My understanding of TRUE forgiveness is "Im releasing myself from the anger/resentment I have because I will not let what you did control me any longer.
I use a different sentence, but I agree with your formulation.
We move forward from here, and if anything like this happens again, we will deal with it as if it is the first time it happened, because I release myself AND you from what you did".
I'm writing to provide a different view, not to argue that the quote is wrong.
Forgetting is not part of 'forgiveness' for me. The reality is that my W did betray me, and it's safest and most authentic for me to remember that, just as it's most authentic and therefore safest to remember how my W did and did not support and show love for me before and after her betrayal.
When I joined SI, close to 15 years ago, one of the propositions that I read regularly was that one could R without forgiving. That made sense to me then, and it still makes sense to me. Life got a little bit easier after I forgave my W, but just a little bit. IMO, my W earned forgiveness, and it was easier to accept that than reject it. But that's self-reinforcing - whether she earned forgiveness or not, I thought she had (and I had a lot of evidence in support), and it was a judgment I had to make on my own - as does every other BS.
IMO, though, forgiveness for pre-d-day actions does not in any way provide protection against post-d-day betrayal.
I, too, think forgiveness does not necessarily mean R. IMO, it's eminently possible to decide to forgive AND to realize one no longer wants to be together in the future. In fact, in some sitches, a decision to D may make it easier to forgive, again IMO.
But these are issues each of us has to work out for oneself. That may be universally true, not just my opinion.
[This message edited by SI Staff at 5:48 PM, Sunday, November 30th]
