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I actually did it

WhoTheBleep posted 12/27/2018 20:50 PM

I logged in to a dummy OLD account I made when either I was policing WH, or curious after filing (can't remember which). Either way, I obviously never used it. I vaguely remember looking at pictures once and cringing at some of them. Every single man looked like a creep.

Fast forward to today, I logged in and legitimized the account. Updated everything and wrote a lengthy "about me" section. I was blunt. I was real. And I didn't sound overly angry (progress!). I will surely weed out a ton with my take no prisoners approach, but the ones left standing are the only ones worth my time.

I don't want a relationship. I just want to meet people. I keep busy and go out, but every man I see is 20-30 years older than me. The ones my age are always wearing a ring. I need to converse with men again. I feel pretty isolated at times, and lonely. I'm over it. I did not post a photo. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm fairly attractive (or so I've been told), and my friends have mentioned that good photos of women get bombarded with messages and creepy men. I don't want to feel like a piece of meat. I'd rather click on an intellectual level, first. The chemistry thing can come later.

Anyway, I posted my profile, then ran away from the computer like a coward. I'm so smooth, aren't I?

Phoenix1 posted 12/27/2018 20:54 PM

I'm so proud of you I could burst!! Woo hoo!!!

Baby step, Bleep, baby steps...

deena04 posted 12/27/2018 21:43 PM

Woo hoo! Getting back out there feels good when it's time and when you're ready. Take no prisoners and don't settle for anything less than a spectacular, worthy of WHOTHEBLEEP person.

I.will.survive posted 12/28/2018 08:18 AM

That is an awesome HUGE first step!!!

Personally, I won't click on profiles that don't have a photo because I assume they are hiding something. They don't want the public to know them (which includes me as a stranger) or they aren't confident to show us who they are.

I don't know if you fall into one of those, but just didn't want you to get your feelings hurt if the response rate is less than you deserve!

WhoTheBleep posted 12/28/2018 09:48 AM

IWS, I don't expect to get much response without a photo. Except maybe a creep looking for a ONS who doesn't care what I look like. I am confident with my looks, so I'm not hiding for that reason.

Honestly, I think my biggest hesitation is that my "constantly trolling for sex WH" will see me on there and add it to his file box for future abuse and insults. The less he knows about my life the better.

Also, I'm confident enough in my looks to suspect I might get bombarded with a lot of creepy messages and stalkers. I want the real deal. Sex is still a trigger for me, and I don't want to be ogled. (I recently joined a camping forum on FB and immediately got 3 friend-requests and messages from men in other states. I doubt that would have happened if my profile pic wasn't a flattering head shot of me.) I'll probably need to get over that if this is going to work in any way.

Phoenix and Deena, thanks for your support, as always!!

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 10:04 AM, December 28th (Friday)]

EvenKeel posted 12/28/2018 10:11 AM

I dabbled in OLD off and on in the past 7 years and never posted a picture. My profiles always had a witty-edge so that typically captivated the segment I was looking for. So do not feel like you have to have a picture to be successful there.

Also, do not let this wig you out too much. REMEMBER you can deactivate your profile any time you need too.

I found if someone was just looking for a hook-up, that became apparent pretty quickly because they did not want to waste time either. I was grateful for that and wished them well.

WhoTheBleep posted 12/28/2018 10:44 AM

My profiles always had a witty-edge so that typically captivated the segment I was looking for

EvenKeel, this is exactly what I'm hoping for. I actually went in this morning and deleted some things that seemed judgemental and negative in the cold light of day, haha. I think I now come across as intelligent, easy going, outdoorsy, fun, (but still don't f*** with me), with integrity...and you'd better have integrity, too. I HAD to let them know that if they were married, NOT to contact me. If they do, their wives will soon know about it. Harsh in the OLD world, but not here at SI. (That's the "don't F with me" part.). That should narrow my pool immensely. That's fine. Men with integrity are the only ones I'm interested in.

unsure73 posted 12/28/2018 10:45 AM

Very smooth!!! I wish you luck in friendship. I bet you will find and more in the coming weeks and months.

BrokenheartedUK posted 12/28/2018 16:49 PM

This is awesome!! It is a HUGE step forward. I do have photos on mine but to be honest they’re not particularly great pictures and I always get a surprised first date who says “wow you’re much better looking then you pictures.”

My profile is all about my sense of humour and if a guy doesn’t get that then what I look like doesn’t really matter because it ain’t going to be a match.

Just keep your expectations low and your standards high. Someone will come along when you’re ready but I have had a ton of fun just getting out and doing stuff. And the “bad date” stories are always amusing!!

