Gut Instict or Anxiety?

So brief recap for those who haven’t read my other posts
My partner is a musician. Had a ONS in February while in a different country for work. Lots of up and down since. He refuses to leave the band/agree to certain things that would make me feel better. Attempting a 180 but seriously struggling this weekend.
So he’s currently in a different country again. I’ve been really sad for this trip for some reason, usually it’s anger, but this time I’ve been quite teary.
The time difference is weird in that he’s hours behind me this time, it’s usually the opposite. He said this country wasn’t very safe and that they were worried about that so would only be going for drinks in the hotel lobby if that. I’ve woken up to a text saying he’s gone back to the organiser’s apartment and it’s just the organiser, his wife, and the drummer from his band there and that he’s not drinking. He didn’t read/reply to my messages after that. Said he’d let me know when he would be leaving so he could call me and the kids. (Told them yesterday he’d be calling at the time he text me instead).

Now I’ve felt anxious while he’s been on trips before, especially when he’s gone out after, but when he cheated I remember having a clear feeling that he was lying to me that night and when he stopped responding to texts I immediately knew that he had done something.
I’ve got that horrible feeling again that he’s lying, just the same sicky feeling in my stomach. I can’t work out if it’s just regular anxiety but it doesn’t really feel like it. I feel like he’s lying either about where he is or who he’s with. And now he’s not responding to my messages.

He has never gone back to an organiser’s apartment before, seems odd to me? In a country where they were worried about safety too? Like how is he getting back to the hotel?

I’ve just got that horrible feeling again and don’t know what to do about it.
Thought the 180 was going well but I can’t even keep that up. It’s too exhausting. I just want him either to do what I’ve asked or go but that’s not financially possible so I’m stuck.

10 comments posted: Sunday, September 15th, 2024

Focusing on Myself

After being determined to separate if my WS didn’t agree to do the things I wanted to do to move forward, I found myself in a weeks-long argument that has drained every bit of mental energy from me and left me exhausted.
He didn’t agree, then did but in a ‘I suppose I have to’ petulant teenager kind of way which tipped me over the edge.

Separation isn’t really possible atm without having a big negative effect on the kids and I can’t take the conversations/arguments anymore, I literally have nothing left in me for it. I’ve told him to do whatever he wants and I’ll see what that is. If by the end of the year there’s been no improvements then we’ll separate so he has to plan for the possibility of moving out when we get to the new year which gives him plenty of time.

My therapist said she thought this was a good idea as it’s all having such an impact on my mental and physical health and there’s only so long I can deal with that. She said the next sessions we have will focus on how to stop myself ruminating, overthinking and focusing on him, and how to turn the attention back to myself and just leave him get on with whatever he wants to do with the option to end the relationship at the end of the year when we’ll be in a better position to make that an easier transition for the kids.

I know I’ll be working on it with my therapist but I only see her fortnightly due to the cost so I’m looking for tips on how I can turn my focus back to myself and stop what he’s doing taking up all my brain space. Any tips would be greatly appreciated as I’m just done with it and want to get my life back.

15 comments posted: Saturday, September 7th, 2024

Spiralling

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Sick of This In-Between Part

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Polygraphs

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Overthinking?

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When to stop asking questions?

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Emotional Affairs

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Dealing With Time Apart

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Having A Really Hard Time

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Reconciled - but now I’m not sure.

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Partner Cheated

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