SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I feel like I have not touched base with you good people in a while. Life just gets in the way sometimes.

I think I have mentioned that I now have two sons in jail. One should be released in August, and the other one… who has been in jail for so long… should be out in the spring of next year.

I have been trying recently to get through this by looking at what positive things could come out of it. My boys tend to drop the attitude when they go to jail. When they call to talk to us they are very appreciative and very calm and seemingly honest. I just keep telling myself that I pray that my husband and I will both be alive and in fairly good physical and mental shape when they get home. I can’t imagine how horrible it would be to lose someone while you’re locked up.

I will tell you this, I’m going to be a lot richer when they get out. Commissary and Phone time support is getting a bit expensive these days. And I also send daycare money to my grandson’s mother to provide for her the funds that my son should be paying.

One truly miraculous thing that is happening at home is that our son who has had so much difficulty with substances and mental health issues is really doing very well. He has found a girlfriend that is very very important to him, and it seems as though he has wanted someone special in his life for so long that all of his negativity and obstinence seems to have fallen by the wayside. He is helping out whenever asked, chatting with me about every day things. There have been no fights, no resentment toward me. And that is a huge change! I know he still drinking, but not nearly so much.

I had shoulder surgery on Thursday, and on Friday, which is my son‘s day off from work, he came in the den and said to me that he was wanting to spend some time with some friends, but wanted to be sure that I didn’t need him to stay home to help me with things due to my surgery. It was all I could do not to sob while he was in the room.

My husband continues to struggle with abdominal tightness. The home health nurses and the nurse practitioner who comes to see him on a monthly basis are of the same opinion that his abdominal issues are due to internal contractures. He is trying to get up a little more often so I hope we can continue for him to get up out of the bed more and more.

I don’t know what all I have missed by being away from the site for a little bit, but I hope you are all doing very very well… healthy, and happy.

[This message edited by WhatsRight at 2:14 PM, Saturday, February 24th]

Anyone else have any news to share that is going on in your lives? I would love to hear all about it. 🤟🏼

Well, if it’s any consolation to you, read my threads about the Hooterville Drug Cartel, WTAF, and PTSD. Also I tore my left hamstring so that’s been awesome.

Praying for a quick recovery and successful surgery results for you.

Whatsright, so good to hear from you and I hope you recovery quickly from surgery. It sounds as if your boys are getting on solid footing and I am happy to hear about their efforts. Like HFSSC, you carry some heavy loads in your life. I am so accustomed to dealing with families who struggle, like the two of you - and I hope I never lose my empathy for people.

I've had some family members with serious health issues including my only BIL who has been diagnosed with non-Hoskins lymphoma and he started chemo last week. So I've been trying to help my sister (and him) all that I can. The cancer is in several places including the back of his tongue (oral cancer), both lymph nodes, one lung and even in the muscle of both legs. So many people seem to be dealing with cancer these days. As for myself, my health has improved greatly with the new lung doctor taking care of me. My daughter had a bad case of covid and was down for 8 days but is okay now.

My little girl baby doggie has been sick. She started actually sneezing (like people sneezes) and then started coughing. Of course I'm terrified of congestive heart failure and took her to the vet. Right now she's being treated for a respiratory infection and is on medication of antibiotics and cough medicine. She is SO tiny - weighed in at 3lbs.4 ounces at the vet - and she is 9 years old. She's my cuddle doggie and her best buddy the Chiweenie is also a cuddler. The two of them have gotten me through some rough times. Chiweenie is 8 years old. I work at home a lot so they are accustomed to having me around - and vice-versa.

Thank goodness spring is in the air. Nice, warm temps and some of the grass in my front area is turning green and the daffodils are sticking their heads up. It's been a cold, bleak winter so this is a welcome sight.

One day at a time. One foot in front of the other - and think positive that tomorrow will be a much better day.

Jeanie… Reading your last post got me thinking. Many many many years ago our neighbors and "best buddy" couple friends suffered a horrendous loss when their son was killed in a car accident. We of course knew him very well. I had taken homecoming pictures of him the night before, as my son was the four year old crown bearer in the ceremony.

