SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I’m on week 4 of officially deciding to divorce and giving WH the papers- which he is delaying signing but he’s on a work trip.

I’m relieved, empty, sad, scared, hopeful, anxious and at peace all at the same time.

I had therapy for the first time since this latest discovery yesterday and it put a lot into perspective for me.

I think after almost 20 years of this nonesense I am finally ready to put it to rest. As in, I am truly stepping forward with ending this marriage and going full force into healing myself.

I don’t think I did that that first betrayal (10 years ago) I think I expected him to recover, make it up to me and to find a way to stay together.

Now I know that is not truly possible. He’d have to put in so much work in such a monumental way and I’m not waiting around to see if that happens.

Trying to stay strong with no contact. I really want to move through this pain and find out who I am without this struggle in my life.

The start of this new beginning is painful, I know I need to just keep moving in the right direction and not let the pain derail me.

Longtime,
You sound like you are in a good place and ready for the next step in your journey. And yes, , you will feel ALL the emotions, but as you move forward you will feel more of the hopeful and peace, less of the anxious and scared.

And good for you going back to IC. It’s really helpful to have a 3rd party help you hear your own internal thoughts and help you articulate your fears and things you are scared to even think.

Keep on moving forward- there are really good days ahead.

Glad you're doing what is best for you. It's sad to see the end of the M, but sometimes it's what you need to be healthy and happy.

Keep working toward the peace & contentment.

I am so proud that you are doing what's best for you! Good luck on your healing journey forward!

I was married 27 years when I filed 33 when the D was official. When I was M, I really defined myself as a husband and a father. Not a healthy way to define your identity, but it common for men to define themselves their roles and their achievements. That is one of the reasons IMHO that the suicide rate among men is so high after D.

After Dday1&2, I was shattered and the prospect of being alone was daunting. Dday2 was easier for me as I had spent almost a year previously, rediscovering whi was, apart from my roles. It was rewarding digging into myself and finding the person I used to be. Turns out I'm pretty interesting and likable...who knew?

Cutting my WW out of my life was nothing short of liberating. She really was, as still is, a toxicly negative person who sucks the oxygen from the room. Now that I was responsible for only myself, and my kids half time, I felt lighter. Sure, there was still the grief and trauma to process, but we all need to do that.

I'm past that magic 5 year mark, so I consider myself mostly healed, but there is some scar tissue. Funny thing though. Once I was reticent of being alone; now I crave my own company. You might find that as well. Don't underestimate the value of peace and contentment.

Hope your healing journey takes you to a good place.

[This message edited by Justsomeguy at 12:18 AM, Sunday, February 23rd]