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WW:"How dare you go behind my back." Really?

Exod1414 posted 5/26/2019 17:10 PM

Perpetual lurker posting for the first time in a long time. There's so much that's happened I've wanted to post about, but one thing has really gotten me today.
Brief background on recent events. STBXWW initiated D a few weeks ago, and I was honestly relieved. I never wanted any of this, and I felt she needed to finish what she started. For 18mo I've had visitation with my kids, including DsD12. Last year her father reached out to me, and while conflicted, I responded, something in my conscience. I'm glad I did. Exchanging information, screenshots of texts, etc, I came to realize I had been lied to about him for years. I was told early on things that began to sound eerily similar to things WW had started saying about me around DDay. He was visiting DsD when I came in the picture, but disappeared a few years later, and I was told he had stopped contact. This was a lie. I've seen the texts, years worth, asking, begging, pleading to see his daughter. And I've seen her heartless responses, all the while she told me he didn't care about DsD. This was part of the reason I allowed DsD to start calling me dad four years ago, and I started introducing her as my own DD.
Finding out the truth ate at me for a year. WW illegally kept him from seeing her for 6 years, so I invited him to see her during one of my weekends.
I knew WW would find out. I planned specifically to tell her myself, but I also knew it would spell the end of my visits with DsD. Sure enough, WW called the same night. She called me and texted DsD's father, vowing neither of us would see her again. And of all the things to come out her mouth, she was angry that we "went behind her back". I sat here for days thinking about that. She carried on an affair behind my back. Slept with this man in our home while I was in the hospital behind my back. And she has the gall...
The ends and outs of my facilitating the reunion of DsD and her father is for another discussion, except it was absolutely the right thing to do. I just can't wrap my head around wayward thinking no matter how much I try.
Anyway, time to update my story, the details will be there,hopefully.

BearlyBreathing posted 5/26/2019 17:15 PM

Exod ó your WH is very special kind of cruel. Your poor DsD12! I am so glad she has contact with her bio dad and will be able to determine the kind of relationship she wants with him.
And I hope that you are able to stay in her life if that is your choiceó you are certainly dad to her as well.

Honestly, I just don't understand parents who hurt their children. And yeah, the hypocrisy of WS is staggering sometimes.

annb posted 5/26/2019 18:11 PM

What do each of your attorneys say about having visitation?

cocoplus5nuts posted 5/26/2019 19:06 PM

I was going to ask about attorneys, too. Why hasn't bio dad gotten a court order for visitation?

Exod1414 posted 5/26/2019 21:31 PM

Bearly, WW kept true to her word, but both he and I are planning to fight for our kids. It did take this to shake him out of deference.

Ann, Coco, no custody was determined for either of us. DsD's dad I can't answer for completely, but what I know is that he ran into financial trouble in 2013 that he couldn't visit her for a time, but as I said I was lied to after, and WW had just kept her from him since then. In his words, he was trying not to anger WW, and never sought legal help. I've educated him that this could not only get him visitation, but alienation might even get him custody, and he's now contacting attorneys.

I was still extremely sick at S when WW kicked me out of the house to move AP in (which I only recently found out). Effectively, I was homeless the first few weeks, and I've been fighting my way back to stability to fight back. 18 mo later I have a car, apartment, I'm in school for nursing, Presidents list, Dean's list, Phi Theta Kappa and got my CNA. If she had filed a year ago, I wouldn't have been as ready, but now it's a different story.

Also, I recently began contacting OBS, and got a ton of info for my case. She knew far more than I did, and over 18 mo I had gathered a lot.

66charger posted 5/26/2019 22:23 PM

Standing ovation for bringing father and daughter together.

As a father, I would like to buy you a beer.

[This message edited by 66charger at 10:26 PM, May 26th (Sunday)]

The1stWife posted 5/27/2019 05:46 AM

You will be rewarded in life for doing what you did to get the father and daughter back together.

Glad to see that you are surviving infidelity and have taken some positive steps.

Keep on the path you are on - your life can only get better.

josiep posted 5/27/2019 07:06 AM

Nice to read this today. Sometimes I wonder why I keep coming to SI so much and your story helped me realize that at least part of the reason is, I love reading a post and thinking "Oh, what a kind and decent man." For a multitude of reasons, I don't seem to meet many of them in real life so anyway, I'm so heart-warmed to read that you didn't hesitate to do the right thing, even though it might have negative consequences for you down the road. But between you and DsD's Dad and OBS, I think you'll make a good team going forward and making sure the lives of the children are made whole again. If I was a rich person, I'd give you a big reward. But I'm not so you get an emoji.

Hmmmm, wish there was one with a Thumbs Up!

deephurt posted 5/27/2019 07:45 AM

Iím so proud of you for bringing daughter and a dad back together. That is truly a wonderful thing that you did.

Iím sure/hope dsd will be dishing out her resentment towards her mother at some point. I canít imagine finding out that my own mother kept my father from seeing me.

Iím glad you have so much positive going on in your life and I have good feelings about you getting lots of
Visitation also.

Good job.

fareast posted 5/27/2019 07:48 AM


Glad you did the right thing, and itís good to see you are moving on to a better life. Good luck.

Wool94 posted 5/27/2019 07:52 AM

Thank you Exod1414! I needed that today.

It took me a little while to figure out what DsD stood for though.

[This message edited by Wool94 at 7:52 AM, May 27th (Monday)]

Chrysalis123 posted 5/27/2019 07:53 AM

To me her behavior is more diabolical than the typical affair. It's sociopathic and/or narcissitic

She only cares about herself. The kid is a pawn used to punish anyone that gets in her way.

I predict when she is cornered by your attorneys she will spin all sorts of outrageous lies to save herself without a care in the world for you 2 men, or the children.

Therefore document everything. And by everythingI mean just that. Even something you think might be irrelevant, it could be the item that allows you to get the best settlement in court.

Save all texts and emails, create a log. Create email chains to document. Do not trust anything that comes from her and in fact do a hard 180.

cocoplus5nuts posted 5/27/2019 08:55 AM

^^^^^ Agree

She sounds like a dangerous person. I am so sorry you got caught up with her. I would try my best to get those kids away from her. Who knows what kind of damage she is doing to them.

sisoon posted 5/27/2019 10:23 AM

Way to go - not just with DsD and her father (or is that W's father?), but also with school, apartment, car, and all that goes with those accomplishments!

Exod1414 posted 5/27/2019 13:02 PM

You guys have to know how much any amount of support means right now. The night I took them (her) back, I knew deep down it was the last night I'd see her. I kept hugging her, trying to remind her of all the little principles I've tried to teach her over the years - it felt like I was trying to cram the next six years of her minority into a few hours of daddying.

Anyway. 66charger, I'll gladly take you up if the opportunity presents itself.

Chrysalis123, I literally came here to document something related. I'm going through fours years of texts, 2014-2017, and a funny thing happened. A year ago, I could barely look at photos, cards, anything from the M without chest pain and tears. Today, I've caught myself laughing at us joking together all those years ago. I think for the first time I really understand I'm going to be ok.

LuvsMeLuvsMeNot posted 5/27/2019 13:06 PM

ďThe hypocrisy of WS is staggering sometimesĒ
This ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

NoOptTo posted 5/27/2019 14:29 PM

It is so refreshing seeing someone doing the right thing for the child. Though you knew your days were numbered already with DsD, you one upped your WW by letting DsD bio dad get time to see her after so many years. YOU ROCK MY FRIEND.

Though your going through this shitstorm. You will come out the other side stronger and more confident knowing you did the best you could for a child .

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