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Divorce/Separation :
Sadness finally creeping in

Topic is Sleeping.

 kiwilee (original poster member #10426) posted at 3:33 AM on Thursday, September 14th, 2023

As we near the finish line (2 weeks from finalized), the sadness is finally hitting me. And I see it in youngest daughter also.

Over the last year, I was so focused on making sure kids were okay and really distancing myself from WH that I got lost once again focused on care taking (adult kids and elderly mom). I had to stay strong to get everyone through as best as possible. That strength got me through a difficult transition, but now I’m feeling the sorrow.

I have been in IC and he says I’ve been in self and have navigated this with wisdom and compassion. And it really has been incredibly amicable.

I don’t know how to explain it. I think I was so done after discovering more lies and a secret bar life so many years after DDay 1. I just completely pulled away emotionally from WH and was in pure survival mode just going through the actions of getting to finish line. And now that I’m almost there and seeing relief/a bit of happiness on his face , I am sad. I am grieving for this huge loss of the end of our intact family. I know this is the best next step for me so why am I reeling near the end? Nothing in me wants to be with him, but I hate that the family structure is gone.

And I don’t want to believe the last half of my life was for naught. It had to mean something. There was love and now it’s gone and it makes me sad.

posts: 663   ·   registered: Apr. 17th, 2006
id 8807725

leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 4:27 PM on Thursday, September 14th, 2023

It's normal to feel sad. You're probably still grieving over the M, what you had planned for the future, etc. I cried the day the D paperwork was filed. I cried when I got the call that the judge signed the papers. I still get sad around this time, but I'm still fairly recently D.

The last half of your life did mean something and it wasn't for nothing. You don't have the family structure you used to have, but you have the opportunity to create a new one.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 3476   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8807791

BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 8:19 PM on Thursday, September 14th, 2023

Very very normal. You have been directing all that energy and emotion to moving forward. And now it will start to appear now and again. As it should. The sadness is real and you need to go through it. I’m years out and still get a twinge now and again. There is much loss in all this, and how can you not feel sad about it?

Feel the feels. Know that the sadness will subside. And more joy and peace will take its place.

You are doing great.

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 6024   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8807817

barcher144 ( member #54935) posted at 9:11 PM on Thursday, September 14th, 2023

Oh yes, it's a lot to process and assimilate.

I am now 7 years post D-day. And I am a few months short of the third anniversary of my legal divorce. Of course, my divorce lingered for another ~18 months after that due to appeals and other BS.

I am still settling into my new life. And I have plenty of "I should have done this" and "I shouldn't have done that" to consider too.

Go easy on yourself. You can't go back in time but you can learn and move forward.

Being completely honest, this post seems very healthy to me. smile

Me: Crap, I'm 50 years old. D-Day: August 30, 2016. Two years of false reconciliation. Divorce final: Feb 1, 2021. Re-married: December 3, 2022.

posts: 5419   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8807822
Topic is Sleeping.
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