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Kids and sleep and just sleep in general

DragnHeart posted 1/10/2019 08:52 AM

Do ya'll recall my posts on DD and her terrible sleeping? Years of it. Right from the get go this child didn't sleep right, eat right, grow right, crap right....She was the poster child for never getting pregnant again being such a difficult kid. Now at Ten I'm pulling my hair out daily with her and one big issue is sleep. Specifically bedtime.

With the help of our doctor and home nurse we got DD on a schedule for sleep (eating and pooping too but that's another topic).

She was on Melatonin and co slept with us until kindergarten. I weaned her off the melatonin and we got her in her own bed when school started. Man that was a fight. I have always maintained a schedule with her especially for sleep. Even during the summer we stuck to that schedule with only a limited variation of it. Friday and Saturday evenings the kids could stay up later but not during the week. That way it wasn't a huge deal when school started again.

I have been told I'm a horrible mom by other moms for doing this. Nothing new as I've been pretty much harassed by doctors and told I'm starving my child all the while doing everything they have told me to do.

So how it works now is that the twins (4yrs) start getting ready for bed at 7:00-7:15. They are in bed for the night by 7:30 and are usually awake playing or singing or whatever until at least 8:00-8:30. Depending on their day they may fall asleep right away.

DD (10) and DS(8) usually stay up until 8:00-8:30. Seriously by the time these two finish getting ready for bed and their drink and a bathroom break neither one makes it to the bedroom before 9! I have caught DD up at 11pm reading and DS playing with Lego. So...It's not like they actually sleep until late anyways.

From the charts and web sites I've read they say kids 3-6 are best in bed between 6-8pm and kids 7-12 should have a bedtime of 7:30-9pm.

I'm in that range. All of the kids are usually awake by 6am.

The problem is that DD'S class had to write when they go to bed and she said 8pm and everyone laughed at her. WTF is this information necessary at school???

She's now insisting that she doesn't start her bedtime routine until 9:30-10pm.

Over the holidays I made the mistake of allowing DD and DS to stay up watching movies while WH and I went to our room to watch a movie or just go to bed. The rule was one movie then bed and more than once they put on like three movies and I'd come out at 1am and find them both awake. Ummm NO! This was a privilege and by breaking the rules set out they lost it.

What DD doesn't understand or choses to ignore is that being small and having all the problems she does, she tires easily and needs her rest. I just don't know how to get this through to her.

Oh to be young again. How I would love to be able to nap lol. We took sleep for granted when we were young didn't we? Lol

DebraVation posted 1/10/2019 13:15 PM

I think you are definitely in the right here. My two are 11 (just) and 7, they are usually upstairs by 8 and lights off before 9 ( they have a bath and then I let them read for a while in their beds). They then get up at 7 on school days.

I bet the other children also go to bed by 9pm, despite what they said. It sounds like peer pressure, probably one of them said it and then the others wanted to look cool. I don't know anybody that lets their children stay up until 10...added to the fact that what parent wants their children around ALL evening anyway?! LOL.

Vogel posted 1/10/2019 14:31 PM

My two youngest daughters are 6 and 12. They go to bed at the same time during the week between 8:00 and 8:30. Most of the time it takes them 20-30 min to fall asleep, sometimes longer. The older one has to get up at 6:00, the younger one can sleep in until 7:15. At the weekend (Friday and Saturday) they usually go to bed around 10 pm and sleep until 8 am. The 12 years old sometimes argues with us about bedtime and tells us all of her friends are allowed to stay up longer. Not true and even if it was true I still wouldn’t allow her to go to bed after 8:30. I tell her it’s my job to be mean sometimes

DragnHeart posted 1/10/2019 17:22 PM

Thanks!!!

I think I needed some reassurance that I'm not being mean lol.

There are days at school when the kids come home and I know it's been a very busy day because one or two or sometimes three of them fall asleep before dinner. DD always seems grumpy at the end of the day if she hasn't had a really good sleep. And it's pure hell getting her up and ready if she's been up later than usual.

little turtle posted 1/11/2019 12:58 PM

My older boys are 11 and 12. They are usually in bed reading by 8-8:30 and sleeping by 9-9:30. They get up at 6:30-7.

DragnHeart posted 1/11/2019 14:54 PM

That's one of the charts I saw.