Anyway, as all the friends and family were gathering and preparation‘s were commencing for the funeral service, I asked my friend what I can do for her. I think mostly just to get me out of their hair maybe, they sent me to the store to get pictures developed… Before smart phones… For the service. As I was driving on that errand, I was stopped at a stop light. And I noticed that people were driving by. Turning left turning right. Headed to the fast food drive-through window. And I wondered how in the world could they just go on about their daily lives when such a horrible thing happened. Didn’t they know? I think that’s the first time I have ever really captured the enormity of what kind of horrible things are going on in peoples lives all the time, everywhere. After that time I stopped yelling so much people that would cut me off in traffic or rude people in grocery lines. Because who knows what they have just experienced in their life and they may be just holding on by a hair.

This was all before I found my way here, and the thing that we will not discuss here. And now, looking back on your other thread, Jeanie, SI is like a giant sounding board… "They get it"… Four one of the catastrophes in life. And I have noticed that usually when I come here, it is when either I or someone in my world are experiencing some thing challenging. And SI is that sounding board for one of those life challenging things. Imagine how crazy all of us would be without SI.

Well, what I wanted to say was I sure do hope your family your struggles as well as expected.

I have had a truly bizarre post surgery week. My sister-in-law who came to sleep over and take care of my husband around the clock… Well let’s just say that quite a few things went wrong, including when I walked in and saw her giving my husband one of HER prescription medicines for sleep… Because “he’s having trouble sleeping”. Or, “ I didn’t give him the MiraLAX because he said he didn’t want it“. FOR FIVE DAYS. Now he’s screaming every breath and requiring more than his regular amount of pain meds. I just gave up yesterday morning and I’ve been with him around the clock. He finally is resting peacefully. Meanwhile, I missed my first physical therapy on my shoulder. But hey, I am turning him in the bed, so I am giving my shoulder a bit of a work out.

But as you say, one day at a time, 1 foot in front of the other. AND, when you have a REALLY sucky day, just know that tomorrow HAST TO be better! 😏

Ok, this has been a total babble! Sorry! SMH

[This message edited by WhatsRight at 7:41 PM, Friday, March 1st]

Whatsright, I've definitely found that OffTopic is a grand place to 'babble.' And we all need to do that occasionally. You and Number4 have had some bad health days and I wish for both of you to BE BETTER soon. I've had that shoulder surgery and it's no walk in the park. I can't imagine having to be a care-giver while recovering. I went to four weeks of therapy after my surgery.

Baby girl Bella is a tiny bit better -- her cough isn't so deep. When I hold her and pet her and talk to her just before giving her the medicine, she knows what is coming and those four TINY legs start kicking. Thank goodness for the syringes to get the liquid meds down her. I told them it was useless to prescribe pills and she can find them no matter what I put the pills in and promptly spits them out quickly. I hope she's going to be okay. If she doesn't make it, her buddy will be crushed. The people I got them from bought the Chiweenie for HER as a baby when she was one year old and she still grooms him every night at bedtime and he stays really still. He would be lost without her.

You hang in there and keeping putting that one foot in front of the other!

Sorry, but I just need to get something out

The sister-in-law I was speaking of, who supposedly came to the house to take care of my husband… Who gave him HER prescription medicine to help him "sleep", who did not give him the MiraLAX he needed, and who literally would ask me each night what was for supper… That one – left yesterday, FINALLY.

The night before she left, my husband was very much in pain and very angry. I don’t know who he was angry at, me or her. He was saying he needed to go to the hospital. Anyway, I just sort of took over everything having to do with his care. His Foley became clogged and I had to have the home health nurse come over and change it. He was in horrible pain because she had given him twice as much of some medication‘s, and none of some of the others. I’m sure some of it was his fault because he tries to avoid some things he doesn’t like. But you just have to be sure that he takes the medication he supposed to. It’s not like he refuses, just acts childish sometimes.

