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What the Hell Next? update, pg 2

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GrayShades posted 5/3/2019 12:41 PM

Hang in there Skan. Your mightiness shows in every word you've written here, and it's exactly those qualities that make you mighty that also make this so damn hard for you. You are empathetic, compassionate, and authentic, rarities in the world today. I'm sorry.

numb&dumb posted 5/3/2019 14:12 PM


You are an intelligent, resilient, and caring person. Not just saying that : )

You have been heard.

sisoon posted 5/3/2019 14:29 PM

I'm sorry you had to be the messenger. I don;t think you had much of a choice.

I know this has been a terrible and terribly long period of grief and stress. Remember: you did nothing to deserve this. It's not Karma for anything you did.

Keep breathing slow deep breaths....

Arthur posted 5/3/2019 15:07 PM

Hi Skan,

Stay true to yourself and guard your heart. I've read your profile, your last thread and several of your post: I am impressed.

I live in a retirement village and suspect more than a few "marriage on paper." (Not the one in central Florida with the highest VD rate in the nation.). Rather they live simply with someone with common activities. If you lived here I could see you having an active social life while your spouse spends most of his time quietly at home.

Be careful of your relationship with your Bf widowed husband and your boss, they may want more than you can give.

BearlyBreathing posted 5/7/2019 00:30 AM

When it rains, sometimes itís a freakin monsoon.

Rally your troops, including us here at SI, and get through today, then tomorrow and keep repeating that.

Just one day at a time.

Tallgirl posted 5/8/2019 06:16 AM

Hope you are ok.

Skan posted 5/8/2019 12:31 PM

What a strange ride this has been! Boss and I finally talked yesterday. Seems this really is a case where what I saw is not what I thought I saw. And as y-all know me for being a pretty suspicious person, thatís saying a lot.

Before the camera incident, wife (W) and I were in my office, and dear friend (DF) walked in. DF was delighted to see W and they exchanged a hug. DF wears a very distinctive aftershave lotion. Jokes were made that now W smelled like DF, and I agreed that DF had a habit of scent-marking people. We all laugh. DF leaves and eventually W leaves, and heads out to the parking lot. Security volunteer (SV) emerges from his room with a cigarette and goes out the back door to smoke. I see what I see, which is evidently SM saying Hi to W as sheís walking to her car, her turning to say Hi back to him, and flipping her hair back from her face before commenting that she canít smell anything but DFís aftershave. SM asks what she means, she tells about hug, and holds out a piece of her hair, which SM sniffs and then pulls back sharply. W laughs, points, and makes a comment, then turns and leaves. SM finishes the cigarette, and then takes off.

It is a plausible scenario and if, anything else is/was going on or about to go on, then hopefully this was one heck of a wake-up call. Boss went to great pains to tell me that he appreciated me bringing this forward (I work for a religious non-profit), and I told him that due to instances in my past relationships, I felt that I had little choice to tell any spouse about potential problems. Which I am sure came off as a little pirggy, but Iím old enough to get away with that, I guess. Hopefully, this is a true resolution, because I certainly donít think that I can handle many more surprises this week!

devotedman posted 5/8/2019 13:42 PM

Good on you for having the talk. The supplied explanation does sound plausible.

Anyway, not your problem any longer. Back to your own stuff! of which there's a lot... good luck.

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