gypsybird87 ( member #39193) posted at 1:29 AM on Monday, June 22nd, 2015
I really need some input/support regarding religious pressure from my mother. In general, the issue is 'off topic', but it also relates my current relationship as well as the drama between me and my parents over Christmas, which I posted about in new beginnings, I think. I was recently admonished for breaking a rule, so I'm feeling nervous and want very much to stay off the naughty list.
Could someone advise me on whether it is okay to post, and if so, what forum? Thanks.
Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem
Follow your heart, but take your brain with you. ~ Alfred Adler
Letting go of the outcome is about the most empowering thing you can do for yourself. ~ LosferWords
monarchwings ( member #39891) posted at 4:36 PM on Saturday, September 5th, 2015
NPR. Its my go to news source each morning. I especially love story corp. The humanity in the stories makes me cry each time. Seriously.
There was one story about two men who became friends after being married to the same woman. H1 was a young arrogant ass to the wife. They divorced and she later married H2. One year she was gracious enough to invite ExH1 over one holiday and the two men got along. The ex matured and realized what an ass he had been.
Years later the wife died and ExH1 supported H2 with his grief. They had truly become friends. I had tears running down my face and had to freshen my makeup in the car.
RightTrack ( member #36976) posted at 6:12 AM on Friday, September 18th, 2015
Gypsybird, I had numerous family member who, because of their religion, did not believe in divorce. When my ex husband tried to slice my neck with a knife they recommended couples' counseling. Really??? I know aunt and uncle aren't the same as a mother but you have to do what is right for you. Divorce or taking time to hold someone accountable for their actions and to see if they have changed is called for in marital infidelity. Mandatory forgiveness without demanding a change in action is simply cheap grace. My aunt and uncle came around after my divorce and now like my new WH (look, they believe in forgiveness, they have to forgive me too, right?)
RightTrack ( member #36976) posted at 6:24 AM on Friday, September 18th, 2015
Wait a minute, Long time listener and first time caller; Is this a site to respectfully discuss religion as relates to infidelity or is this the discussion after the rule not to discuss religion and politics?
Deeply Scared ( Administrator #2) posted at 11:08 AM on Friday, September 18th, 2015
Is this a site to respectfully discuss religion as relates to infidelity or is this the discussion after the rule not to discuss religion and politics?
Religion and spiritual discussion is fine in the frame of infidelity...just no debating religion.
And politics? No. No debating, no discussion and no political names unless its because that politician is involved in infidelity. But political careers, voting, etc., that will get you (general term) banned. That's why there is a giant banner at the top of every forum
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
FightingBack ( member #34770) posted at 4:00 AM on Sunday, October 18th, 2015
My life is but a weaving, between my God and me;
I do not chose the colors, He worketh steadily.
Oft times He weaveth sorrow, and I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper, and I the under side.
Not til the loom is silent, and shuttles cease to fly
Will God unroll the canvas and explain the reason why
The dark threads are as needful in the skillful Weaver's hand
As threads of gold and silver in the pattern He has planned.
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!
pomegranatelove ( new member #51211) posted at 5:33 PM on Monday, January 18th, 2016
What a lovely poem.
I believe He tests those, whom He loves. We can never understand why. But there is a reason. And when He reveals it, it's like "aaaaaaaah".
I feel like God would want me to forgive and stay. This was my driving force at the start. I decided to stay with him because God would reward me for my ... what would the word be? Commitment, willingness to forgive, sticking at marriage, ability to just see this as a test to work through, etc. But really would He want that? Or would He want me to know my worth? And that He loves me, so I too should love myself? I really am torn based on this.
And a bit silly to those who don't have faith, but knowing what He would want me to do would really make the difference.
DD: 4 DD: 1
D-Day 29th November 2015
joannie ( member #42486) posted at 12:37 PM on Thursday, March 24th, 2016
I so believe in God and his plans for us. I pray each day.I have yet to find forgiveness for ow as she does not give up trying to get my h. I pray for her to find someone else and move on.I ask for strength to carry on to get through this together as husband and wife.am I wrong to ask this as it is quite selfish..I do pray for other things too.any verses scripture to help me carry on til then please.
me BS 57
Him WS 56
Married 37 years 2 sons 5 grandchildren
remorseful12 ( member #53390) posted at 2:54 PM on Sunday, June 12th, 2016
[This message edited by SI Staff at 10:52 AM, June 12th (Sunday)]
21 years married, 4 kids
Blessed are the merciful, for they shall be shown mercy.
fierhawk ( member #53522) posted at 11:15 PM on Tuesday, June 28th, 2016
So a little teeny story if I may:
I am of a certain faith but have never "preached" or forced it upon anyone. I know many people who interact with people of my faith get forced things upon them and thus don't do justice for someone like me.
Thankfully i have "proven" that not all people of my faith are the same. Well, at least I hope so.
In any event, after my recent trauma, which I am still going through, for the prior years I admit I let my faith slip. I never "forgot" or disassociated my faith but just let it slip.
After this trauma, I returned back to my faith and feel a bit better. That's a GOOD thing.
I agree with people that religion and politics can sometimes be mixed where one belief either clashes with the other OR makes more of a "compelling" argument/point.
For me however, if I don't agree with someone I just respect their opinion and say no more about it (and sometimes try to let them think or see the error of their ways sometimes....)
Anyway, sorry - I know it probably has nothing to do with the thread at hand. I guess, we are all here for a reason - a bad reason and are here o support one another irrespective of religion or politics. Some people find their religion more comforting than others.
