Has been a month since I posted an update. It didn't feel right to continue on my Just found out topic, so made a new thread. As yesterday I discovered something that left me some question marks, not sure what to do with it.
A month ago my WW agreed on some of my terms regarding the D. She would put them on mail, though she didn't even after a few reminders of the mediator. Had to collect the paperwork required for me to retain the house and buy her out. It took some time before we received the report of the home appraisal. Now I have all necessary paper work to keep the house all that wat left was for WW to answer that mail.
She doesn't handle pressure well, which I was reminded of last Wednesday when an elder of our community approached her to have a chat. He told me the elders wanted to check on how she was doing. Whether she shows some remorse and how her faith is doing. No big deal, though in her head it can feel like she is being judged. So I was a bit hesitant to push her while she was already stressed. I could not wait forever, as some of the paperwork expires after a few months. So yesterday I texted her to tell her I send all files and her mail was all that was left. Offered help if she needed to which she did accept. So the same day I came over to help her compose the mail.
She seems open to the D now, no longer trying to convince me to chance my mind. She composed the mail, barely needed my help except for some reminders what we discussed earlier. Then during composing a message did pop up on the screen which she quickly dismissed. I could still read it though, translated it said. "How are you doing, mylady." Mylady? Would you call a friend mylady? Can it be used as just friends? I have a female friend which calls me 'sweety' but she does that for about everyone she cares about. Also it was a name I didn't recognize. The first name however was shared by somebody of for which I have some evidence that suggest they slept together. I dismissed it for now, could be anything.
Some time later another message poped up asking whether she was already sleeping, or have a night off with some emoticons. Then she told me she knew too many persons sharing that name, could be confusing sometimes. Started sharing without me asking. He was a former colleague. His relationship is on the rocks, had a contract for cohabitation. Its no longer valid, though its a bit complicated. I asked whether they were still living together, and she said no. I was like whatever and she continued the mail.
Some time later she shared that he does have a child which she was looking after sometimes. Again I didn't ask. She told some details about he liking pasta. I kind of have trouble believing that story as it has some similarities with an excuse she used to go to a different AP. That story went like she was looking after the children of some friends, she would also make pasta then. Never happend.
Finally the mail was finished and send. We discussed some more details of splitting our household. As well with an odd request that if her mom can take her in sooner whether she could stay a bit longer in this house. I said I am fine staying with my parents for a bit longer for valid reasons, but would like to be back in my own house before the end of the year. I asked which scenarios should I think of, that it would take longer to get her house ready. She was like no, but as I am used to living on my own I would have trouble living under her mother again. Strangely enough she loved that idea a few months ago. She would have to deal with the mess caused by her brother. (She often leaves a mess of her own, but cannot handle others. Noticed her new biking jacket laying on the stairs which wasn't there the day before.) I said she is legally entitled to stay for 6 months after divorse, but I really miss my house. She tries to find her own place but the market is overheated and her budget limited.
I wonder whether she wished to stay longer in the house has to do with secrets she might keep. Things she doesn't wish her mom to know. Also from a christian point of view, she might have an improper relationship with that man. I am kind of worried she looses support from her mom. As finalizing of the divorce is approaching, I do not feel like poking the hornet's nest, would be in my best interests. I simply seem to cannot stop caring or worrying. Try to accept she has a live of her own and whatever mistakes she make are her own. It is just hard to do so.
Did anyone had to deal with a new affair during divorce? And how did that affect the divorce?