DD was fine with going to bed at 8pm last night. I think she was tired.

josiep posted 1/11/2019 17:37 PM

I remember like it was yesterday but it was in 1959, 4th grade. I had to go to bed at 8:30 and the other kids I knew got to stay up until 9:00. I couldn't bear it, I was humiliated and felt terrible about it all school year. I saw it as me being treated like a baby. I have no idea why I felt like that but I did. My younger brother, by nearly 4 yrs., OTOH, had the same bedtime as me which added to my angst. And, he was a lot smarter than me. He'd just be agreeable and then lay under the covers and read comic books with a flashlight. Meanwhile, I'd lie there and stew about it for hours. Every single damned night.

I don't have any advice. I'm just glad I wasn't my mother. Some kids are just over sensitive about stupid stuff and you'll turn grey trying to figure it out.

DragnHeart posted 1/11/2019 19:18 PM

I try to remember back to my childhood and wanting to be like everyone else but that only seemed to happen in highschool.

At Dd's age I don't know, things were just different. I was OK being my own person doing stuff away from everyone else.

Dd is just so different. Physically she's so tiny compared to her friends. She sees her difference and that was drilled into her when she started school and the board refused to let her ride a bus. She had to have a private van and then on school trips was in a child seat at the front away from her friends.

She just wants to be "normal".

I've always told her she's OK as she is. She doesn't have to be like everyone else. It's just one of those growing up things we have to deal with.

We are all watching the Percy Jackson movies and the twins were dozing so off to bed they have gone lol. Not one complaint. DD and DS are in their pjs (all got one piece jammies and these kids live in them while at home lol) and will finish the movie with us.


Lalagirl posted 1/15/2019 14:06 PM

Hi Dragn,

Did the melatonin work for your DD? If so, just curious, why did you wean her off?

My DGS (9 years old) loves his melatonin, which he has been taking for about 5 months - he has anxiety issues and he said it helps calm his brain and it feels so good to get a good sleep and he feels so much better in the morning.

tushnurse posted 1/15/2019 15:35 PM

I'm a little late to this party, but I gotta tell you one thing I was militant about with my kids was bedtime and sleep habits.

Everyone in their own bed always.
Set bedtimes so that they got reasonable amounts of sleep (this was tricky because I always had to be at work so early that they had to go to bed earlier than the average kid).
No screens in their rooms, no phone, computer, or TV until they were in middle school.

I'm guessing she was more upset at being laughed at than actually having to go to bed at a set time. Sometimes as parents we focus on what they are telling us they are upset about, but it really is about something else altogether (especially w/ girls and it gets even worse once they hit their teens)

DragnHeart posted 1/15/2019 16:21 PM

Did the melatonin work for your DD? If so, just curious, why did you wean her off?

Yes it worked miracles for her. And we ALL were able to get to sleep lol.

I weaned her off because while on it she soiled herself at night. Her bowels haven't worked since birth so she was on laxatives, suppositories and enemas. She constantly leaked. We got information from one doctor about how to reteach her body to get on a bathroom schedule. She doesn't get the same "gotta go" feeling we all do.
.Since she's doing so much better now I may try the melatonin again.

I did get a call today from her teacher....Ugh! DD is acting out, refusing to do work unless the teacher sits with her AND tried to walk out of class. She's had this attitude at home too lately.so she's now grounded. No phone (it's just got games on it) no video games, nothing. And she's going to do her chores without one complaint or I'll keep her phone indefinitely.

Her dad talked to her and it appears there's friend issues at school which is making her miserable but that's no excuse for her behavior at home or school. She also will be going to bed one half hour after the twins. She's been a total bitch first thing in the morning and I'm done with her taking her misery out on me and her siblings.

I haven't been able to sleep well for a few weeks now and it's taking its toll on me. I may start taking Melatonin.

SorrowfulSoul posted 1/15/2019 21:45 PM

Perhaps you can put it back on your daughter. When she can get up without grumbling and without a lot of effort on your part, she can earn a later bedtime. By being hard to get up she is proving she needs more sleep.

DragnHeart posted 1/16/2019 07:28 AM

Everyone went to bed early last night. DD is in a much better mood today.

Big D had stayed home Monday due to a high fever. Last night Little M got it and boy she was so lethargic that WH got her into her pjs at 6:30 and she fell asleep in his arms. She's curled up in my bed now.

Doctor said that it was "just a cold" and as long as Tylenol brought the fever down there was nothing else that could be done. Ugh! And all the bleach and cleaning isn't keeping this from going around. I think a day in bed resting will be good for little M.

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