Justsomeguy ( member #65583) posted at 5:55 PM on Sunday, October 20th, 2024
I don’t want to get divorced you do. I was stressed at work, she is my only friend you destroyed me to other people etc. So I was like what do you want me to do.? You are often unhappy with me for not showing you affection but at the same time have done a lot of damage to me. Why do you want to remain married to me?
Wow, that's some serious DARVO there. Well, minus the D part. It seems like he is the real victim in this situation. My guess is that this approach has paid dividends for him in the past. My EXWW was utterly incapable of taking accountability, showing empathy, or apologizing.
Two years is a long time to endure. I hope you get to a lace of peace soon.
I'm an oulier in my positions.
Me:57 STBXWW:55 DD#1: false confession of EA Dec. 2016. False R for a year.DD#2: confessed to year long PA Dec. 2 2017 (was about to be outed)Called it off and filed. Denied having an affair in court papers.
Divorced
Lemonpie (original poster member #84129) posted at 6:45 PM on Sunday, October 20th, 2024
Thank you for this. Sorry if I am not making much sense. He doesn’t seem to want to leave me alone much this weekend (I think he is afraid I will tell people). So my only outlet for this is here.
He was so reasonable yesterday, I will move out, to today thinking it was all fine, shocked that I was still annoyed. Now saying he will do anything, move country etc but I have heard all this before and all he did was move office locations but still works with her but that is seen as a major sacrifice. I have been cold to him the past few months I know that must be hard.
He thinks I am being mean to him now because I am questioning every time I went home did he end up with her. I know I won’t get the truth. He is like I have just said I was willing to move country for you so all else should be forgotten
HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 9:56 PM on Sunday, October 20th, 2024
Tell him it doesn't matter where you move to. HE is the problem. He's still the man who cheated on you..because he's still cheating on you.
But you are what you did
And I'll forget you, but I'll never forgive
The smallest man who ever lived..
Lemonpie (original poster member #84129) posted at 1:11 PM on Monday, October 21st, 2024
Thank you very much for listening and the replies. I think what I have decided is to move to my country as a family with him. It gets the ap out of our lives and it means I am close to family. It will be hard as I have friends here but I think this is the best decision for us
SacredSoul33 ( member #83038) posted at 4:17 PM on Monday, October 21st, 2024
Wherever you go, there you are. Meaning: Changing location won't stop an EA and it won't change your H into a more loving partner.
I do think it's wise for you to be near your family. I hope you'll feel more supported.
Good luck.
[This message edited by SacredSoul33 at 4:55 PM, Monday, October 21st]
Gasping for air while volunteering to give others CPR is not heroic.
Your nervous system will always choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven.
BluerThanBlue ( member #74855) posted at 4:43 PM on Monday, October 21st, 2024
There's no point in moving out of a house because it has a problem with mold if you plan on bringing the mold with you to your new home.
In other words, you don't have an AP problem. You have a lying, cheating, abusive, unremorseful husband problem.
BW, 40s
Divorced WH in 2015; now happily remarried
I edit my comments a lot for spelling, grammar, typos, etc.
Lemonpie (original poster member #84129) posted at 5:30 PM on Monday, October 21st, 2024
Completely get that, like I have been really off with him the past three days and he is like why? He expects it all to be ok now he has offered to move. However, at least this way I am close to people who genuinely care about me, if anything happens I will have a place to go. The power will be in my favour as he won’t know anyone there but I don’t fully believe he will follow through with this. He promised this after the first dday and then he found out that my family knew stuff and used it as an excuse to not have us move but will wait and see.
He has been following me around worried I will tell people because he knows it is bad what he said on the phone call but has tried to convince me I am over reacting.
