Winter, they say it takes 2-5 years to recover. Everyone is different, maybe you will be better at healing than me.
I can't seem to let go of the anger and hurt. I don't want him to ever ever think that this is ok.
There is huge value in trust, loyalty and in you. Your husband's selfish choices do not define you. They define him. Frankly, he is a piece of shit.
Can he be a decent human being again - that is for him to work on. And it is hard painful work. It means looking in the mirror and facing the ugly.
Can your marriage work again? Sure, it is a lot of hard work, pain, and commitment.
Can you trust him again - to me that is the hard question. After the last set of lies, I had said it was a deal breaker. And I was faced with my own consequence. It wasn't easy. I want to be married but I am not who I was - neither is he - so I asked for a trial separation. I'm scared, I feel awful and he feels worse. TOO BAD. He broke all trust again.
I need to find me again, and so do you.
None of this is your fault, he may blame you but this is the same person who decided to cheat and made that ok in his head. you simply can't listen to someone who doesn't live in reality and can't see reality and choices and consequences for what they are.
You are a good person with good morals - hold onto that tightly. Remember to value yourself. You are already leagues above your blue pill cheater. If anyone has doubts about themselves it should be HIM.
Value and love yourself. If you decide he is redeemable and try again, that is totally ok. But hear this, it is your decision, reconciliation is a gift and you are already too good for him. It is ok to decide you are finished if that is what YOU want.
None of this is easy. I am sorry you are here.
Big big hug. Keep posting.
PS. This is about 1pt font so I can't tell if I have typing errors. Hope it makes some sense. New computer, and clearly I am not winning the battle.