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He loves her

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SadEyes0311 posted 4/14/2019 07:12 AM

My WS left my house last night again to be with his AP. I had no intention of contacting him when he began to blow up my phone around midnight with Iím sorry, you donít deserve this, I need time. And the big one I love her so donít make me choose bc I will choose her.
He really expects me to let him have this relationship and wait and see what happens with our future? Heís texting me while in bed with another woman to confess his feelings
He isnít home yet and I am struggling to digest this news before he gets here.

Today is going to be a terrible day but I have decided to let him go. I have school to finish and my daughters to worry about.

Robert22205https posted 4/14/2019 07:20 AM

I'm sorry you're in this mess. He's failed as a husband and father. You can't control him...all you can do is protect yourself and move on.

Marie2792 posted 4/14/2019 07:21 AM

Iím sorry. The one thing he is honest about is you donít deserve this. Donít make it easy for him. Have his things packed and ready to go with him out on his ass. He needs to jump off the fence. If he wants to be with OW, let him choose her and live with her. She can wash his underwear, cook his dinner and worry about who heís texting when theyíre in bed together.

max2018 posted 4/14/2019 07:23 AM

He is trash as a husband and a father

Let him go and block him completely

I bet that he will come back in a few weeks

And when he does KEEP THE DOOR SHUT

layla1234 posted 4/14/2019 07:24 AM

Your other post broke my heart. I am glad you are making this decision to put you ad your daughters first. He doesn't deserve you. Read up on the 180 and consult a lawyer. Do not let him manipulate you or hold anything over your head.

sewardak posted 4/14/2019 07:28 AM

be strong here. I asked you in your other thread what you would do if your daughter's husband treated her this way. I'm sure you'd tell her she was the prize and he is the douche. Please consider this for yourself.

cocoplus5nuts posted 4/14/2019 07:32 AM

I'm so sorry. Sounds like you know what you need to do. It's absolutely ridiculous for him to expect you to hang around while he hooks up with his girlfriend. Cut him loose. Let her deal with his fucked up shit. She deserves it, not you.

((Hugs))

SadEyes0311 posted 4/14/2019 07:49 AM

Iím pretty much numb right now. He was insisting he loves us both. Bastard. I have him 15 years and a life. He sneaks around w her for 6 months and thinks thatís love?

Iím numb bc I know he wonít leave the house. I have to live here with him until he makes the choice to walk away and as you can see he has no balls to do so. I get a morning text. Be home at 9:30. Please your not my business anymore.

sewardak posted 4/14/2019 07:55 AM

180 this guy. Tell him not to contact you unless itís kids or finances. Detach!!!

layla1234 posted 4/14/2019 08:10 AM

I would be gone. Take the kids and go out for the day. Let him sit at home by himself. This is what his life will be like half the time.

Justgettingbye posted 4/14/2019 08:16 AM

180 COMPLETELY!!!! It really sucks that youíll be stuck with him in the house. I know how hard it will be but just focus on school and your girls. They are all that matters!!!! Donít give him any more of yourself than heís already taken! If he wants to ďlove you bothĒ, fine. That doesnít mean you have to accept that bs. I would tell him youíre making a choice for him and youíre choosing that you and your children are worth waaaayyy too much to be dealing with this and youíre done waiting for him to figure himself out. Get through school while doing the 180 and then when youíre done and you have time to focus on your relationship file for divorce and ask for exclusive use of the marital home and kick his dumb ass out!

Trust me, I know how hard this is. A lot of us do. The 180 really does do wonders for yourself. The only problem Iíve found with it is that once I 180íd I was really done and then my WH begged for me to take him back 🙄 Your husband is absolutely cake eating and he wonít make a choice because he thinks youíre too afraid to force him to. Make the choice. Tell him fuck off, 180 & finish school while heís still in the house and then as soon as youíre done with school, file. The only benefit of him still being in the house while youíre doing the 180 is that he can see for himself how little head space youíre giving him. Fake it until you make it!!!!

SadEyes0311 posted 4/14/2019 08:24 AM

Thank you all. I would definite be in a worse head space without any of your advice. I have to keep telling myself that he is not my husband, he is my ex and he is not my business and I am none of his.

Marz posted 4/14/2019 08:28 AM

Bullshit translator:

I'm a cake eater. Please feed me more cake.

Bigger posted 4/14/2019 08:34 AM

Sad

When someone shows you who they are itís well worth it to take it seriously.
He leaves for his OW, tells you he loves her, tells you he wants you to be there too and then Ė after a night out Ė tells you he will be home soon.
Going through your old posts and itís repeat after repeat of the same type of abuse.
And always he comes homeÖ

Now itís up to YOUR actions to show him who YOU are.
This is what I suggest:

Talk to your main teacher or administrator at nursing school. Explain frankly the situation and that due to the abuse heís giving you that you need help with the nursing school. That help could be a simple as being allowed to take the exams next year. But get that out of the way. Your education is going to be a major factor for you in the future.

Do you have local support? A mom, friend, brother, sisterÖ.? If you do then enlist their help. Once again: be very clear and vocal in whatís going on. You want this person to help you find an attorney and initiate the steps to divorce.

Tell your husband that itís OK he loves the OW. Tell him that it would be best for all if he moves in with her. Offer to help pack his bags.
Tell him that he can love both of you but you donít have ANY respect left for him and without that any positive emotions you have for him will die soon enough. YOU are getting out of this marriage.
No Ė you donít need his permission to file. The only thing he has input on right now is how amicable or hard the divorce will be. But you are getting out.

Then simply follow the steps and advice your attorney offers.

Buster123 posted 4/14/2019 08:52 AM

Contact a pitbull D attorney and have him served at the OW's place without warning and EXPOSE the A with all family and close friends, you deserve so much better and please get tested for STDs if you haven't done so already.

emartee posted 4/14/2019 08:53 AM

He is an idiot experiencing limerance. He is going to be in for rude awakening when ďreal lifeĒ hits him.

emartee posted 4/14/2019 08:55 AM

Good luck on your nursing final. You are a rockstar.

Cooley2here posted 4/14/2019 09:19 AM

He told you he would choose her......so......he already did. You need to accept that. He is gone. What little bit he is giving you is his guilty conscience but it doesnít change that he is in another relationship. Please, please get your degree. Accept that this is the only thing you control right now. You are going to do fine. You will have a good life. Donít hang your happiness on a cheater. He doesnít deserve your love.

annb posted 4/14/2019 09:21 AM

So sorry he is doing this to you.

I don't know your entire story, why would you tolerate his behavior?

Pack his crap and leave it on the front porch. If he wants OW, let him go.

He is disrespecting you in the worst way possible.

He screws OW at night and comes home the next morning. What kind of bullsh*t is that?

Stand up for YOU. Choose YOU. Enough is enough.

SadEyes0311 posted 4/14/2019 09:29 AM

I currently have 8 girls here waiting to get picked up from my daughters sleepover. I feel like tearing down every photo and burning this house down. I want him out, but I can think of a handful of reasons why today canít be the day. I work tonight overnight for 1, he is a cop so he says if I want him to leave o have to have the police at the door to keep him out bc his house too. I just have to ignore him there is nothing left to say. He said it all in a drink text from the bed of another woman.

He said to me ďif you saw her you would dieĒ
I said meaning what? Sheís young and beautiful?
He said Iím not saying anything else.
I need time. I see ya together in the future but just not right now.
He said all he had to say to get it through my head that itís over.
My kids havenít even asked where he is. Heís dead to me now

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