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Question mainly for the guys but open to everyone

JanaGreen posted 4/26/2019 08:57 AM

Hey all! I'm getting ready to put my house on the market and I'm finishing up some repairs first. I've had a terrible time getting contractors to respond to me for quotes and the quotes I HAVE received have been laughably ridiculous ($3663 to pressure wash and stain my deck? I could build a new one). My guy has been helping me out SO MUCH and has saved me hundreds if not thousands of dollars by doing many of the repairs himself . . . in the evening, after he's already worked a long day. His vehicle just broke down again and he's hit with yet another repair bill. I know it is stressful to him and I asked him if I could pay him for some of the work he has done so he can apply that toward the repair bill. He laughed and said no, I'm not doing this for money. Should I keep pestering him or let it go? I don't want to insult him by insisting but he really has saved me SO much time and money and stress in this whole process. Thanks if you've made it this far!

99lawdog99 posted 4/26/2019 09:00 AM

I would offer it to him as a loan which he can pay back anytime or work off in the future. Tell him it's the least you can do and it would make you feel better. talk to him about it.

Hobbyist posted 4/26/2019 09:32 AM

It really depends on his personality (Mr Nice guy?). I would say, offer twice and then leave it at that. My "love language" to offer is similar - acts of service or something like that. I LOVE when I can offer my time or knowledge to help with something that would otherwise be a burden for the person, it's how I express my love.

Just don't be like my xWW and complain when he's too tired to do a lot after working all day long. Let him prop his feet up afterwards, and you can feed him and uhhh take care of his needs...

Catwoman posted 4/26/2019 09:38 AM

My SO is just like this. He wants to do it with no expectation as far as outcome. So I do nice things for him in return. I bake for him weekly (sweets and bread--it's a win-win for me since I don't want that stuff at my house, but love making it). I fix him nice dinners as a thank-you (think steak and nice wine).

You might show up with some nice groceries or something of that nature. Or assist him with something he needs help with.

My SO won't take a dime from me, but he loves being pampered and fussed over and having me do nice things for him in return.

Cat

barcher144 posted 4/26/2019 09:43 AM

My guy has been helping me out SO MUCH and has saved me hundreds if not thousands of dollars by doing many of the repairs himself . . . in the evening, after he's already worked a long day. His vehicle just broke down again and he's hit with yet another repair bill. I know it is stressful to him and I asked him if I could pay him for some of the work he has done so he can apply that toward the repair bill. He laughed and said no, I'm not doing this for money.

I am doing something like this, actually more extreme, with my girlfriend. I am literally renovating her entire basement... a near complete gut-job, re-wire, etc. I am not doing it for money, either. My main motivations are I like doing projects like this and I am a little bored right now... and my love language includes act of service.

I guess there are a couple of options for you. First, you can simply tell him that you are paying for his car repairs, like it or not. It's weird getting paid by a girlfriend, so you don't give him money... you give him car repairs.

Whatever you do... however you do it... make sure that you show him that you appreciate what he is doing.

JanaGreen posted 4/26/2019 10:31 AM

It really depends on his personality (Mr Nice guy?). I would say, offer twice and then leave it at that.

He's a kind man but definitely not a Mr. Nice Guy type - I've offered several times but only once since the car issue. I think I'm going to have to leave it. He's pretty firm when he makes a decision and he definitely enjoys doing things to take care of me.

Just don't be like my xWW and complain when he's too tired to do a lot after working all day long. Let him prop his feet up afterwards, and you can feed him and uhhh take care of his needs...

It's really more of a problem of me nagging him to STOP doing so much because he worked all day. I told him as long as he's doing this renovation work I'm taking care of food, either buying or cooking. Intimidating bc he is a great cook and I'm . . . not even close to great. LOL The other needs are frequently and enthusiastically satisfied

[This message edited by JanaGreen at 10:32 AM, April 26th (Friday)]

JanaGreen posted 4/26/2019 10:41 AM

99lawdog99, I'm realizing after posting this there's no way he'll let me pay him, but catwoman you gave me a great idea - I can get him a nice thank-you gift that won't undermine his protector/provider desire to help me. Barcher, you are awesome, that is such a nice thing to do!!

[This message edited by JanaGreen at 10:50 AM, April 26th (Friday)]

Cooley2here posted 4/26/2019 12:06 PM

To be honest I think this is because hes got so much energy he needs to expend it on something. He probably enjoys the heck out of what hes doing for you. Hes doing it because he loves you and hes doing because he enjoys it. Let him do it. As suggested there are so many other ways you can show him love. Food, a back rub, a foot rub, sex etc. Just being a good girlfriend is probably the best way to repay him.

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