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Newest Member: Stillconfused2022

I Can Relate :
Double Betrayal

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doublerainbow ( new member #82239) posted at 2:30 PM on Thursday, October 27th, 2022

I’ve pored through forums and can’t find a situation similar to mine which is making it really difficult for me to understand my own.

So my issue is - WS cheated on 2 people with his affair. Married to me and we have a child. He lied to AP claiming he wasn’t married and had no kids. The day after D-day he claimed he would "never cheat again" and begged for MC WHILE at the same time begging AP for another chance.

I know AP but we are strictly FB friends. We met over 10 years ago (before I met WS) at some big party and exchanged FB contacts, that's it. We never talked after, nor did we ever see each other again after that gathering. However, we do have mutual friends, some of whom I still see. I guess the closest description would be AP and I know each other through 3 degrees of separation.

AP did not know WS was married with a child until near the end of the affair. When she suspected it, she combed through social media and saw engagement photos that I posted with WS. To her credit, she ended it when she discovered he was married, and she also reached out to me to tell me. That was D-Day. I am working on D, absolutely no chance at R.

I'm truly conflicted about how I feel about this affair because I'm not close with AP. On one hand I am eternally grateful she told me, on the other all of the details and truths she told me about the affair (vis-a-vis the lies that WS told about the affair - even after claiming he would be honest about it) eat away at me. I feel like I should be lucky that I know all the truths which gave me clarity and determination on D, yet it also kills me to know that it is likely WS has had other affairs (AP is convinced he has - he went on an online dating site claiming he was single and that's how they met) during M.

Me: BS (38)
Him: WS (45)
D-Day (Jan 2022), going through D.
1 DD age 4.
Just want to know there’s light at the end of this mess.

posts: 41   ·   registered: Oct. 26th, 2022   ·   location: West Coast
id 8762368
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 4:40 PM on Thursday, October 27th, 2022

I would not be conflicted about the D.

I would feel sorry for the AP for being duped and misled by your H. That is just one more level of destruction he caused by claiming he was single.

The AP was honest and fair. She informed you of the affair. That was the right thing to do.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 12780   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8762399
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doublerainbow ( new member #82239) posted at 5:09 PM on Friday, October 28th, 2022

1stwife - I do feel sorry for AP and have 0 anger towards her. I've been mulling whether to reach out to see how she's doing, but if I'm being totally honest, I also have lingering questions about A that I'm hoping she can answer (what WS told her about me / our M, for example).

Should I? It's been a couple months since I last talked to her. I still see her post a few times a week on social media.

Me: BS (38)
Him: WS (45)
D-Day (Jan 2022), going through D.
1 DD age 4.
Just want to know there’s light at the end of this mess.

posts: 41   ·   registered: Oct. 26th, 2022   ·   location: West Coast
id 8762663
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BrokenAngel12 ( new member #82220) posted at 4:51 PM on Saturday, November 5th, 2022

Doublerainbow: I would reach out, but then again that could cause issues... If you really want to know then do so, just know you may not like the answers. I have had some things pop up that I have left alone and others that I just needed to know. I feel like when I need to know, I want every little detail otherwise I am not satisfied. My mind goes into, how was he with her.... which causes me a lot of anguish. When I have reached out the woman has lied ( not because he told me so) but because her dates make absolutely no senes, he receipts tell a different story then the picture she is trying to paint. I will never understand how someone could want to intentionally hurt someone else. For example I found a message that said I barely see you or talk to you. Then when I spoke with her, she told me they spent all of this time together and it was a full blown relationship. He was her boyfriend...they had a baby that died. He spent every day in the hospital with her. Now, all the dates she is claiming he was at home. She even picked on dates after we moved to another state, that I know for a fact he could not be there. When I spoke to her again, he was there. He started telling her to tell the truth and she got quiet... I will never understand why a women wants to lie about what actually occurred. The first time with his ex wife, she thought I did not know she was his ex wife and tried to paint this story about how he was her boyfriend and that they met a couple months ago. Toxicity comes in all forms....Although your situation could be totally different, just know that sometimes women lie....

posts: 25   ·   registered: Oct. 24th, 2022
id 8763807
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