SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Question about how you may phrase certain types of cheating...
Texting with someone about sex and masturbation but not about doing that together. "What movie should I get off to?" for example...it's more than flirting but not sexting necessarily. Just Texting inappropriately?

when I describe the type of texting nothing seems to fit.

It's cheating, "texting inappropriately" is minimizing. Asking someone "how should I get off" is sexting.

The descriptors in front of A don't matter as much as A.

Don’t over complicate it. What you describe is vile and inappropriate. Can you imagine yourself asking such things of someone other than your spouse?

I don't text anyone about movies to "get off" to or about sex unless I'm married to that person. If guess that things have gone over the line before then.

I appreciate the validation of the awfulness for sure However I am looking for language that is a better bit for a writing exercise. It wasn't aimed at minimizing, more for personal reasons. I will stick to sexting for now.

Cyber Affair

Perfect, thanks!

Thanks for clarifying, I agree with Cyber Affair.

I asked a similar question in my first IC session regarding my wife's several affairs and the contact she maintained over four decades with her first AP with whom she had fallen in love, and whose child she bore. All this was done with the expected amount of lying, subterfuge and secrecy. My therapist s answer was that cheating, betrayal, infidelity..whatever you name it, is the keeping of secrets in a marriage, because this strikes at the very heart of the trust and vulnerability of the couple bond, whether you are married or in a partner relationship.

One thing that has always bugged me is how often sexting, sharing nudes, etc. get described as an emotional affair.

To me that is inaccurate. I can't count the number of times I've heard/read a new BS say that their WS was having an EA then describes all of the inappropriate sexual things they were doing over text or snapchat.

If there is a strong sexual component to an online affair, it should be called just that, an online sexual affair.

I think the difference in nomenclature matters because when the BS discovers evidence of the online component of the A, there is always the question of whether it went physical.

Often the BS is in denial about the possibility that possibility, even when the AP is a coworker or someone else that has been in close proximity to WS over a long period of time.

If you call it an EA, I think it's easier to dismiss the possibility that it went physical, even when the online evidence of the A suggests a strong sexual component.

I think there is also a tendency for those not well versed in the topic of infidelity to dismiss the severity of an EA or not even believe such a thing exists. Calling it an online sexual affair would be harder for many to dismiss.

Obviously, I'm not discounting the severity of an EA, and if it is both emotional and sexual, then call it an EA/Online Sexual Affair.

I really struggled with the nomenclature of my wife's affair (as did she). She spent 9 years of our relationship talking to another man about sex, relationship troubles, and sending nude pictures. This was interspersed with friendly chats about work, holidays and family; which my wife used as evidence that "it wasnt all that bad." So in her mind, the whole thing became just a "inappropriate relationship."

In reality, though, it was an affair. Sustained sexual and romantic contact with another man. Plain and simple. In any event, for writing purposes, I sometimes use "long distance online affair" as I feel it sums it up adequately.

Virtual sexual and emotional affair ??