Well that a very interesting 'coffee', she has not changed at all, she was sarcastic, critical and very very unhappy, it just radiates out of her. She was here for about an hour and spent most of that time moaning about AP.
My friend had prewarned me that she would be critical and to be prepared for that, and boy was she right. She made a sarcastic remark before she had even stepped inside, criticised the fact that I was still doing painting (I had an area of the floor covered because I was painting the loft access today), the colour choices I have made and best of all that my diet is not going well because I had put on weight, it was all quite amusing really.
I was super polite, and did not respond to her comments, she was trying to provoke me to get a reaction and got nothing, I believe the phrase on this forum is grey rock, well that is what she got this morning. I told her I knew that I had put on weight and this is a known side-effect of the meds, but it was coming back under control since I no longer needed them and had finished taking them, the shock on her face at that point was obvious.
It seemed as if the purpose of her visit was to see if she could get a response out of me, which failed spectacularly, and to spend a lot of time complaining about AP. Apparently he is away this weekend with his mates getting drunk, I could not list on here the many criticisms of him and his friends as it would take too long, but she is particularly bitter about the money he is having to pay his STBXW every month as she is still technically part of his business. She is unsure what is happening with their D, although his ex has appointed a solicitor and is already demanding financial details from him, that D is definately going to be one to watch with your bag of popcorn. STBXWW says that she does not even know if their D has been applied for, as she has not seen a court letter to confirm that the process is underway, the same letter she has received for our D.
She did say several times that there is no rush to progress with our D, but I replied "that I did not know what her future plans were and whether she planned to M AP, but obviously our D needed to be finalised before she could M him." So I just showed her that I am being super considerate of whatever her future plans are.
I have to say her behaviour this morning made the visit very easy for myself, the more she showed how unhappy she still is and the more she was critical of me just reinforced my feelings that this is not a person I want in my life, and that although this process has been/is painful the end result with be more happiness for me, I am in a much better place without her presence. I do feel sorry for her because she is so unhappy and her choices have certainly not brought her any peace, we are clearly now on very different paths to our futures.
So I took the moaning and criticism and turned the meeting to my advantage by getting the end result that I wanted, we have verbally agreed a financial settlement that I am satisfied with, and I got her to sign the next form that I need to submit to the courts, so I can keep the D progressing. The rest of the process should be straight-forward but I am sure she will still manage to throw a curve ball or two before this is finished.
My friend came to see me later in the day and I told her what had been said. Her opinion is that STBXWW was sounding out to see if there was any sign that I wanted to R. STBXWW had been with her friends last night before she messaged me so had probably been discussing the situation with them. My friend is also convinced that STBXWW has realised that life with AP will not be a good life, she knows that she is going to get a large sum of money from me and she is planning an escape route because she will not want AP to get his hands on any of that money.
If my friend is correct what a sorry state of affairs that will be, STBXWW will have walked away from an M that I believed (past tense) could have been saved, a person that truly cared for her and would have looked after her, a financial future that although not rich would have been comfortable and for what, to be left with nothing other than some money, and to be alone, probably still unhappy. To be honest I would be happier if she was happy because that would at least feel that the pain has sort have been worth it, but she seems to have gained nothing and lost an awful lot.
[This message edited by Iamenough666 at 5:35 AM, Monday, November 6th]