SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

All great suspects.

And a healthy analysis - many men come here secretly believing (secret from their wives) that ther wife wants sex, just not with them. The root causes you have listed here all rational explanations. That’s great to see you are not being ruled by an insecurity.

However, it’s natural and healthy to want sexual intimacy in your life. It’s one of the joys of a living relationship. It’s bonding, life affirming, and great for our health.

I think you have a sound realistic plan for yourself while you continuing to sort things out in therapy. And in the end, if this does turn out to be something she cat or won’t work on, it’s okay for the things you listed to be true and you still do not want to continue the marriage. I have spoken to many men here through my time here and most if not all did not think they should end the marriage over that. Yet, they are not and will never be happy with a sexless marriage.

I hope it doesn’t come to that for you, and that you and your wife begin a new journey together. I love to see things work out. But I don’t like to see people stay married out of any other reason than they want to. I do not feel the alternative does any favors to either person.

[This message edited by hikingout at 6:11 PM, Tuesday, May 5th]

Eric this is likely a bit too personal to ask on a public forum however I do feel it is an issue for you so I will try as delicately as possible.

How does your average sexual encounter look like?

Many partners react differently depending on how the approach to sex is done, it does turn them away because it hits the wrong emotional cords.

You have also something that you seem having trouble to express in this matter, as you struggle to be completely honest about your needs.

I can tell you that from my experience it is all reversible, even with a partner that is sort of turned off by it and her history.

But you have to be open to completely change your understanding and approach to sex eventually.
I would disagree with most about what is considered sex, most likely, before it was instinctive and now is more conscious. Would never go back though.

Maybe you can find a path for you and your partner as well if you really look into it from the ground up.

Post #61:

All great suspects.

And a healthy analysis - many men come here secretly believing (secret from their wives) that ther wife wants sex, just not with them. The root causes you have listed here all rational explanations. That’s great to see you are not being ruled by an insecurity.

No, I'm sorry, I can't. It may be true for some marriages and some women but it certainly is not true for all women nor even most women.

A bigger picture: A lot of SI's advice given by the "R is possible" crowd is based upon 3 or 4 assumptions, stated next:

A. You can heal from your WS's affair while being in their presence even if they are still wayward.

B. A WS never trusted their AP.

C. Your WS was in love with you when they married you.

D. If your WW doesn't want sex with you then she probably doesn't want sex with anyone. Or she has a block.

These A.--D. are all false, or at the very least IN MANY INSTANCES NOT TRUE. I spend so much of my time here calling these out in fact.

Eric, I can understand that it may be comfortable believing in A.--D. but if you do then you are FOOLING YOURSELF, my friend. I want you to have the sex life you deserve and the first step of this is disabusing yourself of things that may sound good but are just not true.

[This message edited by WontBeFooledAgai at 1:32 AM, Wednesday, May 6th]