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He loves her

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The1stWife posted 4/26/2019 06:46 AM

I choose me

Woo hoo! Good for you.

Do not fall for his manipulative behavior any longer.

deena04 posted 4/26/2019 06:53 AM

Has he ever threatened or hurt you in a way that justifies a no contact order? Just a thought...

MamaDragon posted 4/26/2019 07:20 AM

^^Seriously think about if he has hurt or threatened you in any manner. You can get an RO and get him out of the house.

Stop all contact with him unless it deals with bills or children.

Record or journal everything he does/says to you - especially if it is mean

Screen shot ALL the messages you have been getting from him - including the one he mistakenly sent to you that was supposed to be for her (if you can get a hold of some of their chats/messages, do so BUT not at the expense of your safety)

Is your state a no fault state? if it isn't, have her served and sue her for alienation of affection.


SadEyes0311 posted 4/26/2019 07:23 AM

We are a no fault state and I canít think of anything threatening ever said. So I will have to wait until he is served to see if he is going to wait for the court date or just leave on his own.

nutmegkitty posted 4/26/2019 11:21 AM

I took my ass upstairs and filed.
I choose me.


Notmine posted 4/26/2019 12:09 PM

You should be so proud of yourself! Let the OW have him. He is SUCH a prize!

SadEyes0311 posted 4/28/2019 05:09 AM

He logged into my separate bank account and saw the money I paid to the lawyer.
He called me and said he hated me, took down all the family pictures in our house, cried and cried in the basement for hours.
Told my daughters in a drunken cry that I filed for divorce and donít want to be married to him causing so much grief.
Telling them I must have a new BF if I donít want him.
Told me horrible things. Including heís gonna Marry her the day after the divorce.
Cried long after I went to bed, cried in bed to me, became angry again.
This morning made breakfast, told me how much he loved me, then got dressed and ďwent outĒ
Wow. What a show. You cried over our 15 years for 1 night then right back out the door.

At least I know that I took steps to get me where I want to go.
This is so terrible all around. He blew up our life and somehow still blames me.

minusone posted 4/28/2019 06:17 AM

Please change all your log in information.

(((SadEyes))) I am so sorry that you are dealing with such an excuse of a human being. You deserve so much more and remember YOU did nothing to deserve this.

He will always blame you and therein lies the problem. He doesn't have the moral code or strength of character to take responsibility of his actions. He is what he is. It's all about him.

So you have to do everything in your power to protect yourself and your children. Tell them in an age appropriate way what's going on. That daddy did something that a married man should not have done and get them into counseling as soon as possible.

Sending you strength.

fareast posted 4/28/2019 07:05 AM


You are doing so well to have taken the steps you have to move forward with your career and your daughters. You will never be able to understand how your WH disintegrated. If you read enough threads you will see so many similar comments of a longtime, loving spouse becoming totally unrecognizable. Of course he has to blame you, otherwise he would have to look in the mirror and that is something he is incapable of doing. He is terribly broken. But he is OWís problem now not yours any longer. In a few weeks you will graduate and begin a new career and a new start in your life. Focus on you, and be the stable parent for your ddís. Your future is much brighter than his.

The1stWife posted 4/28/2019 08:52 AM

He quit the marriage.

Not you.

Sorry it has come to this but you will enjoy your peace once this is over.

Odonna posted 4/28/2019 09:47 AM

Were you able to record any of his threats and hysterics? Do so going forward. Telling your kids that you must have a BF and at the same time telling you he will marry OW on day one after divorce is both cruel and crazy.

He is trying to manipulate you with all the histrionics and threats. If he is drinking also this could easily become physical again. Write down everything that happened so that you have a record if needed later. No adjectives, though; keep it all strictly factual - things you saw and heard with no judgment included.

Stick to your plan and do not engage with him. Remember he is actively trying to push your buttons, so lock them down.

