SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Oh, SadieMae. I'm truly sorry you feel this way. Sometimes I get waves of this, and it sucks.

When those feelings creep in, a couple of thoughts (or mantras?) help me to feel better.

1. "I'm an adult, and I can do what I want."

2. "They" (whomever you're thinking about) are not paying my bills, and therefore don't get to have an opinion on how I live my life.

3. Most people are so caught up in their own day-to-day lives, that they're honestly not spending too much time worried about what you're doing. Seriously, how much time do you spend thinking about other people's marriages or relationships on a daily basis? You're probably thinking more about your job, your family, the things you need to pick up at the grocery store, needing to schedule that dental cleaning, etc. Everyone else is thinking those same thoughts, except about their lives, families, errands, etc., and are probably spending very little time wondering about you and your partner.

Hope this helps you like it helps me. ♡

I wrestled with some initial shame after discovery, but at some point I asked myself what I did wrong or why should I feel shame?

All I did was love my family.

I held up my vows.

On my worst day, I can’t cause another human being to choose to cheat.

My wife’s horrific choices don’t reflect on me in any way.

Of course, those choices were devastating, and caused some of the worst pain and trauma I’ve ever experienced. None of it deserved.

The M was burned to the foundation, the deal was broken.

Now, the choice to offer grace, that’s a different deal.

I completely understand why some people do and why some people don’t ever offer a final chance to a person who hurt us the way they did.

The relationship I have now, with my wife — is something I am proud of because how hard we fought for YEARS to make it worthy of both of us.

Shame is an interesting thing because it lays dormant for a while and returns just when I think I am moving forward. I definitely feel shame and embarrassment about staying with my WH. Some women in my circle view me differently now that I am reconciling. Some have outright judged me. I wish I had not told anyone.
Sometimes I feel stupid and weak for staying. If I had a successful career, were physically gorgeous, had a lot of self esteem, would I have stayed? Did I stay because I think of myself as less than? Because I don’t think I can do any better? I hate these times when I am tormented by these thoughts.