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Double Betrayal

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Dontworrybehappy posted 2/16/2019 13:36 PM

Duplicate post

[This message edited by SI Staff at 4:48 PM, February 17th (Sunday)]

Dontworrybehappy posted 2/21/2019 14:45 PM

How are you guys feeling with the Kardashian-Jenner news?

Flmom posted 3/7/2019 20:16 PM

littleAvocet
Yes losing all your Ďfriendsí is just another trauma to deal with that totally sucks. My WH and I are reconciling. I think some people may have stuck by me had I left him. I thought I would have left him too but he seemed to do a 180 degree shift into the person he is now. Either way, a friend doesnít give you an ultimatum to leave your husband or I wonít be friends with you.

I still really despise the other woman, my former friend. 10 months out and still so much anger.

Flmom posted 3/7/2019 20:26 PM

ďFeeling like an idiotĒ. A few people mention this and I felt betrayed and idiotic too unless I realized this fact, we were trusting that doesnít make us idiots. My wh was also gaslighting me, because he was lying for 6 years. That is an evil form of manipulation which they use to throw us off. I learned a ton from a podcast about limerance. It was quite enlightening on the psychology of a person cheating and why they do the things they do. For ex) gaslighting, blame spouse for things which are not their fault, act erraticly etc. the podcasts have helped me more than IC and MC.

BetrayedPR77 posted 3/25/2019 18:05 PM

Ok, now to this side of the Forum.

When WW told me on DDay that she was having an A, for years, I immediately thought of calling the person who I thought could be the one who would helped me thru this horrible situation.

The person who helped me since I was in school.

The person who I ask for advice whenever I needed it. On anything.

The person whose family my Dad told me after my parents got divorced "if something happens to me and your mother, you can go and live with them" (our family is very small, I'm only child).

The person whose mother loves me as her son. And my Mom loves her.

The person my Dad trusted a lot, and considered him as his other son.

The person who helped me took care of my Dad five years ago, when he was dying from cancer.

The person who went with me to the funeral home to make the arrangements.

The person who helped me carry his body out of the bedroom when the mortuary people came.

The person to whom I trusted the problems I had with WW and listened and gave me advice...

He WAS more than my best friend. He WAS my brother. He WAS the one I was going to call for help when I knew about the affair.

And then, WW told me. He was the AP. For the last seven years...

JustTooGood posted 3/25/2019 22:29 PM

ďFeeling like an idiotĒ. A few people mention this and I felt betrayed and idiotic too unless I realized this fact, we were trusting that doesnít make us idiots. My wh was also gaslighting me, because he was lying for 6 years. That is an evil form of manipulation which they use to throw us off. I learned a ton from a podcast about limerance. It was quite enlightening on the psychology of a person cheating and why they do the things they do. For ex) gaslighting, blame spouse for things which are not their fault, act erraticly etc. the podcasts have helped me more than IC and MC.

FLmom, what podcast are you referencing? 11 months in and I'm still feeling pretty lost, so just looking anywhere at the moment for something to make me feel a bit more comforted.

sassylee posted 7/16/2019 15:01 PM

Bumped for earlydetour.

earlydetour posted 7/16/2019 16:33 PM

Does anyone know of any WS that has posted (or currently posts) about their double betrayal A, A w/ a mutual friend, or A w/ a friend's spouse?

I'm asking BSs because not a whole lot of WS show up at SI and each situation varies. Maybe a BS remembers reading their posts.

If a WS in a different situation read another WS's posts regarding their DB, and would like to comment, I started a thread in General or you can send me a brief PM.

If that WS got to remorse and reconciling, I'd like to read their thoughts and perspectives - their insight - on their past, present and future.

And if they've worked thru issues socializing with their BS going forward.

It doesn't matter if the WS is still active or not, or if their posts are archived. If you come across one in reading on the site, please let me know the name.

Thanks.

earlydetour posted 7/16/2019 17:05 PM

I'm asking because I think we're coming up on this juncture. To start to socialize with other couples a bit. We've socialized with family and had brief social interactions with non-family, but nothing like the social settings in which fwh has had issues being a good partner.

Last summer, fwh finally told me info about his A, that what he lied about being an accidental run-in with ap for lunch (and I have memories of the same "ran into her" comment used before this event) was, in-fact, planned out. The secret, the lie was out. That was their inside joke they shared.

I've had to reprocess my life with him with this updated info, which was opposite of what I was told all along. I thought fwh had a problem staying focused when she was around. Actually, she was training fwh in the art of deliberately doing things to deeply hurt me, how to lie to me about it, and how to attempt to deflect accountability when called out on it. It was hard reading Speedbump's thread. The ap in my situation wasn't after sex. Just attention, an audience and to feel power & control over fwh & his life and me as well.

We're headed on a vacation soon and will be dropping our DD at a sleepover camp. I'm feeling anxiety at spending considerable amounts of time with him at this point and possibly heading into those social settings. I can't control how he will act. I feel anxious that I'll witness some waywardness (at least to me it will be wayward - that's what matters) and will need to address the A when we're trying to build new, non-A memories together, as a couple.

littleAvocet posted 7/17/2019 06:18 AM

I canít recall any helpful threads from waywards addressing double betrayal specifically. I could ask my fwh any questions you have and see if thatís of any use.

Personally Iíve continued to find socialising with other couples extremely difficult. Iíve tried, and I find it draining. Spending time with any females and my fwh is too difficult for now.

I feel for you with the manipulative AP situation. The AP in my situation was collaborating in the emotional abuse to keep me compliant so they could act unimpeded. She attempted to control every element of the situation so that it would play out exactly as she wanted. The deviousness of these people is astounding. AP talked in terms of power, as thatís what she wanted. To be in control, to be the centre of attention, and my family were to be used for her entertainment.

Iím so sorry you find yourself in this double betrayal club. It hurts like hell, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

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