Topic is Sleeping.
InkHulk (original poster member #80400) posted at 10:37 PM on Saturday, September 23rd, 2023
What is your and your partner’s attachment style?
Me - BH - leans anxious, especially after the A
Her - WW - at least avoidant, I’d guess fearful avoidant.
I’d guess this has been done before, but I’m curious so please humor me.
People are more important than the relationships they are in.
MintChocChip ( member #83762) posted at 12:00 AM on Sunday, September 24th, 2023
Well you know mine...
Me - BS - secure, leaned to a little fearful avoidant post A
Him - WS - dismissive avoidant, leaned to fearful avoidant post A
D Day: September 2020Currently separated
straightup ( member #78778) posted at 1:55 AM on Sunday, September 24th, 2023
An online test just told me I’m ‘secure’, but I leaned something more. I’m probably also both sceptical and cheap, because I didn’t pay the five bucks for the full report.
I might try another one.
I don’t think my wife would take one unless I was a bit duplicitous, suggesting it as some kind of parlour game.
I found Myers-Briggs personality tests and personality strengths tests got me pretty accurately and consistently in the past. But I did wonder if they were feeding back to me what I thought the world should be and what I value, as much or more than what I always am. You are saying ‘I’m x’ and they are confirming ‘you’re x’ and your answers are generally consistent.
[This message edited by straightup at 1:58 AM, Sunday, September 24th]
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
Mother Teresa
Grieving ( member #79540) posted at 2:08 AM on Sunday, September 24th, 2023
I don’t know much about attachment styles, but I just took an online quiz, and so did my husband. I came back as disorganized/fearful-avoidant, and he came back as anxious preoccupied.
I don’t feel like the descriptions I read are a super accurate picture of how we relate to each other and to other people, but they nailed our respective childhoods.
The other thing I realized is that I answered a lot of the questions differently now, after his affair, than I would have prior to his affair. I don’t know how that impacts results.
Husband had six month affair with co-worker. Found out 7/2020. Married 20 years at that point; two teenaged kids. Reconciling.
MintChocChip ( member #83762) posted at 3:12 AM on Sunday, September 24th, 2023
It impacts it a lot.
Secure = love is safe
Fearful avoidant = love might be safe OR very dangerous
D Day: September 2020Currently separated
atomic_mess ( member #82834) posted at 3:29 AM on Sunday, September 24th, 2023
I tested Secure. Sorry, wasn't too impressed with the test questions or result.
WontBeFooledAgai ( member #72671) posted at 4:25 AM on Sunday, September 24th, 2023
I think I am a bit of all of the above. Sorry to bust your stats InkHulk 
This0is0Fine ( member #72277) posted at 6:01 AM on Sunday, September 24th, 2023
Love is not a measure of capacity for pain you are willing to endure for your partner.
emergent8 ( Guide #58189) posted at 8:12 PM on Monday, September 25th, 2023
I just took an online test and got predominantly secure attachment (no real surprises there). My secondary attachment style (which was not particularly significant but not zero) was dismissive avoidant.
I have no idea what my husband's was, though I'd guess he's probably mostly secure with some dismissive-avoidant features as well.
Me: BS. Him: WS.
D-Day: Feb 2017 (8 m PA with married COW).
Happily reconciled.
Topic is Sleeping.
