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Think I'm in false Reconciliation

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ChocolateThief posted 5/22/2019 18:17 PM

Well he has point blank said no to a GPS tracker. He is 100% hiding something. Think the conversation tomorrow about next steps will be one purely around how to manage a divorce now and how to get the rest of his crap out of the house for good. I just can't get my head around how someone who says he wants to fix it, can possibly continue to act like this and be quite honestly a royal arsehole. I've had enough.

I am worth so so so so much more than this! How dare he treat me like this!

I'm really going to need some good positive wishes my way to remain strong tomorrow through this. I need to not think about how this will impact the kids negatively and remind myself I don't want his influence around the kids at all

I think my biggest worries now are financially how the hell I am going to really cope. I have so much debt and he blew our savings so there is nothing. And how the hell do you cope with when WH and OW get together? IT is inevitable i think!

Lp0725 posted 5/22/2019 18:40 PM

You are doing what's best for your kids by divorcing this remorseless cheating selfish excuse for a father and husband. Don't doubt yourself or act out of fear. Don't meet with him tomorrow. Go see an attorney first ASAP. You need to protect your and your children's interests. Don't show him your hand.

Chaos posted 5/22/2019 18:47 PM

There is an old saying - If you have to ask, you already know.

Focus on YOU ChocolateTheif.

Buster123 posted 5/22/2019 19:28 PM

Don't tell him anything and do a hard 180, just file for D and have him served at work without warning, he will have until it's final to come around and SHOW you he's remorseful, come clean, offer FULL on demand access to his phone and ALL his electronic devices, allow a GPS tracker, get tested for STDs, commit to intense IC, plus sign a postnup in your favor in case he cheats again, all that just for you to CONSIDER R, if D papers don't shock him back to reality, nothing will, if so just let D run its course and get out of infidelity, you deserve much better.

steadychevy posted 5/23/2019 06:06 AM

It's what is done after DDay, ChocolateThief, that can determine what path to choose. From your post it appears he's really displaying wayward behavior - secrecy, lies of commission and omission, undisclosed change of plans and itinerary, "just friend" of the opposite sex, turning away from you for intimacy. It appears to me he's shitting on the gift of R you gave him. When they show you who they are, believe them. His actions tell the story. See a lawyer and find out your rights.

The1stWife posted 5/23/2019 06:15 AM

Google Affair Fog. It will give you insight into his mindset and actions.

As you know there is very little you can do to end his affair. That has to be something he chooses.

However you donít have to stand by and live with his infidelity either. You can separate or do the 180 if you are living together. You can come for D.

Point is his actions have consistently shown you he is not being honest, heís cheating and not interested in reconciliation right now.

He may not realize but you get to a point that there is no turning back. And when he decides to focus on the marriage it may be too late and you have moved on.

Marz posted 5/23/2019 07:22 AM

You aren't in R it's false. Happens a lot. Never be someone's plan B fall back.

Stop feeding this cake eater. They just want more cake.

You're reading the signs right but you're understandably hesitant like most to actually do anything.

You fear pushing him farther away? Don't be he's already left.

Strength and not willing to live in infidelity maybe the best way to bring him back if that's possible.

Staying where you are just extends your stay in limbo. The reality is limbo is a self imposed state. No one can keep you there but you.

ChocolateThief posted 5/23/2019 10:13 AM

Well day 1 here in getting my mind in the right place.

I'm confident what I need to do now is file for divorce. He has shown me nothing but disrespect and until last weekend I really thought we were going somewhere but I'm so sure he has started contact with AP again or found a new one.

I've arranged a few appointments with a couple of lawyers in town to understand my rights but ultimately i need to get finances and childcare agreements agreed before I can file here. I am going to book in for a mediation to go through everything. I just want this over as quickly as possibly now but still want to get what I'm entitled to. We have no property so it shouldn't be too complicated but I'll be making damn sure he continues to provide for our kids. I can't manage on my salary alone with the debt payments i need to make each month, even cutting back on luxury items. Honestly i'm getting more angry at all of this as i shouldn't never have been in that financial position if it wasn't for him anyway!

Beachwalker posted 5/23/2019 15:11 PM

Choc: I seem to be in a similar boat as you with my WW. I am sure the relationship is still ongoing with one of her OM, but I have no concrete proof of such. Someone on this site shared with me that they were looking at their WWís phone and accused her of texting the OM after she said the A was over. Later, he discovered he had looked at the phone number incorrectly and it was a message to someone else.

I donít want to make that mistake with my WW because the next step is D. I want to be able to look back at this moment and see not only for myself, but to prove to my children the A wasnít over, that the NC rule had definitely been broken. So, I looked up phone trackers and there is one that is free, and some that are just a few bucks a month that have a key logger and let you listen to phone conversations. This might just give you the one extra shove to file for D. I know I would rather be 125% positive the Aís were not over before I take that final step, just to provide my own peace of mind that D was right.

Financially for me it will be a struggle, too, but I know it would be the right decision for me and my children still at home. I donít want a serial cheater and liar to raise my children, nor do I want to convey to my kids that this behavior is acceptable.

Get to a counselor. Take care of yourself and your children. Youíre thinking clearly, now. And, you are not alone.

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