SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Or enjoys a good colonoscopy."

Not to thread jack but I just experienced my first one at the ripe age of 38 and honestly, the colonoscopy itself was a total breeze, it was the not eating anything for the whole day before and the industrial laxatives they give you to make sure that everything is all cleaned out.

I'm empathetic as they come and I consider myself a pretty kind and caring person, but if I learned that my wife's AP died or was in the midst of suffering from some really awful shit, there is absolutely no way in hell that I wouldn't be celebrating as if I had just won the lottery or my team just won the Super Bowl. I'm not going to try and lie to myself and the world with the classic "I don't wish them ill will" bit...nope that the other 8 billion people in this world that applies, but not for that dude, I'm allowed to have one.

What I am looking for re AP is indifference. To me, indifference means not giving a shit one way or the other.

When WH told me AP had been out of work initially, back in April for what sounded like nothing serious, I had a momentarily celebration and then forgot about it completely. Because it didn't matter to me. (Which was freaking awesome - to actually not care that she and WH were not working together - I hoped for that to happen back in 2018-19 every single day) . To me that is evidence of indifference.

When WH told me about her condition, I momentarily celebrated, but then seconds later felt bad for her, like I would feel for anyone who had something like that happen. But for this thread I'm sure I would have forgotten about it already. I've decided this reaction, much like my initial reaction to her being out from work is also evidence of the same - Indifference.

I'm cool with that.

To be honest indifference is not a very human reaction. You felt a momentary feeling of justice followed by feeling kindness toward another human being where you felt guilty about your emotions. All of this shows what an authentic genuine feeling person you are. I agree with all the other people who have said that when reading your post they also felt a sense of being momentarily happy on your behalf. Not that we are bad people but just that we are caring people who care about you. Thank you for putting us all through this thought exercise in humanity.

On my end it resulted in my husband seeing me typing on that purple screen which he associates with me perseverating about our painful past. At first he seemed to shake his head and I asked him whether he was unhappy I was reading in SI. When I told him what you posted and what I wanted to say in response he also empathized with you. So these were all moments of connection for everyone involved. I wish you well you seem like a very caring person.

When I found out where my husband’s AP was working last spring after a long time of wondering where she ended up after she was dismissed from my husband’s company I went and checked out her parked car. I could see in the driver’s seat a note for an oncologist in town indicating an appointment. I also felt a lot of complicated emotions. My most significant feeling was not wanting to tell my husband because I didn’t want him to feel sympathy for her. You seem kind of beyond all that but you had your own set of complicated emotions. Thank you for sharing them with everyone.

Give yourself some grace. Your initial thought was a perfectly normal response.

...death of the AP...?? ..and what he killed.. I could write a book..

smy