fareast ( Moderator #61555) posted at 11:13 PM on Thursday, June 18th, 2026
"The cold hard truth is I catered to this woman my whole adult life. Let hobbies go, lost touch with great friends, changed traditions, and lost myself as a person in many ways. All for what? Like you said, what am I really fighting for here?"
I wish I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard similar words from a BS. The fact is that you will find a WS admitting they took these efforts for granted. No matter what you ultimately decide to do in your M, moving forward, always value yourself. I believe a healthy relationship involves both partners maintaining their individuality, their interests and passions, as well as devotion and commitment to their partner and family. But we’ve all been there. Losing ourselves in our day to day work, supporting our partner, being active with our children while sacrificing our hobbies or sports, or activities. There’s a correct balance there somewhere. You will find it. Getting back to your friends, your hobbies, your favorite activities is part of the healing process.
Never bother with things in your rearview mirror. Your best days are on the road in front of you.
Pogre ( member #86173) posted at 12:00 AM on Friday, June 19th, 2026
As far as one of you moving out, particularly you, be careful with that one. In some cases that could be considered a form of abandonment in the eyes of the law as far as custody/time goes with your kids.
I don't think you're 100% looking at divorce at this point yet, but if it is a possibility you don't want to jeopardize losing time with your kids because of a technicality. Definitely run it by a lawyer before you do something like that.
Where am I going... and why am I in this handbasket?
Icedale31 (original poster new member #87471) posted at 12:22 PM on Friday, June 19th, 2026
Fareast:
Thank you for the kind words. This is one of those things that I have really been reflecting on. It's something that happens so easily, and you don't even really notice it happening. You're right too, my wife has admitted to "taking me for granted". I prefer to think of it in a different way though; she used me for years and was likely engaging in this type of behavior throughout our entire relationship. While I thought I had a woman who respected me and appreciated me, she was blowing up boundaries and bad mouthing me to her boyfriend or whoever else would listen. That is a sobering realization. She wanted the security at home, and the fun behind closed doors. While I was out there defending her and doing what I was raised to do as a man, providing for my family, she was making me out to be some negative entity in her life. It's truly unbelievable. It's the ultimate betrayal.
I can assure you that if my wife and I do reconcile, that relationship is OVER. It would have to be something completely restructured. I've seen the truth now, there's no going back.
Pogre:
I appreciate the advice. I have no intention of leaving my house, no matter what. So, no worries there.
