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Newest Member: Daughterofthemosthigh

Divorce/Separation :
Any regrets?


 LittleRedRobin23 (original poster new member #84806) posted at 7:43 PM on Sunday, June 23rd, 2024

Has anyone ever regretted leaving their cheating spouse/partner and got back together at a later stage? Or after the healing period following divorce, was life better when you ended things?

My partner wants us to stay together (after having a 4-year PA) and he has made some positive changes but to be honest by and large we’ve gone back to how we’ve always been and not in a healthy way. I’m leaning on taking a break and separating as still, even after one year post d-day, I have daily thoughts on what is the right thing for me to do and I don’t want that for myself in a relationship (not having clarity) but I don’t know if I’ll regret leaving as he’s a good guy deep down and we have a good friendship within our relationship.

But I want a relationship I am confident in and feel clear headed about and feel peace in. I don’t know if I’ll find that healing together or if I’ll find that from separating and healing on my own. Currently I’m not fully able to show up and be present and enjoy this relationship again, but don’t know if it’s because I’m holding back subconsciously maybe.

I’m scared that so many people have written about multiple partners cheating on them that if I don’t work this relationship out I’ll not find someone else that can remain loyal and I’ll be in this situation again. Or I’m scared that I’ll suggest we separate and come to regret it as I’ll miss him and what we could have had too much?

Feel screwed either way but would be interesting to hear of other people’s stories and experience with this 🙏🏼

[This message edited by LittleRedRobin23 at 7:55 PM, Sunday, June 23rd]

Did not sign up for this shitshow

posts: 45   ·   registered: Apr. 30th, 2024
id 8840650

HellIsNotHalfFull ( member #83534) posted at 12:06 AM on Monday, June 24th, 2024

I’ve never heard anyone say they regretted leaving their spouse after an affair. A few have said how unfair divorce is, or how difficult life has become post divorce, but none have ever said they would go back to their marriage.
Only regret I’ve seen is marriage to someone who turned out to be a cheater.

Me mid 40s BH
Her 40s STBX WW
3 year EA 1 year PA.
DDAY 1 Feb 2022. DDAY 2 Jun 2022. DDAY 3/4/5/6/7 July 2024
Nothing but abuse and lies and abuse false R for three years. Divorcing and never looking back.

posts: 488   ·   registered: Jun. 26th, 2023   ·   location: U.S.
id 8840664

OnTheOtherSideOfHell ( member #82983) posted at 3:54 AM on Monday, June 24th, 2024

I have an aunt who divorced her serial cheating husband and father of her kids. They continued to date off and on post divorce as she never met anyone she loved or enjoyed as much as she did him. They remarried in their 60’s. As far as I can tell he’s quit his cheating. They seem quite happy together rocking grandbabies.

posts: 205   ·   registered: Feb. 28th, 2023   ·   location: SW USA
id 8840669

crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 5:19 PM on Monday, June 24th, 2024

I haven't had one regret since leaving my xWS and we were together a total of 25 years, 19 married and share 2 kids. I have never missed him either. The peace of mind I have now and the happiness I have back with no more dark clouds and triggers. I honestly wish I left a long time ago.

Like the other poster said life has become easier and more difficult in ways, but still worth it in spades, at least for me. I am loving life now. I even met a new man a few yeas ago who has been the most amazing person that's happened to me. He treats me the way I deserved to be treated and makes my ex look like a sociopath. There is love after leaving and I'm in my 50's.

Finding myself again was the biggest prize of all and the person I am today is more amazing than the person I was pre-A's because I know what I want in life now and I have worked on all the traits that had allowed me to have bad boundaries with toxic people. I honor the person I am today and am proud of her.

fBS/fWS(me):51 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:53 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(21) DS(18)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014

posts: 8834   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8840686

 LittleRedRobin23 (original poster new member #84806) posted at 8:06 PM on Monday, June 24th, 2024

Thanks for your input folks appreciate the comments.

@crazyblinded wow - you’re so brave starting again. That’s the thing isn’t it , losing yourself in the process of trying to reconcile surely can’t be a happy result. I’m so glad it’s worked out for the better for you xx

Did not sign up for this shitshow

posts: 45   ·   registered: Apr. 30th, 2024
id 8840703

StillLivin ( member #40229) posted at 4:41 AM on Tuesday, June 25th, 2024

My ex cheated when we were dating the first time. We broke up for about 4 years. I had completely moved on. I had no regrets. However, life (and the military) brought us into the same orbit and we gave it another try.
My regret, I regret ever giving him grace and a second chance. He fooled everyone, his family and friends, my family and friends, even his own kids. He was still the same selfish prick under the mask he wore so well for a few years. That mask finally slipped. My only other regret wasn't filing immediately for D. I went through false R for almost 2 months. I forgive myself foe not filing immediately, though, I was still in shock.
No other man ever got away with cheating on me. I've always felt that it was an immediate deal breaker.

"Bitch please a good man can't be stolen." ROFLMAO - SBB: 7/2/2014

posts: 6099   ·   registered: Aug. 8th, 2013   ·   location: AZ
id 8840757
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