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Newest Member: Br0kenButterfly

Just Found Out :
Just had my whole life turned upside down

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DobleTraicion ( member #78414) posted at 11:49 AM on Friday, November 22nd, 2024

It was actually me that contacted her first. My H had no idea. I wanted her to know, after 20+ years of their sordid antics, that I now know and that I am now in control. It actually made me feel better to confront her and tell her what I think of her.

I’m almost definitely not contacting her again and will be blocking her on every level – I just needed to have my say with Her.

OK, I get it. If you wanted to have a last say with that pathetic excuse of a "woman", I understand. Im glad you're cutting her off like the cancer she is. Shes probably working on another schmuck like your WH as we type, and, in fact, may have multiple.

Moving on....

My sons do not know yet and I’m absolutely petrified about telling them, but I know that I have to. One of my sons is fragile, having suffered with his mental health in recent years. And has said that this Christmas is the first Christmas that he’s looking forward to since he was a child.

So I have already decided to keep playing happy families and not to tell them until the New Year.

The balancing act with kids is not easy. May I suggest that when you do explain to your more emotionally at-risk son, you do so with a therapist present? This can be beneficial for obvious reasons.

Sorry, forgot to say, family and friends that I have told are absolutely in shock. Never saw this coming and never thought him capable of doing it. Aways thought of him a a hard working family man who loved his family.

They are worried how I stay with him, get professional help and try to save our marriage. Must admit, I just don’t know but it’s only been 2 weeks since I found out so I know it’s very early days.

See, this is the way it is with charlatans. Others who have bought into their act are absolutely shocked when they are busted and the truth comes out. They played russian roulette with their life, marriage and spouse and eventually lost....BIG.

As to your marriage, I know it is early, but Id encourage you to think of it differently, as in, its been assassinated. Assassinated and cremated. Only ashes remain. The only question is, can something new, authentic and real be built? Even ashes can be utilized to pour a brand new foundation, however, the massive amount of work it will take is daunting in the extreme. I said before it will be well nigh unto a vertical climb.

It is early and you need time to process for sure. As you do, increase your level of self care and keep posting here.

"You'd figure that in modern times, people wouldn't feel the need to get married if they didn't agree with the agenda"

~ lascarx

posts: 420   ·   registered: Mar. 2nd, 2021   ·   location: South
id 8854460
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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 6:32 PM on Friday, November 22nd, 2024

My reco is to question your decision to hold off letting your kids know until next year.

Kids are pretty sensitive. You may have to be a world-class actor to pull off acting for 6 more weeks. In fact, another word for 'act' is 'dissemble', which is generally thought to be soul-crushing, at least some times. It may be best to rip the bandage off now. It'll be difficult, but the sooner done, the sooner healed. Your kids might bounce back by Christmas, the resilient so-and-sos they are.

I'm very sorry your WS has dumped this on you. Congratulations on starting to find your way through this. Looks like you're making good decisions for yourself.

WRT your Mom, 85 doesn't seem old to me. Aw...at 80 I know I don't have the strengths I used to have, but if I live to 85, I am pretty certain I could support my son. Besides, our son went through an infidelity crisis and more when my mom was in her late 90s, and she gave our son a lot of support. My relationship with my mom was not great. She was 92, I think on my d-day, and I kept it from her, but she was still a lot more intrusive with my son than she was with me, and my son just kept her informed. smile

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 30499   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8854567
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