SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My advice is to take exquisite care of yourself and any children. Get yourself the absolute best care for the trauma and (I believe abuse) that infidelity wreaks on people. Eat the best foods you can afford. Get the best possible Legal, spiritual, emotional, health, financial and friend counsel.

I received good life saving insight and advice from Bigger and Far East.

I surround myself with safe people who wish the best for me and I continue to treat the affair partners and the affair supporters like the threat to my well-being they are. I do not go any where near them.

so whats left?

Divorce, followed by the rest of your life.

Really, it’s that simple. Just a bold move to save yourself. Literally, your self. Acknowledge and feel the pain in the moment, then dispassionately form the plan, then act on it. Feel the grief, but do what needs doing. You are in trouble, you need to take action.

Take a look at my profile, the habits of successful survivors. Be those people.

Sending strength!

Wise words from HouseOfPlane…

Especially with your WW’s current attitude:

"I know!!! You dont have to repeat the same thing over and over,Im sorry"!!! Let it go!!!

"Let it Go"

Wow, your WW is so detached from reality, from her actions, from the enormous consequences and your pain. Zero empathy.

You currently don’t have anything to work with.

Sho could just be compartmentalizing to protect herself from the profound realization of the enormity of what she’s done. A very dysfunctional, escapist way of dealing with problems and is typical wayward mentality that probably contributed to her cheating in the first place.

She needs to pull herself out of this wayward mindset, proactively, and get herself into IC, if there’s going to be any chance of reconciliation.

As of now, you have nothing to work with, you’re still stuck in infidelity, she’s still mentally betraying you, and as HouseOfPlane said above, you should start paving your way, even if with baby steps, a path out of infidelity.

This is not a sustainable situation. If your WW isn’t going to take the initiative to fix herself and save the marriage, then you need to take the initiative and save yourself. You don’t want to just survive infidelity, you want to survive and thrive.

[This message edited by RealityBlows at 5:56 PM, Tuesday, March 19th]

HI Toby,

I am really sorry you had to find SI. Betrayal is a really hurtful decision people make. They take the risk, we find the pain.

I just wanted to let you know, that as much as I understand your frustration, I find that meeting the other man was WRONG. The affair does not tell you much about him, unfortunately it tells you a lot about your wife. She is not a passive protagonist in what happened. She made CHOICES to get involved with him.

I have in my dreams to get a big shovel and slam it in the POS, FB's face as much as I wished I had done it to my husband's face as well when I found out. With her after wishing her for a long time to find her happiness somewhere else, away from my husband, I am so resentful with her that I hope cancer will bring justice (now she has win it, but I do hope it comes back and stronger)but unfortunately we have to stop blaming the other person, if anyone is to be blamed is our partner.

The thing I knew from the beginning though is that speaking to her would have meant for me to be exposed to more pain, because I am sure she would have said things to inflict more pain on me or to leave me with more doubts and say things to her advantage (for example so that we would end our marriage, which was what she really wanted as my husband was not leaving me). Plus was that really the way to conquer my husband's heart? NOPE.

She sneaked into our couple because SHE WAS INVITED IN BY MY HUSBAND and you need to come to terms that is what happened between your wife and that man too, your wife is no victim, she made a deliberate choice that she renewed time after time. It is not with rage that you are going to solve your problems, it is not by quitting your job you are solving your problems. Breathe, take care of yourself because you are shattered.

Put the relationship on hold and sort yourself out before you even try to deal with your wife.

I am really sorry you are in this pain. Life seems tough now, try not to make other bad decisions because it can turn worse due to YOUR choices.