180
Sorry to bother the community, but what is the 180 that a few people have mentioned? Where do you find out about it? 
29 comments posted: Thursday, March 14th, 2024
Women's Day
Today many countries dedicate this day to women, especially those whose rights have not been respected.
IN families too often fathers do not contribute enough to raising the children. How many dads take a part time job so they can stay with their children after school, take them to the different sport activities, do their homework together, cook together, spend time together? VERY FEW.
How many dads after work go straight home to look after the children? VERY FEW.
How many men take unpaid leave or paternal leave when their children are born or are very young? VERY FEW.
How many men work part time so that their wife can go on business trips and pursue her career? VERY FEW.
How many dads stay at home when their children are poorly or in hospital? VERY VEW.
How many dads organise child care when it is needed? VERY FEW.
So we live in a society, westernised or not, in which dads rarely act as parents. Then, in case of divorce, the majority of the children live with their mums and see their fathers rarely.
Most dads owe their career to their patient wife who maybe worked but juggled work and family without any time to herself. Yet when divorce takes place they selfishly struggle to divide the assets equally because they were the ones bringing home most of the money. If they just understood why that happened...
62 comments posted: Thursday, March 14th, 2024
Can you read the posts/comments of only one user?
Some threads are obviously full of many comments from different people. Is it possible that you know of, to only read the comments of one person, be it the one who started the thread or just any individual user?
It would be so much easier to follow an individual's story.... hint hint if it isn't possible yet. Thank you for your reply
2 comments posted: Wednesday, March 6th, 2024
Contact with the ex AP
Often in websites dedicated to betrayal I read that any contact with the Affair Partner should STOP, no contact, no communication.
Well, this is the theory.
I am the betrayed spouse. My husband had a long affair with a coworker. They used to go on business trips together and I had no idea he was going with her. He made me believe he was alone or he mentioned other colleagues whom he has certainly been on other business trips with, but he never mentioned her... She was obsessively making jokes on his social pages and interacting even with me. At the time we didn't see each other much because he was on business trips all the time. He came home every two weeks, though, despite a very long trip we had to pay for ourselves.
Since the affair he accepted twice a new role within the company away from home, abroad, and I went with him on his second move. When he accepted the first one he asked me to go initially but then when he moved first and then the idea was he would come back to pick me up and go together, he wrote to me he didn't feel he wanted to come home to get me. That came as a big surprise after a year of couple therapy. Long story short, we worked it out in a year of geographical distance in which we visited each other and kept in contact.
The big problem is, even if we have moved continent and my husband does not see that woman anymore, they work for the same organisation and every now and then I know they have some contact, not professional contact, that is no longer a possibility for that, they have now different and incompatible assignments, but he has her number and she has got his and I know she writes to him (I snooped my husband's phone) and says things like "Despite all, I miss you" She even wrote to him complaining that, even if they are not together, she was expecting a Valentine message. It is clear that they broke up but a thread that joins them has remained, I can IMAGINE my husband breaking up but saying "We will always be friends, you have been important and I will not forget that" otherwise I cannot imagine why she would speak to him like that. She wanted the fairy tale. She has been discarded and yet she is chasing him after so many years, after she had a homosexual relationship, after she has had cancer and he did not support her as a friend would.
My husband's replies to her are always vague and he tries to change topic, but she keeps coming back to him. Only on one occasion I have seen my husband initiate a conversation showing her something that is work related. Last summer we went back to the city where the headquarters of the company are and she wrote to him asking him to go out for a coffee. My husband replied he already had a coffee and was busy, BUT he said to her he would leave on his desk a mini cake for her if she was hungry (for the following days when he was already out of the office).
My therapist said I should accept that certain people will always be part of someone's life if they have been important and if between them there is a friendship that has been created. However she said there is so much evidence my husband has chosen me and loves me that there is no reason to be worried. I can accept that or if I ask my husband to delete her from his life he will do it and resentment will start to grow and he will feel like in prison. My choice.
I know this is the case. I just WISHED SO BADLY that my husband chose to cut off any contact with her, that saw how hurtful for
me it is and how useless it is for them to cling on to memories. I am already worrying because in a year and a half we will go back to our city and they will have again POSSIBILITIES to meet, even if they are on different floors and they are not working together anymore. I know for example that my husband will be asked to go on a business trip to a city in Europe where I know that she travels often. It is in a year and a half but how will I ask my husband not to go on business trips there because I DON'T TRUST HIM FULLY and because I KNOW FOR SURE she does travel to that place, too? He caused all this with his choices!! If I become obsessive and prescriptive my husband will feel in a cage and will want to run away. So how do I deal with all that? It's been 4 and a half years from D day.
Thank you to whoever will suggest something that can put my mind to peace.
142 comments posted: Tuesday, March 5th, 2024
Questions for the wayward spouse
WS only
1 comment posted: Friday, February 23rd, 2024
