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Newest Member: cobblerock

New Beginnings :
Update to Needing Reassurance

Topic is Sleeping.
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 Perdita1 (original poster member #67654) posted at 1:17 PM on Friday, April 19th, 2024

Thank you to all the people who helped me on my post entitled ‘Needing Reassurance’. Out of the blue, yesterday, I received a text from him. I have not read it yet. I’m not sure that I want to.

posts: 195   ·   registered: Oct. 29th, 2018
id 8833989
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 3:00 PM on Friday, April 19th, 2024

Good luck and let us know how it goes. I hope he's not jerking you around again.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 3567   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8834064
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 9:25 PM on Friday, April 19th, 2024

Please remember that you do not need to respond to all texts. This was SOOOO hard for me to learn. But you can read it (or not) and you don’t have to reply or respond. If you do read it, don’t respond for at least 24 hours or more if you feel the need to respond until your emotions settle back down.

You are strong. You can handle this. Whatever it is.

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 6059   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8834149
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 Perdita1 (original poster member #67654) posted at 9:32 PM on Friday, April 19th, 2024

Thank you both for the support and advice. He sent a follow up text today while I was online, I kind of felt obliged to read it. A few back and forth but I’ve taken the advice on board and not replied to his (somewhat guilt-inducing) last one.

posts: 195   ·   registered: Oct. 29th, 2018
id 8834150
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 Perdita1 (original poster member #67654) posted at 7:02 AM on Saturday, April 20th, 2024

Well now I’ve received a long-ish email (after he apparently deleted my number when I didn’t reply to his last text) formally breaking it off because I ‘wouldn’t be there for him’. Guess there’s the closure that I was feeling was missing.

And that after over a month of silence. All very odd.

posts: 195   ·   registered: Oct. 29th, 2018
id 8834185
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 10:55 AM on Saturday, April 20th, 2024

Ask very manipulative.

He's an ass. Well, he's more than that but I think you've dodged a bullet.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 3567   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8834189
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EvenKeel ( member #24210) posted at 2:31 PM on Monday, April 22nd, 2024

Wow - he just keeps pulling out all the manipulation tactics, doesn't he???

I am glad he is still showing you exactly who he is to help you stay strong on your own path.

I am proud of you. And...gurl.....block HIM from everything!!!

posts: 6903   ·   registered: May. 31st, 2009   ·   location: Pennsylvania
id 8834361
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 8:14 PM on Monday, April 22nd, 2024

Good job. He didn’t get what he wanted, threw a little tantrum, took his football and went home. So immature.
You handled it well. I know it still stings, but he once again showed you his true colors.

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 6059   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8834405
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grubs ( member #77165) posted at 8:54 PM on Monday, April 22nd, 2024

I couldn't imagine asking a gf/bf for financial assistance in his circumstances. For gods sake the bank thought he was too bad a risk to lend him enough. That's scary because they were willing to lend me 2-3 times as much as the amount I would be comfortable with making the payments. It sucks that his life is not going the way he wants but expecting you to allow him to drag you down with him was totally selfish on his part. Bullet dodged.

posts: 1602   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2021
id 8834412
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 Perdita1 (original poster member #67654) posted at 10:48 PM on Tuesday, April 23rd, 2024

The good thing is the month of silence really made it clear to me that this is not how I want disagreements handled in a relationship.

The weird thing - a second email has appeared in my spam folder. That was a surprise.

posts: 195   ·   registered: Oct. 29th, 2018
id 8834526
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 5:27 AM on Wednesday, April 24th, 2024

In Wayne from Wayne's World voice: Schwing!

He's really trying to get something from you, isn't he? laugh

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 3567   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8834547
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 Perdita1 (original poster member #67654) posted at 6:47 PM on Friday, April 26th, 2024

This guy is just so….odd. Like he doesn’t talk to me for a month, then sends a break up email, then suddenly is messaging again as if nothing has happened!

In an ideal world I would just cut all contact. It is very clear to me that I don’t want to date him. Ironically, for someone who used to be terrified of loneliness, I would rather be at home alone than see him.

I am a tiny bit worried though as he knows where I live. So my instinct is to try and fade away ‘nicely’. This is my first big break-up post D. Any advice is very welcome….

posts: 195   ·   registered: Oct. 29th, 2018
id 8834912
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Abcd89 ( member #82960) posted at 7:03 AM on Saturday, April 27th, 2024

I would send him a message saying please don’t contact me again. Any further contact will be reported as harassment.

‘Derek please do not contact me again. Any further contact will be reported as harassment’. Then if he contacts you again - report as harassment.

I think he’s pushing your boundaries hoping to reel you back in. No-one needs that going on in their life. As you say single is better than such nonsense.

posts: 129   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2023
id 8834964
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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 4:13 PM on Saturday, April 27th, 2024

I don’t know him but you do. I’m seeing that he might be trying to hold on simply for another opportunity to try to get $.

He appears desperate and just another jerk who thinks he’s going to just "get what he wants" because he’s so "wonderful". And he can rope you in to make you feel obligated.

I’m torn on whether you should block him in every was possible and do nothing or send the no further contact email. I just hope that doesn’t upset him into a rage.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 10 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 13970   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8834982
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 Perdita1 (original poster member #67654) posted at 11:25 PM on Thursday, May 2nd, 2024

I think I’ve done it! It was a short texting conversation in the end. I just said that I couldn’t go back to the way things were.

I was so scared, so I tried to be ‘nice’, even if that wasn’t needed. But I limited my words, and remembered the advice that I didn’t need to react to every message.

The sense of relief is palpable.

posts: 195   ·   registered: Oct. 29th, 2018
id 8835502
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 4:39 AM on Friday, May 3rd, 2024

👏yay!

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 6059   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8835532
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 Perdita1 (original poster member #67654) posted at 3:23 PM on Friday, May 3rd, 2024

There have been a few follow up messages about how I wasn’t there for him, but I haven’t replied. Don’t really want to, and don’t know what to say anyway. Not much point defending myself as I want to cut contact, and if he thinks I’m awful then he’s less likely to seek me out, right?

It has been a very tiring few days. Hopefully one day I’ll feel lighter again.

posts: 195   ·   registered: Oct. 29th, 2018
id 8835552
Topic is Sleeping.
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