I've been dating a very kind, supportive, patient man for 1.5 years now. He lives an hour away so I have lots of space during the week to spend with my 8-year-old daughter, who I raise single-handedly. D-day and separation occurred nearly 3 years ago. Ex WH moved out-of-state within 3 months of Dday to be with OW, who was pregnant with their child. He's seen our daughter 1 weekend a month, on average, since we separated. We divorced last July.
My new man is very different from my ex in many ways. He is a good man with a great relationship with his parents and extended family. People genuinely like him and respect him. He is personable and generous and helpful. He is not selfish or cruel. He is confident.
My Ex, whom I dated for 5 years and was married to for 13 years, was not kind or helpful or personable. He could do nice and thoughtful things, but overall he was not a good man. He mocked me, lied to me, deceived me. He always put himself before everyone. He had no relationship with his family and few friends. Since the first time I caught him cheating 5 years into Our marriage, I didnt feel particularly safe And I knew he wasn't trustworthy. For many years I walked on eggshells constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Now that I am free from my Ex, I finally feel safe. I have a good job and a nice home, which can occasionally be overwhelming. I enjoy having a weekend boyfriend- someone to hang out with, laugh with, bounce ideas off of, and do fun activities with. We enjoy doing many of the same things- walking our dogs, hiking, camping, eating out, etc. He is good with my daughter, although lately she's been expressing some jealousy. The major problem is that he wants to get married and I just....don't. I like having my time alone with my daughter during the week, which typically involves extra curricular activities, homework, dog walking, dinner prep, bedtime routine, and then an hour of "me" time reading or watching tv before bed. I don't want another man in my space- another person to care for, clean up after, and entertain after daughter goes to bed and I just want to veg before bed.
So....what do I do? Boyfriend is in his mid-40s but has never been married so he doesn't know how miserable it can be. I've told him my negative view of marriage and that I know of few that are happy. I told him that I believe marriage destroys most otherwise happy relationships. I've told him that I felt trapped for a good portion of my marriage and humiliated when I found out about the affairs. Still....he keeps mentioning marriage and when we will move in together.
Do you think I should break up with him? I care about him and love him. He says that I'm his one in a million and he wants to share his life with me, but I'm not sure that I ever want to marry again. Also, I am afraid of moving in together because of my daughter. What sort of message does that send an 8-year-old? Will she feel uncomfortable in her own home? I don't want to be alone and I enjoy the time we spend together, but how do I reconcile his desire to get married with my desire to keep the status quo? So confused. Any suggestions would be much appreciated. Thanks in advance.