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Bowing Out

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 user4578 (original poster member #84572) posted at 8:06 PM on Sunday, November 10th, 2024

Bowing out of this forum, I'm not getting what I wanted/needed from it and I think sometimes it just confuses me more and keeps me in the opinions of people here rather than the reality of what is actually going on, as it's hard to convey every detail of the relationship here.

Thank you to those who have offered helpful advice and encouragement, that is genuinely appreciated and I wish you all the best in your journeys.

On the other hand, there's a thread at the moment about why engagement here is so low, and honestly, I feel like I'm too soft and vulnerable for this website right now. People will pick up on little things you say and analyse it separately from everything else that's been said and quite bluntly tell you you're basically delusional if you think your relationship is going to survive or that your partner isn't doing enough because they're not following the guidelines set here and so on. People are obviously hung up on their own experiences which is understandable but not helpful to project onto other users and I find some comments quite hypocritical and judgemental.

Again, massive thank you to those who took care in their replies, Groot and NowWhat in particular.

posts: 177   ·   registered: Mar. 7th, 2024   ·   location: UK
id 8853513
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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 8:23 PM on Sunday, November 10th, 2024

I read through a number of threads and found people very supportive of you.

I am sorry this happened and you feel as though this site did not provide what you needed.

People weigh in here and sometimes it may appear as though the person is judging you - they may just be sharing their experiences or a different perspective.

Infidelity is a trauma and no one here would ever discount that. While I don’t agree with everyone here, for the most part we are a collective group of caring people who want to help others survive and thrive.

Feel free to private message me if you want to continue to discuss anything. Or just vent.

Sorry to see you go.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 10 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 14196   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8853516
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Dorothy123 ( member #53116) posted at 8:31 PM on Sunday, November 10th, 2024

Hugs to you.

I'm sorry you've had a bad experience on SI.

Unfortunately, the subject of infidelity is explosive and divisive.

To make matters worse newly the newly betrayed are super thin skinned and are in the worse trauma and pain in their lives.

So, I can understand why it can be a difficult situation.

Hugs to you.

.

.

It's an art to get support from infidelity forum .

It took me months of trial and error to learn how to " take what you need and leave the rest.

"I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!" Wicked Witch of the West.

posts: 5543   ·   registered: May. 7th, 2016   ·   location: a happy place
id 8853517
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Groot1988 ( member #84337) posted at 8:58 PM on Sunday, November 10th, 2024

I will miss you user.

I hope you always feel free to message me if u just need to vent, have questions , or want to just talk. I hope you get stronger no matter what path you choose and maybe we will see you soon. I have learned the people with the most blunt answers mean well, it’s just really hard to hear it sometimes. There is a lot of bitter people here too and I get it. I’ve been there and I may even be there now… so I keep a lot of answers to myself until I get to a place where I can offer advice that is strong but yet soft and comforting. I wish you and your family healing.

God bless! ❤️

[This message edited by Groot1988 at 9:00 PM, Sunday, November 10th]

Married 5 years (together 11) Four children Me Bs 36Him WH 35- 4 month PA Dday Oct 6- lots of TT final disclosure Jan 16.

"If we walk through hell we might as well hold hands, we should make this a home"- citizen soldier

posts: 465   ·   registered: Jan. 6th, 2024   ·   location: Darker side of gray
id 8853519
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Panopticon72 ( member #85106) posted at 9:10 PM on Sunday, November 10th, 2024

Sorry to see you go. Our timelines are the same, and I have always appreciated your responses, so thank you. I wish you all the best and, of course, healing.
X

posts: 89   ·   registered: Aug. 20th, 2024   ·   location: England
id 8853522
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 user4578 (original poster member #84572) posted at 9:59 PM on Sunday, November 10th, 2024

I just wanted to add quickly that there were other users who offered extremely helpful advice, I’m just bad at remembering what username belongs to who!

And wanted to clarify that as much as I had some great advice, I feel like I’m on here too much and need to step back and look at things through my own eyes. I am extremely sensitive lately and just want to focus on some self care and healing and working out how I feel and what I want.

Like Dorothy123 says, I’m a little too thin skinned for the more negative comments right now, even though I know most mean well.

Thank you for all your kind replies and I wish you all the best 💙

posts: 177   ·   registered: Mar. 7th, 2024   ·   location: UK
id 8853524
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Notthevictem ( member #44389) posted at 10:10 PM on Sunday, November 10th, 2024

Hope you heal well!

BH
DDAY Mar 2014
Widowed 2022 - breast cancer

posts: 13509   ·   registered: Aug. 5th, 2014   ·   location: Washington State
id 8853525
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Dorothy123 ( member #53116) posted at 10:16 PM on Sunday, November 10th, 2024

Like Dorothy123 says

"I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!" Wicked Witch of the West.

posts: 5543   ·   registered: May. 7th, 2016   ·   location: a happy place
id 8853527
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little turtle ( member #15584) posted at 10:27 PM on Sunday, November 10th, 2024

Sorry to see you go. Throughout my own journey, I had to take SI breaks from time to time. But I always came back.

But why did you delete all of your posts?

Failure is success if we learn from it.

posts: 5632   ·   registered: Aug. 1st, 2007   ·   location: michigan
id 8853529
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Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 11:04 PM on Sunday, November 10th, 2024

I encourage users to go over the Guidelines:

PUBLIC EXIT ANNOUNCEMENTS: Members come and go, but when you make a hasty announcement that you are leaving, this will result in your profile being banned.

As well as:


DELETING/EDITING CONTENT: Please use the edit feature to make corrections or additions to your posts but do not use it to remove the entire contents of your post. SI.com does not delete entire threads unless absolutely necessary, even at the original Author's request. Members take time to show support and deleting them would be offensive to those that responded. Please be sure you're comfortable with your post before hitting the Send button.

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

posts: 12669   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2005
id 8853535
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