is the ONLY option at this point.

we're so sorry this happened to you. this is a really troubling story. so painful and so wrong.

we're used to seeing tough situations here. your situation is leaving me shaking my head. WTF happened to her?

she definitely has to be removed from the school system. she is now a threat to the development and well being of her students. VERY soon stories about her will spread throughout the student body.

you have to inform the school administration of what you know about her actions. they'll take it from there, believe it.

you have to try to convince her to seek professional help. if she went this insane this fast, she's had some major mental breakdown and could become suicidal, especially as she reflects on what she's done.

proceed with D, you must not look back, at all, once you have done the above. it's what one of the other posters said: get whatever proof you can of her behavior so you can get a better D settlement.

then, move on with your life. this is such a horrible story that the only thing you can do is put it behind you.

Tren0R201 posted 6/16/2019 05:43 AM

I would wait until the divorce is over then expose her to her workplace. She loses her job now she'll be after you for more money.

Play it smart. You've dodged a bullet, the things she's doing will not be secret for long, divorce now and leave this wreck with your reputation and most importantly b*lls intact.

The1stWife posted 6/16/2019 06:22 AM

Is she on drugs too? She sounds unhinged in my opinion. So sorry for you.

Get the D done ASAP. Then report her. Though these ďkidsĒ are 18 the fact they were students will not sit well with the Board of Education. She will be viewed as a liability.

And it may only be a matter of time that she books up with a minor. And you donít want to be footing that legal bill.

cocoplus5nuts posted 6/16/2019 07:23 AM

She is totally fucked up.


I'm so sorry. She has lost it. I agree to wait until after the D settlement to expose her at work.

Sadly, it sounds like you never actually had a marriage. She was cheating the entire time, maybe even before.

Could you get an annulment instead of a D?

KonaGal posted 6/16/2019 07:54 AM

Check with an attorney for state specific rules. Your marriage was pretty short and there may not even be any alimony awarded. And if there would be, a settled divorce doesnít mean that no one could ever go back and try getting more if circumstances change dramatically.

Iím really sorry that youíre in this situation. If it at all helps, one of my good friends married a psycho cheating, cocaine addict, which he of course didnít know at the time, divorced before children were involved and is now married to a wonderful woman and has three adorable children. I wonít lie, it was rough for a while as he tried to make sense of what happened but now itís something we joke about.

NoOptTo posted 6/16/2019 08:13 AM

You have a lot of power now that you know you are proceeding to D. I agree that you should use your knowledge of her screwing recently graduates off of tinder to your advantage quickly. News of her doing HS guys will begin to spread because young guys live to gloat about their conquests. Get lawyered up, make the D provisions in your favor for a quick D. Get her out of your life ASAP...... Then let her job know about her actions. She is setting a bad example on the role model a teacher should be. She may even start inappropriately behaving with actual students next. If she doesn't have tenure yet, she will be kissing her job good bye. If she does, they will find out her behavior and then fire her under child endangerment clauses in her contract with the district. This has happened twice recently in our district over the past 6 years. Both times the district was able to keep it quiet as they got the two teachers out of the classrooms and eventually fired.

Betrayed0400 posted 6/16/2019 13:27 PM

Thanks to everyone for the good advice. She will no longer be in the classroom next year for other reasons, so that part of it has taken care of itself.

I feel the same confusion as rugswept. No idea what happened to her and why she is making these decisions. Definitely not a picture of mental stability.

Hoping for a mostly amicable divorce... she seems to just want out of the marriage without any alimony and nothing other than equally split assets. That would be perfectly fine with me, but will be prepared for anything to happen.

RocketRaccoon posted 6/16/2019 21:59 PM

Good! Try and expedite the D as fast as you can.

There have been cases where the WS turns around, and fights for a bigger chunk from the M. This is sometimes due to their APs egging them on (so that they can get you to pay for a cosy nest for them.)

Hurtbeyondtime posted 6/16/2019 23:43 PM

You need to report her to the police.. she is obviously not right in the head having sex with xstudents and minors at that..
Judge should give you everything after that..
tell your Lawyer about this too.

Itís painful but be glad you got rid of her. Thankfully you donít have children together.

[This message edited by Hurtbeyondtime at 11:44 PM, June 16th (Sunday)]

ibonnie posted 6/16/2019 23:59 PM

She even hooked up with some of her recently graduated high school students.†

PLEASE notify the school/school board and the parents. 18 may legally be an "adult," but they're still kids.

MamaDragon posted 6/17/2019 07:51 AM

If she is hooking up with her recently graduated students now, something happened in the previous year. No way will an 18 year old be hanging out where your wife would be to suddenly be able to hook up.

numb&dumb posted 6/17/2019 10:10 AM

Yes it sounds that either substance abuse and/or mental health issues are at play here.

Was the change sudden ? Did she start to withdraw from you or just out of the blue one day said she wanted a divorce.

Betrayed0400 posted 6/17/2019 10:52 AM

I had noticed she was withdrawing for several weeks, but none of our conversations led me to believe she was considering divorce or doing anything like what happened this past week. Definitely think something snapped for her to have such a sudden shift in behavior.

Won't be going to the police or anything like that... Going to move forward with divorce and be amicable about things.

fallendown posted 6/17/2019 11:08 AM

Man that's hectic dude, so sorry to hear you are in this situation.

As others have said, get on with the D quickly as possible, don't have second thoughts (even if she does). Be prepared that she may

Man that's hectic dude, so sorry to hear you are in this situation.

As others have said, get on with the D quickly as possible, don't have second thoughts (even if she does). Be prepared that she may change her mind when she comes down from wherever she is. It really doesn't sound like she will ever be a safe partner.

My ex behaved in a similar way. I busted her cheating and left, next day I came to the house to see my daughter and found a Coworker of my WWs there, who wasn't the AP! My ex also ended up screwing a student from the college she worked at. She was diagnosed bipolar soon after I left her.

Save yourself man. All the best to you.

survrus posted 6/17/2019 18:02 PM


Get out before your name gets trashed along with hers.

You might want to dime her out because her behavior is border line criminal, and might be criminal if one of the kids is lying about his age.

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