Anyway, not to blow my own horn or anything, (after being with him for almost 36 years I should know what I’m doing) – but after about 18 hours with me back on the job so to speak, I had him back in a good place. His pain was being managed by practices and care and not so much only pain medication. He was eating what he was supposed to be eating, and taking his pills when he was supposed to be taking them. I know she loves him very much, but it was almost like she resented the fact that I had got him back to a good place. So the next day she told me that she had called my sister to take her back home. That I was doing everything for my husband, so that she assumes she wasn’t needed anymore. I said OK, and thanked her for "all that she had done to help". It’s the southern way.

Anyway, since she moved back into town, it has been my husband and her habit to get together on the weekends to watch NASCAR. I know. They are the only ones left out of their family of origin and they really enjoy the sport. Anyway, today my husband called me back into the room where he had been sleeping. He asked me if I would be able to go pick her up around three this afternoon so they could watch the race. I told him sure, to let me know exactly what time after he had talked with her. Then he told me that he called her and she said she did not want to come. I said that I was sorry, I assumed she was mad at me. He said that she was probably mad at him.

So, as if her PATHETIC excuse for "helping him" right after my surgery for a week or so didn’t tick me off, I am really mad now. She has the balls to be mad at me and/or him. Yes, I am OCD about many things, but especially so about my husband‘s care. I have worked too hard to get taking care of him down to a science, and I don’t want to lose that equilibrium. And Lord knows he can be a handful at times, but he is also in tremendous pain when he is not properly cared for. And it can happen overnight. And she is upset with us?

Sorry, but it is just rubbed me the wrong way. I take her to and from the store to buy her cigarettes and Sundrops every week. (She literally spends about $500 a month on cigarettes and Sundrop. Yet sometimes she wants to borrow money from me! Knowing things are really tight for us trying to help out with grandkids, and pay life insurance policies.) I take her to and from the bank. I take her to all of her doctors appointments. Sometimes my sister helps. I go and get her and bring her to the house so that she can watch races with him. And take her back home. She has issues with her eyes and cannot drive. No worries. I even enrolled us in a program that provided respite care Financial help. The program does not benefit me at all financially. It means that she comes to the house for X amount of hours and I pay her. And after one month, I turn in forms, and they will reimburse me up to a certain amount of money. It’s not much at all, but I went through the process of getting that set up for her so she could have some extra money. She was coming over anyway, but I looked at it as an opportunity for her.

I suppose I could watch the race with him, but I would truly rather have my fingernails ripped out one at a time. And I don’t think it was as much the race, but she would tell me that he would talk with her throughout the whole race about memories of childhood, etc., that she had not heard him talk about for years. I feel like maybe he is starting to think about his life winding down. And as much as I would wish that we had the kind of relationship where he would want to have meaningful conversations with me… I get it. She is the only one left that can share some of his memories.

And now she’s going to act all pissy and not come over to watch the race with him. I have no idea when I will see her again, but I am already trying to figure out how I am going to remain cordial and not tell her exactly what I think of her.

I guess that’s why I’m telling you all. Because I don’t want to be in a part of putting more of a riff between the two of them.

Feel free to ignore me. I’m just spouting off.

[This message edited by WhatsRight at 11:23 PM, Saturday, March 2nd]

My son called last night from jail. He has about 1 3/4 years to go.

He told me last night that his lady did a check on the release date after the posting this month… Evidently they re-post the release date each month. And yesterday when she saw it it said that his release date was February 15, 2025. That’s like 11 months, y’all. I was with my sister and nieces and I could not help just sobbing.

He sounded so happy.

I want and pray for so many things for my family, but right now the thing that seems to be on my mind is that I want my husband to be alive when my son gets out. I can’t stand the thought that he could lose his dad while he’s locked up. I want so much more for him of course. But that is upmost in my mind right now.

Such great news! It sounds as if he's really dug in and is getting rewards for his good behavior. Happy for him - happy for you!

Yes Jeanie…his behavior is good AND he has a job as a trustee. If I understand correctly, that gives him 2 for 1 time! 😁😁😁