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crazyblindsided posted 5/21/2019 11:41 AM

My own MH response was a trauma response on DDay.

This is how mine went as well. It was definitely a calculated A on my part. I wanted to make my WS feel the same pain.

Undefinabl3 posted 5/23/2019 13:09 PM

I don't consider myself a MH either, but based on the SI definition, I am.

My current DH was one of the EA affairs I was having when I left my ex husband. I didn't even know there was such thing as an EA at the time. Also, when DH and I agreed to exclusivity, I stopped all communication with the other man. DH found our emails though and blew up saying that he couldn't trust me because I had been talking to another man at the same time.

It's been a huge struggle throughout our marriage of over 10 years now.

Years later, DH has had 3 confirmed EAs and so....well, here I am. Some things I have done for myself:

1. I realized that he will treat me the way I allow him to treat me. I used to allow him to use the excuse of "well you did it first". I finally told him that if he can't work with me and on himself then he needs to leave. It seems to me that it's more important to him to be able to hold this over my head, then to actually do the work to get through it.

Admittedly, we are stagnate right now. I will never 100% trust him ever again, but I also don't hate him or not love him. I realize this is not a very healthy situation, but for the moment, it's where we are. He has done nothing to make me believe that he will never have an EA on me again. He expects me to get over it, when he can't get over his own issues from 11 years ago.

2. I treat MYSELF better. After my original ONS against ex husband and learning what EA's were, I threw myself into therapy, self help books, online videos, ect. I refused to be ignorant of all of this stuff again. I didn't need him to heal myself, I did that all on my own. I have 100% better boundaries, 100% better understanding on acting in a manor respectable to my relationship, and 100% never going to ever cheat again.

3. I cleaned up my friends/social media. Seems like a minor step, but honestly - who needs 500 friends? One, this allowed me to remove anyone that DH could go "See, who's that" it also removed anyone that may not have my best interests in mind.

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