Sorry for all the topic starting - a lot's been on my mind lately.
As you already know, I'm heartbroken and going back and forth between love, anger, sadness, etc - all the phases of grief.
The church community group where I go, and where my now exgf-ish (I'll describe the ish in a moment) has a closed FB group where they plan things. My exgf started in the group last year, immediately grabbed me to start dating, and then we weren't very active in group after that. We did go to things, but it was difficult to get her to go. I felt like I had to drag her to things. I was very active, as my goal was to build up my support system, and gradually that faded because she didn't want to go much (with lots of excuses).
They posted about an event, which she commented if they could schedule it on particular day so she could go. I read this and immediately felt the pain of the breakup again, I saw her "staking her claim" on the group. I posted that I'm going to leave the group, and then left. She texted me and said she hoped I didn't leave because of her, and I said of course I did. She said she was going to leave the group but was encouraged by the leader to stay (for both of us to stay). But still, how could she post that she's going to this event and not know that I wouldn't go, that I'm still hurting.
I feel like she's ripped my support system out from under me. I'm feeling very alone, even though I do have some friends and I know I'm not alone. I'm heartbroken about losing this group.
More details about our "ish" breakup. She saw that I had some hard things to work through - specifically, the trauma from my marriage, and frankly, she was doing some things that were triggering me. So, she said she was going to step back and allow me to work through what I needed to. It was sort of an ambiguous breakup. She said something about us taking a break (just a few days ago, about 3 weeks after the breakup), and I said, uhhh you broke up with me, that's not "a break". We're still "friends" but I don't know what that means? I hate the ambiguousness of this, I frankly don't know what to heal from - am I processing a breakup, or will she pop back once I've done some healing?
In the mean time, I'm going to IC, and working through some trauma books. I feel like she abandoned me because I have some things to work through. She said I will be a new person and she can't wait to see what I look like "on the other side". But, at the same time, I feel like she stole my support system - how could she not see that would happen when she started being active in the group she never wanted to attend?
Part of me can understand why she ended things with me, it seems sweet - give the person you love space to work through their issues. But part of me also feels like, if she's not willing to at least hold my hand and support me through my difficult journey, why on Earth would she get to reap the benefits of the person who emerges on the other side?
I don't know if I'm just venting or have a specific question, but input/comfort/flaming is welcome. Right now we're "friends" but I kind of want to delete her from my life so I can know how to process this - the ambiguousness of the breakup makes this harder than a clean break. I don't want to make a rash decision while I'm hurting though.