I am ever so grateful for finding this place and being able to "talk" my pain and the wonderful people have been supportive, no matter how challenging sometimes their responses can be (that's a good thing in my opinion).
some people will never learn...even the one whom i was with and she is in her late 40's!
remorseful12 ( member #53390) posted at 6:52 PM on Wednesday, June 29th, 2016
I grew up Christian, but I wouldn't say my home was Christian. It was very dysfunctional, but my faith got me through it without killing myself. I would literally not be here had it not been for my faith.
My faith has wavered here and there throughout the years. I was so very angry at God 4 years ago that I gave up all belief that God cared for me and questioned whether He even existed. It was during this time that the affair happened. If I had not wondered from God and became angry at him the affair would never had happened. I'm not saying this is the case for everyone, but I believe it had a big influence on my waywardness. Without God it is so much easier to create your own rights and wrongs. It is so much easier to justify our behaviors and choices, but when we stick with what God says is right and wrong it's black and white.
When BS shared my A with a pastor without me present he did not treat me differently or encourage divorce. He only wanted to know if I was remorseful. When we both shared my A with another pastor in person I got a thorough chewing out like I have never had in my life. I was broken and beaten with his words, but afterwards he gave me a hug, said I was forgiven and that he loved me. WOW! That spoke volumes! Because of my faith or shall I say the renewing of my lost faith I can deal better with the condemnation, mercy, forgiveness, repentance and grace principles. I am so thankful for that! I am still struggling, but working on my faith issues is helping me work on my other issues.
21 years married, 4 kids
Blessed are the merciful, for they shall be shown mercy.
WhatsRight ( member #35417) posted at 6:28 PM on Friday, July 15th, 2016
This is the first time I have read this particular thread.
I can understand the positions of each individual regarding their own beliefs.
But I must respectfully say that the posts on the thread itself prove the need for the policy.
Time and place.
"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt
I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 6:57 PM on Friday, July 15th, 2016
The point of this thread is to explain the guidelines around Religious and Political posting.
Please don't use this thread to explore religion or religious topics.
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
sassylee ( member #45766) posted at 7:41 PM on Saturday, July 30th, 2016
I can't believe when this thread started - there were only 16,000 members! I guess that's either good or bad - more infidelity? Or more people reaching out for support?
I'm amused at the flack you guys had to fight when you implemented this policy. Interesting though - to see the mindset of members a decade ago!
My R(eformed)WH had a 5 month EA in 2012
In my 7th year of R
“LOVE is a commitment, not an emotion. It is a conscious act of a covenant of unconditional love. It is a mindset and a thought process.” - BigHeart2018’s Professor
meli5656 ( new member #55266) posted at 3:28 PM on Wednesday, September 21st, 2016
[This message edited by SI Staff at 9:51 AM, September 21st (Wednesday)]
SI Staff (original poster moderator #10) posted at 10:28 PM on Tuesday, October 11th, 2016
PLEASE NOTE - The No Politics guideline has been revised and the banner at the top of the forums has changed to reflect the change -
IMPORTANT NOTICE: SI Staff has decided that the recent no politics guideline changes will be permanent. There is to be NO mention of political names, and absolutely no political topic content in any context. Any violation of this guideline will result in the loss of posting privileges. Thank you.
This means members are no longer allowed to post about politicians even if the post is infidelity related.
If you have questions, please contact the staff to discuss.
Thank you for your cooperation.
[This message edited by SI Staff at 4:17 PM, November 30th (Wednesday)]
notperfect5 ( member #43330) posted at 10:29 PM on Monday, March 6th, 2017
I'm curious about the topic of pregnancy during infidelity. In one thread the OW, who didn't know she was the OW, became pregnant. She was going to terminate the pregnancy. I recommended she not do so, inform the BS, and have the child adopted.
I didn't recommend that she not have that choice, but that she use her power of choice to have the child.
I was accused of discussing politics. Have I? I support her power of choice and her right to choose. I just recommended that she make the choice a certain way. Was I out of bounds?
Unplanned pregnancy is a possible "side affect" of adultery, like STD and devastating emotional trauma, even suicide or murder. Discussing these side affects and what to do in response to them seems to be important.
What say you mods?
Me: 55 BH Her: 52 WW - Edith12
DDay 8/13 EA, fake R
Turned PA on 4/27/14 and fake R
PA during MC and my IC and her IC through 12/14
Polygraph on 4/30/15, TT 5/5/15.. TT on 10/4/15, 2nd Poly and TT 11/17/15
DD's 23, 21, 18, 15 DS
SI Staff (original poster moderator #10) posted at 8:53 PM on Tuesday, March 7th, 2017
notperfect5 - You have a PM coming.
janewilliams ( new member #58546) posted at 1:47 PM on Tuesday, May 2nd, 2017
[This message edited by SI Staff at 7:57 AM, May 2nd (Tuesday)]
Freeme ( member #31946) posted at 12:38 PM on Tuesday, July 11th, 2017
I just can't wrap my head around these late night msgs. It's like if she can't have me no one will.
When she can't sleep she thinks about how F-up her life is. It can't be easy living with her parents at her age, and with her drinking we know where her money goes... so no chance of getting out of that hole... her life sucks... so she has to blame someone and she wants a fight so ... she calls/texts you. Theses aren't calls of remorse/regret these are calls to vent and blameshift her frustration about her life. She isn't happy and she doesn't want you to be happy either.
You have got to start cutting her off if it's not finance or kid related NOW while she is living at her folks house. You know her folks are keeping a eye on her behavior while you son is there.