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Another Great Post for Newbies to read

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heartbroken_kk posted 2/10/2017 01:26 AM

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minusone posted 3/25/2017 19:22 PM

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sisoon posted 4/12/2017 11:36 AM

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minusone posted 5/7/2017 06:30 AM

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mchercheur posted 5/15/2017 08:53 AM

BUMP

thatbpguy posted 5/15/2017 09:22 AM

The SI Bump Dance.

StillLivin posted 6/6/2017 00:16 AM

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sisoon posted 6/19/2017 10:22 AM

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Lovingmyselfmore posted 8/5/2017 14:14 PM

Bumping for the weekend!

MysteryM0802 posted 8/5/2017 14:46 PM

This is really helpful thank you. I feel silly sometimes as compared to some of the experiences of people in here I have gotten off lucky. I am not married to my partner and we have no children but my pain is just as raw and my life feels devestated. Every day I feel a little more equipped to deal with the upcoming confrontation next week. It's killing me not to say anything yet but I want to do it face to face and he's not back til Friday when I'll be away on a hen weekend so got to wait til next Sunday

minusone posted 9/3/2017 20:28 PM

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HurtinWI posted 9/4/2017 13:08 PM

Thank you for taking the time to share all of this. I'll be honest I have thought the "what could I have done?" and I've asked him why he didn't come talk to me, tell me he was unhappy and missing romance/cuddling in our relationship.
I've also told him he wasn't the only one who was unhappy but at least I stayed faithful and tried to work on things while he was running around. There's a lot of things that you said that I needed to hear right now and realize that he's the only one who can stop this from happening again and change himself. We are looking into going into couples counseling but unless he really wants to change and really regrets this there's nothing I can do except turn the other cheek and hope he doesn't burn it or leave, it's in his hands now

psychmom posted 9/4/2017 15:09 PM

We are looking into going into couples counseling but unless he really wants to change and really regrets this there's nothing I can do except turn the other cheek and hope he doesn't burn it or leave, it's in his hands now

It's very important to realize that unless the cheating spouse truly WANTS to R, it is not going to happen. And they have to want to do it for the RIGHT reasons, which usually means to fix their broken selves and try to learn how to be honest and healthy human beings. They can't want to R out of more selfish reasons, such as to keep their lifestyle, to not be "outed" as a cheater to friends, coworkers, etc. This has to be something deep inside of them that shames them to their core.

And no, it's not only in the cheaters hands really. We betrayed spouses need to take control of our own lives, to see our value as people regardless of whether we are in a relationship with our fWS or not. We need to find ourselves, nourish ourselves, use this opportunity for self-improvement and finding our happy place. If our partner "fixes" him/herself and we "fix" ourselves, then two healthy people can come together and try to rebuild a relationship together (if they choose).

Infidelity is a wake up call. But we have to be willing to answer the call. Wake up from life we were living before our DDay, and use this energy to make ourselves into something truly wonderful in this next phase of our life. Because the life we knew is now over. This is a new game. And we have the choice of creating the game and rules in a way that makes the best sense for us.

This is one of the most devastating experiences most of us will ever endure. But if we have the right mindset about it, and make certain choices, once the crisis has passed and we start to regain our strength and sanity, the world really does open up in a new and often better ways.

Jen posted 9/17/2017 17:03 PM

minusone posted 10/4/2017 18:20 PM

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sisoon posted 10/17/2017 16:49 PM

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runsmiley posted 10/18/2017 14:28 PM

Great post. I'm in DD2 after DH had an EA w a friend. So true I can't control a lot of this. Doing thr 180. He's sorry, but not telling the entire truth.

minusone posted 10/31/2017 06:13 AM

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mchercheur posted 11/13/2017 22:47 PM

BUMP

sisoon posted 12/2/2017 11:32 AM

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