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What the Hell Next? update, pg 2

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Skan posted 5/2/2019 17:23 PM

I feel absolutely sick to my stomach. Long story short, my boss and his wife are in an in-house separation that she initiated. Still attending MC, still co-parenting the kids in the same house, still not having told anyone other than the absolutely necessary need-to-know. I think that he still has hopes that all will come around eventually.

And I had to call him this afternoon because of something I saw on my security video camera this afternoon. Which seems to me to be her blatantly flirting with one of our, ďhomelessĒ volunteers, inviting him to sniff her neck/hair, and then batting and giggling at him when evidently he kissed her neck. With all of the fingers through her hair, hair tossing, and smiley giggles that she could toss in before, during, and after. I ran through this video clip several times, and it is what it is. I certainly canít see any other interpretation. So I got the pure joy and happiness of having to call my boss up at his home, tell him that I needed to forward him a link on our security footage that he needed to look at alone, specifically without his wife. Crying while I made that call. And his primary concern was that I was OK. No questions about what he might see (which might be telling), but was I OK. Cried all the way home too. Sitting on the porch having a glass of wine right now. Almost stopped crying.

They have two boys. The youngest is special needs. They live in what is his company housing, so she has absolutely no rights to stay there at all, unless she is legally married to him. This ďvolunteerĒ has a roof over his head because my company, out of compassion, is trading him a small room to live in, for security patrol purposes during the night. So if whatís happening is really happening, he will be on the street again. And if my boss decides that she needs to leave, she has no legal recourse except to leave. To call this flirtation/enticement/potential affair stupid, is to color the word stupid with the colors of a rainbow of pastel-colored unicorn turds sprinkled liberally with glitter made from ground up arsenic.

So I have to face my boss on Monday. And what that looks like, I donít know. Marriage implosion? Logical explanation that I simply cannot see? Blaming at work? Rug sweeping with low notes of hostility from both parties at itís finest? Crap, I donít know. But I just donít see what else, ethically, I could have done?

And, of course, this is my first night in my home, since I left on Monday to try to figure out whatís going to happen with my own marriage. Happy homecoming. This bottle of wine doesnít stand a chance, this afternoon.

[This message edited by Skan at 12:31 PM, May 8th, 2019 (Wednesday)]

Lowlow posted 5/2/2019 18:03 PM

OH Scan. I'm sorry you have to deal with this, but you did the right thing. I would be grateful if I was your boss.

I think you need to follow emergency landing protocol right now. Get your own oxygen mask on first.

Be there for your boss but look after yourself first. You did a brave thing

layla1234 posted 5/2/2019 18:18 PM

Wow. You did the right thing. I wish so many people in my life had the decency to tell me when they thought something was up.

northeasternarea posted 5/2/2019 18:18 PM

You are brave.

Skan posted 5/2/2019 20:03 PM

I am nauseated. I don't know where my marriage stands. I don't know where my job stands. I am freaking scared about the repercussions about this. My blood pressure is through the roof. Look, we all "know" what we should do, in these cases. My empathy and heart goes out to those who actually do take action. Because it's fucking scary. I have no idea of what the repercussions are.

I cannot take much more. I really can't. I just want to disappear. I have the end of the rope in my hand and it's slipping.

Chrysalis123 posted 5/2/2019 20:10 PM

Skan, breathe, and breathe again. Live second by second if you have to.

You know the drill. Worry won't help this. It will just make you feel sick.

You can handle whatever comes your way. You've already proved that time and again. You may not like it, and it may scare you, but you CAN handle it and will handle it.


Ripped62 posted 5/2/2019 20:32 PM


Your honesty and decisiveness are examples to all of else. I hate that infidelity or wayward behavior placed you in this moral dilemma.

I was very grateful to those that provided me with confirmation of my wayward wife's infidelity. Hopefully your boss will be as well. At least he knows what he is dealing with.

As for the consequences for the OM/guard and your boss's wayward wife, they controlled the outcome by their own actions. The two of them should have never put themselves or you in this position.

I am deeply saddened that you were sucked into their wayward behavior.

My thoughts are with you. You have helped so many of us. We are here for you now.

Phoenix1 posted 5/3/2019 00:12 AM

Oh Skan. I'm so sorry so much has been heaped on you lately, but you are strong. Dig deep. That strength is there. May not feel like it right now, but it is. Deep breath, my friend, and take each hour, each minute at a time.


HardenMyHeart posted 5/3/2019 00:36 AM

I'm sorry this happened to you Skan. You did the right thing. You're a very kind, honest, giving and strong person. You will get through this. Sending best wishes and much strength your way.

Wool94 posted 5/3/2019 06:18 AM

Skan, my friend, you are in my prayers!

We are Skan!

[This message edited by Wool94 at 6:19 AM, May 3rd (Friday)]

Chaos posted 5/3/2019 06:52 AM

Ok Skan. Take a deep breath. And enjoy a sip of that wine.

I'm going to break this down for you. As best as I can.

As for your Boss -

you did the right thing. You thought it through. You had compassion. The ball is in your boss' court. Any fall out is the fault of his wife. NOT you. You gave your boss the gift of information. If his wayward wife wants to be mad - she can be mad at her damn self. When you face him on Monday - you go to work and do your job. IF and only if he has questions, he'll bring them up. And the bottom line is that YOU noticed something on YOUR security camera that pertained to HIM. You passed it along as was appropriate. His personal issues are his own. His relationship issues are between him and his wife. Their pieces to pick up and deal with - not yours.

As for you -

Breathe. Sip your wine. Take things day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. All the while taking care of yourself. And know that we all at SI are wrapping you in a big hug.

hopefull77 posted 5/3/2019 07:21 AM

How are you this morning?

Notthevictem posted 5/3/2019 07:22 AM

How's it going today?

Brennan87 posted 5/3/2019 07:28 AM


While as difficult as this must have been (I can only imagine), know in your heart of hearts you did the right thing.

Emotionalhell posted 5/3/2019 10:30 AM

I would be so thankful if I was your boss. I know that must of been very difficult for you. If you feel like you can share your story or part of your story with your boss please do it might help him feel not so alone in this infidelity hell. Encourage him to keep the video clip, it may come in handy if there is a nasty divorce.

CaptainRogers posted 5/3/2019 11:46 AM

Skan, this absolutely sucks. You have done the right thing in sending the link. Whether he watches or not is up to him. That's one more heavy burden on top of what you are already carrying. I'm praying for you & what all the stress is probably doing to your systems.

STLLOST posted 5/3/2019 12:03 PM

Skan you definitely did the right thing. If you put yourself in your boss's shoes you'd want to'd NEED to know. So please know that you were spot on even though it was hard to do.

OptionedOut posted 5/3/2019 12:09 PM


I am honored to 'meet' you. You have my utmost respect. You are someone with incredible integrity.

Your compass points true north.

You did the right thing. And yet, there you are, worried about everyone to boot.

*Hands you a Kleenex, a glass, and an ear.

northeasternarea posted 5/3/2019 12:15 PM

How are you today?

Skan posted 5/3/2019 12:37 PM

Hey there. Slightly hung over, but calmer. Wh and I called a truce last night, and he was there for me. Still scheduled for our talk on Saturday, but trying to take a few steps back and get re-centered. No, in no way, shape, or form, is any of this my "fault." I know that. I just also know from personal experience how horrible this is going to be for the family, if all of this comes crashing down. And yeah, if it turns out at it's worse, I have no problems letting him know that I've walked down his path and hopefully pointing him in this direction.

But for the next two days, I have enough troubles to focus on without taking on more that I don't need to at this immediate moment. Sufficient unto the day...

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