[This message edited by Odonna at 10:49 AM, April 28th (Sunday)]

ChamomileTea posted 4/28/2019 10:51 AM

If he's involving the kids, you might want to consider getting them into therapy and creating a support network of trusted adults, teachers, guidance counselors, etc. to help stabilize them.

What a jerk. Seriously.

If you punch into your browser the words, "grey rock psychopath", you'll find articles which describe dealing with a narc. You'll want to present less of a target while you're in the midst of getting free, and "grey rock" will help you do that.

MamaDragon posted 4/29/2019 08:41 AM

Next time he says he is marrying her as soon as the divorce is final ask him where he is registered because you will buy them a wedding present. Shock him with nonchalance.

are your children aware of his GF?

I'd make sure they knew that the reasons you were filing was because you won't play second fiddle to his GF.

Stay strong. He is just now realizing that he has no control over you - and expect it to get worse b4 it gets better.

Change your log on info, make sure that you have copies of all important papers in a safe place that he can't get to.

*HUGS* Stay the course!

SadEyes0311 posted 5/3/2019 01:00 AM

So after D day march 11 it has been a ridiculous roller coaster with my WS. He was being "nice" to me aka rug sweeping for 2 days until I had my final exams which was confusing for me and making me forget all his bullshit.
he gave me a sorry sort of congratulations and the very next day received a solicitation from an attorney and flipped out... started screaming about me trying to screw him over, hes gonna fight me etc. I kept calm and said that's fine with me. He left my house around 2 pm and didnt come home until noon the next day...
in the meanwhile he is ignoring calls from my daughters, texting them to leave him alone, i get to clean up the emotional mess of course.

icing: he is at a bar with her in the neighborhood we used to live in..i get texts and calls from several ppl saying that he left with a dark haired girl.

I take all of his remaining clothes and move them to the basement and block his number.

He gets home and CRIES to me again.. how he doesn't want to get served. How he cant believe i filed he asked me to wait. How he loves us both so its not that simple anymore....

tries to kiss me!! ugh no. gtfoh. I received a call from my attorney and the court date is set for 5/14 and he will have to leave my home.
I have 180'd his ass and have an exciting weekend full of celebrations with friends and family!

Thank you all so much for the support here.

Edie posted 5/3/2019 01:52 AM

You rock. 😊😊😊

Seriously, amidst all this you have the strength, resilience and determination to pass your finals as well as having to navigate his pathetic behaviour. Congratulations, so proud of you.

I hope you can see what a millstone round your neck this manís selfishness is to you, and your children.

Very excited for this next chapter in your life, it seems like you will fly without him.

Odonna posted 5/3/2019 02:52 AM

CONGRATULATIONS! You should be getting that big-time from WH and everyone IRL so let us fill in for that now! YAY!!!!

But do expect your emotional state to change day by day; that is why they call it the roller-coaster. This hurts like nothing else dear girl!

Just breathe and take care of yourself and you daughters. And celebrate your future!

[This message edited by Odonna at 2:56 AM, May 3rd (Friday)]

fareast posted 5/3/2019 06:01 AM

Congrats. You did an amazing job getting thru your finals and being there for your kids with all the turmoil youíve been going thru. Good luck in your new career. As best you can have minimal contact with your WH. He will just try to drag you back into the abyss. You rock!

Starzen posted 5/3/2019 06:11 AM


millienotboo posted 5/3/2019 07:18 AM

Congratulations! Iíd say that is one of the most impressive things that Iíve read on here! Great job. This soon after dday I needed help tying my shoes!
Thereís no doubt that you have a wonderful life ahead of you because you clearly have the strength and resilience to do whatever needs to be done.
Now, go....celebrate! No one deserves it more.

Chaos posted 5/3/2019 07:49 AM

Bad Ass SadEyes0311

Sorry that your selfish cake eating WH is doing this to you and your children.

Boo fricky hoo - he can't get to have the best of both worlds while he "makes up his mind". All your fault fantasy land came crashing down around him. All your fault that you only see poop and tears where he sees fairy dust and rainbows. And on top of that - now he has to deal with the consequences of his actions. Oh the Horror

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