"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

maise posted 2/5/2019 10:34 AM

What did you do with the people that claimed to be your "friends", knew about the affair(s) for almost the entire time, never told you, and then once everything came out, they denied 'really' knowing and proceed to then advise you that "you'll get over it" when discussing your hurt feelings about the affair in general...?

devotedman posted 2/5/2019 10:38 AM

I don't converse with those people any longer.

SimplyRed posted 2/5/2019 10:42 AM

Walk away. They aren't your friends.

maise posted 2/5/2019 10:49 AM

Glad to hear you guys agree. I cut off communication with all of them. One in particular was very challenging because I genuinely liked her and believed her to be my friend. Often times i go back and forth with myself on whether I could even understand where she was coming from with her decisions in our "friendship" but i honestly can't.

I would tell my friend if i knew. I would also be there when it all falls and never tell them they'll "get over it"...I'm glad you all agree with me on cutting her off. Sometimes it's good to talk about it with others to gain their perspective.

Dismayed2012 posted 2/5/2019 10:51 AM

They are the wayward spouse's friends, not yours. Remove them from your life.

Lalagirl posted 2/5/2019 10:53 AM

Walk away. They aren't your friends.

Agreed. Anyone who was complicit in your WH's A should not be in your circle any longer - your nor WH should be friends with them any longer.

you'll get over it

THEY'LL get over it when you end your friendship with them.

(((HUGS)))

Walkingthewire posted 2/5/2019 11:12 AM

Get rid of them. They aren’t friends to you marriage therefore they can’t be friends with you.

michzz posted 2/5/2019 11:21 AM

You have now discovered how strong (or not) some friends loyalty to you really is.

There are people that love knowing a tasty morsel of gossip and do not think it is their "place" to let you know what they know of your cheating spouse.

Some people even belabor under the absurd notion that you must "have known" what was happening and are allowing it.

In any event, I would cut off contact with people who lack integrity.

If you have to fly solo or find new friends then so be it.

xhz700 posted 2/5/2019 11:22 AM

I understand people that say they don't want to get involved. That said, I believe by not exposing, they are involving themselves, and on the wrong side.

I don't blame them, but I don't want friends like that either.

NotHisDoormat posted 2/5/2019 13:25 PM

People like that are terrible and toxic. Cut them out. They don't offer you anything positive or healthy.

Shocked123 posted 2/5/2019 13:34 PM

Nobody knew of my H's habit but when i did let a few close friends know, one told me lots of husbands go for happy endings and that really, she sure it didn't mean anything to him.
Apparently I should look at it as a very complete massage, including penis.
What?
Anyhow, I won't be flying out to visit her any longer.
No empathy, rugsweeping and gaslighting friend?
She's not a friend....She's like another H!

LifeLostLongAgo posted 2/5/2019 13:44 PM

Thanks for beginning this thread, Maine!

It's a thread question that I'd like to bring up in the future if I get conclusive proof that my sister(!) knew of my wife's continuing affair for at least 8 years(!).

Svon posted 2/5/2019 14:29 PM

I told them they were shitty worthless friends and never spoke to them again.

trustedg posted 2/5/2019 14:53 PM

advise you that "you'll get over it"

That is one thing that really ticked me off! Anyone that said that to me was not considered a friend any longer. And I don't miss the "friendship", so guess it wasn't all that great anyway.

keptmyword posted 2/5/2019 16:02 PM

These people are not, nor ever where, your friends.

A situation like this is quite a test of genuine friendship.

A genuine friend would tell you out of their concern for your well-being.

They failed spectacularly.

My strong advice would be to cut them out of your life completely and burn the bridges.

Who wants that kind of shit in their life?

Ripped62 posted 2/5/2019 16:08 PM

I do not interact with such individuals.

I feel you have much better things to do with your time and better individuals to interact with.

Listening to their odious ranker likely will cause you pain. You already have enough of that.

Follow the advise of others and cut them out of your life.

Rustylife posted 2/5/2019 16:09 PM

My xWW's closest friends knew about her boyfriend for months. Now that I look back on it, they once or twice made some offhand remarks about us and would then snicker amongst themselves. Didn't really make sense to me at the time. Really perverse and sadistic stuff. I was never a huge fan of them so I have cut them all out from my life.

OneInTheSame posted 2/7/2019 02:13 AM

I only had a PM conversation with the OW’s sister, who I knew from when I worked downtown and we rode the rail together. All she could say was that she knew my wife really loved me. But she would not tell me anything she may have known about their affair. I unfriended and blocked her after telling her what I thought of her sister.

[This message edited by OneInTheSame at 2:15 AM, February 7th (Thursday)]

manofintegrity posted 2/7/2019 14:33 PM

Every wayward has at least one “trusted” friend or family member whom they confided in. They usually were TT until the end and helped wayward justify their decisions to get more juicy gossip out of them during a vulnerable time. Some you will have to be around due to being family, but you can let them know that you do not approve of their little secret keeping and ask them how they would feel if they were kept in the dark while their SO was banging someone else. Now their friends, coworkers, acquaintances...everyone needs to know their integrity is lacking and all of their SO better remember they could be next. I don’t want to hear any justifying or excuses. It was the wrong decision. I outed the serial-cheating preacher’s daughter for knowing and not telling on her Daddy’s little secret. She suffered some consequences too for her poor decision.

SeanFLA posted 2/10/2019 13:40 PM

Apparently my WS had friends that knew shit was going on before I ever got wind of it when i discovered her affair. She was telling friends she wanted a divorce and I had zero clue. It was mind shattering to me. It's like experiencing more betrayal for something you never did to deserve it. People will then say they don't want to get involved, but they sure do love to gossip given the opportunity. I'm not friends with any of those people anymore. They don't deserve my friendship.