SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So the Christmas will be three years. Mr. Perfect trickle-truthed through five MCs (the last one fired us when I found that he’d been messaging the last one the ENTIRE TIME. I’m tired. The therapist looked him in the eye and said "you’ve shown her she can never trust you again." She was pissed because he was gaslighting her, too.

I am SO tired. I don’t believe he’ll ever stop blaming me. The excuses never end. He won’t allow me to talk about it anymore. He says we could be happy but I won’t let us. I won’t let go.

He gave HPV. In the two years since I was diagnosed, it has progressed quickly and am having chunks of my cervix removed.

Our collage kids know, but just the tip of the iceberg. My daughter actually said, "we thought YOU had cheated Mom. You are so much better looking than Dad!" Oddly flattering.

I make more money than him so divorcing will hurt me. We have a multimillion dollar house I feel guilty complaining because I know there are really women who can’t leave.

He’s ruined our retirement plans. I look forward to a life with a man who I grow more and resentful at. I look at him and am repulsed.

And I love him. He’s the father of my children. I knew the day I met him that he was for me. He told me that I was the girl of his dreams.

He had the highest moral code of anyone I’d ever met. He blames me for his loss of integrity.

I know that he knows that I will never forgive him. I know that I will never get over this. Seven years of an Ashley Madison and then cheated on her with a woman it took him three years and $30k to bed ONCE.

I saw texts where she told him how beautiful I am, but what a hateful shrew I was not to have sex with him.

I wrote her and told her that he gave me HPV so… So he’s been lying to you too, idiot!

And thanks, I really am that beautiful. Oh! And he used a condom with them but didn’t know you could still catch HPV. I told her that he’d had a vasectomy 20 years ago but still either gave her something or caught something from her. He told her he didn’t want to get her pregnant

And I told her since she was 20 years younger than me, she had far more time for it to become cancer.

Sorry to ramble. I don’t believe we ever get over the pain of infidelity. But my idiot handled "recovery" very badly. Has a stupid IC who tells him that he did the best he could "without the tools." I said if you haven’t gotten the tools by now, you don’t want them.

Some men just aren’t fixable. Because they don’t think it’s them.

Is your financial situation worth the pain and suffering you continue to endure?

If you don’t want t to D then separate. Make it a permanent separation. Get yourself financially on stable ground and move forward with your life.

Get rid of him to the best of your ability.

You deserve better and continuing to live with a man who has damaged you to the extent he has is not an option IMO.

Get out. Now.

You’ve lost chunks of your cervix. He’s costed you thousands of dollars from his flagrant spending already.

Yes, it sucks to consider your hard work and have to buy him out in a divorce.

But the costs of divorce are finite. There is no end to the damage someone can do you financially, emotionally, and physically while remaining married.

Think about the rest of your life. How much is it worth to you?

Welcome to SI and I'm sorry that you're part of our group. If you haven't checked yet, the Healing Library has a lot of great resources and is located at the top of the page.

I'm so sorry he's being such an ass about it, too. It would be emotionally exhausting to go through what he's put you through, and the health issues on top just add to the exhaustion.

The1stWife and BluerThanBlue have given good things to consider.

First off...WELCOME to the BEST club you NEVER wanted to join !!!

I can FEEL the tiredness in your words (((HUGS))). YOU aren't a chump Dear Lady. YOU held on to your values and you LOVE this man...there is nothing wrong AT ALL with this .

You are also resentful and repulsed by him...and that is certainly understandable too.

Divorcing him could hurt you. Unless you remarry someone who makes more money than who you are with now. I have actually seen it so many times on here where people who have gone for D with their WS have actually been able to save more money and have gone further along as a single person than they ever did when they were married. You might be surprised at how better off you would be financially without him. An appointment with a lawyer may reveal some nice surprises .

You have MANY choices right now Dear Lady. It is hard to see all of them right now because of all of the gas lighting and outright lying your have been put through .

Don't worry about rambling...post whatever you want on here...however many times you want . It may help to clear some of the cobwebs up in your head...and you may find that you aren't as alone as you are feeling right now !

I am so sorry you have been put through the ringer, no wonder you are tired. This man has taken your peace of mind and health from you and yet continues to blame you for it no just no.

For me the cost of D was worth every penny! To not have to be with the monster he is. My XWS also blamed me, was not remorseful and had given me 2 STDs with multiple A's thank god they were curable.

I had the HPV that became cancer… it’s no joke. (And why I couldn’t have kids).
That alone is grounds for D or S. Some states recognize a legal separation- this would protect your financially while letting you get some distance. Have you talked to a lawyer?