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Poll Thread: Attachment Styles

Topic is Sleeping.

 InkHulk (original poster member #80400) posted at 10:37 PM on Saturday, September 23rd, 2023

What is your and your partner’s attachment style?

Me - BH - leans anxious, especially after the A

Her - WW - at least avoidant, I’d guess fearful avoidant.

I’d guess this has been done before, but I’m curious so please humor me.

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. - Max Plank

posts: 1201   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2022
id 8809123

MintChocChip ( member #83762) posted at 12:00 AM on Sunday, September 24th, 2023

Well you know mine...

Me - BS - secure, leaned to a little fearful avoidant post A

Him - WS - dismissive avoidant, leaned to fearful avoidant post A

D Day: September 2020Currently separated

posts: 266   ·   registered: Aug. 20th, 2023   ·   location: UK
id 8809132

straightup ( member #78778) posted at 1:55 AM on Sunday, September 24th, 2023

An online test just told me I’m ‘secure’, but I leaned something more. I’m probably also both sceptical and cheap, because I didn’t pay the five bucks for the full report.

I might try another one.

I don’t think my wife would take one unless I was a bit duplicitous, suggesting it as some kind of parlour game.

I found Myers-Briggs personality tests and personality strengths tests got me pretty accurately and consistently in the past. But I did wonder if they were feeding back to me what I thought the world should be and what I value, as much or more than what I always am. You are saying ‘I’m x’ and they are confirming ‘you’re x’ and your answers are generally consistent.

[This message edited by straightup at 1:58 AM, Sunday, September 24th]

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
Mother Teresa

posts: 296   ·   registered: May. 11th, 2021   ·   location: Australia
id 8809137

Grieving ( member #79540) posted at 2:08 AM on Sunday, September 24th, 2023

I don’t know much about attachment styles, but I just took an online quiz, and so did my husband. I came back as disorganized/fearful-avoidant, and he came back as anxious preoccupied.

I don’t feel like the descriptions I read are a super accurate picture of how we relate to each other and to other people, but they nailed our respective childhoods.

The other thing I realized is that I answered a lot of the questions differently now, after his affair, than I would have prior to his affair. I don’t know how that impacts results.

Husband had six month affair with co-worker. Found out 7/2020. Married 20 years at that point; two teenaged kids. Reconciling.

posts: 562   ·   registered: Oct. 30th, 2021
id 8809139

MintChocChip ( member #83762) posted at 3:12 AM on Sunday, September 24th, 2023

It impacts it a lot.

Secure = love is safe

Fearful avoidant = love might be safe OR very dangerous

D Day: September 2020Currently separated

posts: 266   ·   registered: Aug. 20th, 2023   ·   location: UK
id 8809142

atomic_mess ( new member #82834) posted at 3:29 AM on Sunday, September 24th, 2023

I tested Secure. Sorry, wasn't too impressed with the test questions or result.

posts: 14   ·   registered: Feb. 3rd, 2023   ·   location: earth
id 8809143

WontBeFooledAgai ( member #72671) posted at 4:25 AM on Sunday, September 24th, 2023

I think I am a bit of all of the above. Sorry to bust your stats InkHulk laugh

posts: 724   ·   registered: Jan. 26th, 2020
id 8809145

This0is0Fine ( member #72277) posted at 6:01 AM on Sunday, September 24th, 2023

We are both "secure".

Love is not a measure of capacity for pain you are willing to endure for your partner.

posts: 2501   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2019
id 8809154

emergent8 ( Guide #58189) posted at 8:12 PM on Monday, September 25th, 2023

I just took an online test and got predominantly secure attachment (no real surprises there). My secondary attachment style (which was not particularly significant but not zero) was dismissive avoidant.

I have no idea what my husband's was, though I'd guess he's probably mostly secure with some dismissive-avoidant features as well.

Me: BS. Him: WS. Together 16 years.
D-Day: Feb 2017 (8 m PA with married COW).
6+ years (and two kids) into R. Happy.

posts: 1722   ·   registered: Apr. 7th, 2017
id 8809340
Topic is Sleeping.
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