BrokenheartedUK posted 12/28/2018 16:51 PM

Also!! Most online platforms allow you to block someone so it might help if you find your ex before he finds you to just block him so he can’t wind you up about it.

josiep posted 12/29/2018 15:29 PM

I'll be glad to come down and sit on the neighbor's porch and observe the gentlemen callers when they come to pick you up and then give you my honest assessment. :)

My profile pic on Facebook is of a highway, a road. I'm so tired of all the strange messages and friend requests. The funny thing was, I changed my marital status back to married and didn't realize it would be announced to all my friends so that caused quite a stir. And then when I went picture dark, they're all asking for the significance of the photo. I told them there is none, that's why I chose it.

Anyway, good luck! I've mentally composed various "about me" paragraphs and have actually thought it would be fun to start a thread with our humorous ideas.

I vacillate between the tough old bird "if you've ever cheated on anyone or taken benefits you weren't entitled to or not corrected financial mistakes that were in your favor, you won't be interested in me. If you've ever turned a pet over to an animal shelter, you'll despise me" versus "I've recently been freed from a half-century of emotional abuse and am excited to start living my life but with an aching back, creaky bones and slower reflexes. Wanna take a chance on me?"

I have no intention of doing either, I just like to play games in my head sometimes.

WhoTheBleep posted 12/29/2018 15:52 PM


JosieP, I love you!!!! I am cracking up!!

I actually did mention my rescue dog (and all my prior rescues!!) And threatened to tell BW if they're married. And that is toned down from my original. The financial thing had me rolling.

Anyway, I just got back from the beach, with all my beach stuff, and an extra phone number in my contacts! Hehe. And I was in a bathing suit. Couldn't hide anything.

I also ended up with a number of a random woman (BW and abuse victim), who approached me to leave her purse while she swam. Within 30 seconds I was hugging her and she was crying in my arms. Do we have neon signs on our foreheads that say "Talk to me! I've been there!!". Anyway, I've been rolling with life and when the universe sends me signals, I listen now. The trauma of my marriage has taught me to PAY ATTENTION. So maybe I can help her. Or just be a friend. I know my friends have saved my life.

I also had this stirring in my gut. Like I might really want to get involved with helping women in domestic violence situations, once my D is final and things level out. I really think I will have something to offer. My law enforcement background will certainly come in handy. I want to help.

Anyway, life goes on, and it's pretty dang amazing.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 3:55 PM, December 29th (Saturday)]

CaliforniaNative posted 12/30/2018 11:23 AM

I tried online dating as soon as my x moved out. I was not ready at the time but wanted to date and move on as quickly as possible. Here is the thing - no picture no response. If they don’t have a picture I assume they are married or in a relationship. So I would suggest posting a picture. Yes you will get a lot of responses, but block the creepy stalkers or men you have no interest in. Some sites will even allow you to add restrictions on who can see your picture. Try and find your x on the site and block him. Poof he goes away and never sees you. I do that with friends and coworkers to make it less awkward.

My first online date was an actor on animal planet. Great photos, decent personality. In person, he was totally different and not a good fit for me.

WhoTheBleep posted 12/30/2018 12:06 PM

Cali, thanks for the feedback. I'm definitely not getting much action. But that's ok for now. I'm lightly messaging one man. Out of the blue, yesterday, I got a vicious text from WH (which I immediately sent to my attorney. He is in contempt, and I'm done looking the other way). It put the brakes on me posting a photo. I need to be absolutely sure he can't find me on there. He is absolutely horrible. I'll need to think about this. In the meantime, met this single dad at the beach. Our kids are same ages, and we have a lot in common. Maybe for now I need to stay off line and do it the old-fashioned way.

wocket posted 1/8/2019 16:03 PM

I don't think I would be interested in an OLD profile without a picture, but I get why you're doing that. I'm also an elder millennial so we tend to not have problems with putting ourselves out on the internet.

For me personally, I don't think I would include any text about getting cheated on or being betrayed for the same reason I wouldn't badmouth a current or prior employer at a job interview. However, since being cheated will likely affect my behavior I would likely disclose it very early on - likely by the third date.

WhoTheBleep posted 1/9/2019 06:52 AM

Agree, wocket. I actually deleted everything. I'm just not ready to go the online route. I'm just not into ACTIVELY seeking any partners. I'm enjoying living my life and seeing where it takes me, seeing who I meet through the natural course of my day. I've had 2 dates with beach Dad, and we seem to have a lot in common. No pressure, taking it easy, having fun. This works much better for me. I'm old school, I guess.

Mom4ever posted 1/12/2019 09:19 AM

I did it too! Downloaded an app and made an account last night. I found lenses on apps that blurred, pixelated, or outlined pictures of me and used those. I actually liked a couple of men’s photos this morning! And I might be having a small anxiety attack! This is way out of my comfort zone. But I have got to do something or either join a convent...

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