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Newest Member: Daughterofthemosthigh

Divorce/Separation :
Help I feel so lost


 Loulou25 (original poster new member #85029) posted at 12:29 AM on Tuesday, July 9th, 2024

Help I don't know where to turn. Was hoping to reconcile but found out this evening that my WS was sending dick pics to her whilst i was in bed asleep with our sick daughter the other evening. Ive sent him away and have done some more digging and have found some concerning porn habits. Feel like I never really knew him. Feel devestated for our 3 children. They were so upset tonight. They dont know the full story but have told them that my WS is not sure they want to be with me any more. Im so lost. And he is still deflecting and makihg out he is the victim.

Jenny Batt

posts: 2   ·   registered: Jul. 7th, 2024   ·   location: Uk
id 8841914

leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 1:15 AM on Tuesday, July 9th, 2024

Welcome to SI and I'm so sorry. Infidelity is the worst. There are some posts pinned to the top of the JFO (Just Found Out) forum that we encourage new members to read. Also, there are some posts with bull's eye icons in JFO that are good. The Healing Library is at the top of the page and is an excellent resource. The list of acronyms we use is there, too.

Have you seen your doctor to get checked for STDs/STIs? If you're having issues with anxiety or depression, ask for some meds to help you through this time.

IC (Individual Counseling) can be helpful. My second therapist was a betrayal trauma specialist and the exercises we did were so helpful. Your children may benefit from counseling, too.

Focus on you and your children. Practice lots of self-care. Expect your emotions to be up & down - we call it the emotional roller coaster.

Your WH (wayward husband) making himself the victim is very typical. They can't be the bad guy in their own narrative, so they blame the BS (betrayed spouse).

You may wish to change your profile so your name isn't displaying.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 3573   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8841917

WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 2:09 AM on Tuesday, July 9th, 2024

I’m so sorry you find yourself here. Your POSWH sounds like a real piece of work. You cannot reconcile with someone like this. See Attorney. See several. Find out what divorce looks like for you. Get your financial ducks in a row. Make copies of everything and put in a safe place.

You will get through this. (I will truly never understand the dick pic thing. I have yet to meet a woman who is turned on by dick pics. Women either laugh or dry heave.)

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4520   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8841918

BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 3:17 AM on Tuesday, July 9th, 2024

just echoing what the others said- he’s not R material.

This is heartbreaking stuff, but the only way out is to go through it. And yes, your kids will be affected. But they are being affected now. D will be a healthier environment for them.

Sending strength and virtual hugs ((()))

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 6060   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8841920

 Loulou25 (original poster new member #85029) posted at 6:50 AM on Tuesday, July 9th, 2024

Thank you for replying. I'm going to contact a solicitor today or see if I get free legal advice through my work union.

He really is a piece of work. He makes me sick to my stomach. I told his mum what he has done. He still getting angry with me. How dare he.

Jenny Batt

posts: 2   ·   registered: Jul. 7th, 2024   ·   location: Uk
id 8841936

leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 5:48 AM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2024

It's very common because they can't be the bad guy in their own story. DARVO deny, attack, reverse victim and offender. So sorry he's been such a jerk.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 3573   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8842068

HopeToHealSoon ( new member #84876) posted at 5:00 PM on Thursday, July 11th, 2024

I am also very sorry you're here. I am a step ahead of you in the process. Was hoping to reconcile until I found my WH texting and continuing to call his AP. After 3 months, I made the decision to divorce (papers were filed today). I've found this forum incredibly helpful, and I'm still in shock and pain (likely, like you), but we will get through this, one step at a time. Hang in there!!

BW, 49 (kids 10, 13, 14) D-Day: April 10, 2024Separated: April 12, 2024Divorce Filed: July 11, 2024 (after STBXH couldn't do NC and continued to lie about A)

"I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become." — Carl Jung

posts: 11   ·   registered: May. 24th, 2024   ·   location: Central Texas
id 8842179
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