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Newest Member: mathemantic

Divorce/Separation :
Just kill me

Topic is Sleeping.
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 Dontgetit4 (original poster new member #83048) posted at 1:23 AM on Saturday, April 1st, 2023

After so many lawyers and consultations and divorce agencies I finally filled, the best I could possibly get was a big fat loss. I don't mean to sound melodramatic and oh woe is me but my life is ruined, my family, my finances, me. I'm pretty much gonna lose everything I have, in debt for the rest of my life, seeing kids on the weekends, it's bullshit. I try to stay positive but I just can't, everything I worked so hard for is broken or completely gone. I hate her I really hate her, no matter how sorry she is, how much she tries, how much of a deal was struck that could actually be passed in court, I hate her I swear to God I hate her.

posts: 49   ·   registered: Mar. 12th, 2023
id 8785235
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 2:46 AM on Saturday, April 1st, 2023

You have been heard. And I am sorry. Many have been in your shoes, and with some time and hustle, they’ve gotten into a place. but it is complete bullsh*t that you even have to.
The silver lining is you will be free of a cheating spouse.

Keep fighting for yourself and your kids.
And again, I feel your pain. It sucks.

Me: BS 55 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 5818   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8785247
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WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 3:29 AM on Saturday, April 1st, 2023

Yes, divorce sucks. Kicking a cheater out of your personal space does not suck.

Feel the anger. Feel the pain. And then get yourself out of infidelity. Come here and vent and rant and scream to us. Many of us have been there, including me. You are not alone. There are ways to live a happy life without the money, family, and white picket fence you imagined you would have. You will get through this.

We understand your anger and pain.

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4500   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8785250
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 Dontgetit4 (original poster new member #83048) posted at 5:08 AM on Saturday, April 1st, 2023

It sucks WSs never feel any pain or feel any punishment for their actions. I know they say they do but they don't. Some even get to eat their cake too and get to act all sanctimonious to BSs. No matter how sorry my wife is no matter how many stupid books or therapy sessions she goes to to figure out why she destroyed her family singlehandedly. There's no deeper reason, no stupid excuse the therapist can sell you like family issues to keep you coming in the door paying with my money. She'll have to live her life in self pity or lie, because nobody wants to start up a new relationship with a cheater, she'll be forced to withhold information to any future partner. It makes me sick. Who knows maybe she'll poison my kids against me next as a treat. I'm the deadbeat dad working overtime until he's dead with no time for his children

posts: 49   ·   registered: Mar. 12th, 2023
id 8785258
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 Dontgetit4 (original poster new member #83048) posted at 5:10 AM on Saturday, April 1st, 2023

Wow that was harsh reading it back. I don't really have anyone to talk to about this

posts: 49   ·   registered: Mar. 12th, 2023
id 8785259
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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 6:56 AM on Saturday, April 1st, 2023

We are here for you!

We understand your pain and frustration. We know your anger and resentment.

Focus right now on maintaining the best relationship with your kids. They need you to be there for them.

Please keep posting here. We will support you.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 10 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 13791   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8785263
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WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 11:25 AM on Saturday, April 1st, 2023

" I'm the deadbeat dad working overtime until he's dead with no time for his children"

I don’t know if you meant this, literally, but as far as alimony and child support, you should not be required to work overtime in order to provide these things. Depending on the length of your marriage, in some states, alimony should not be forever; usually just a few years until your wife can get on her own 2 feet. And a 40 hour work week is still considered a full-time job. There’s a male member here who went through something similar, his wife wanted his income based on overtime, and now that’s just not the way it goes.

As far as how she lives her life and her next relationship, with lies, or the truth, that is not your concern. Let the next guy worry about it. My ex-husband is as awful as they come. He cheated in every possible way with every different kind of person. He is now in a relationship with a wonderful woman for over three years. No doubt he told her he was in a dead bedroom in a loveless marriage and slipped and had "an affair". Maybe 2. I am 100% certain he did not tell her he was soliciting NSA anonymous sex from strangers on craigslist, along with numerous long-term affairs, countless short term affairs, EA’s, ONS, etc etc. However would he explain that to a future partner? However could blame me, his neglectful cold wife, for that? Anyway, my kids love this woman and she is very good to them. That is as far as my concern for her goes. She is an adult and can navigate her own life. (by the way, EXWH has been sure to keep new girl and me apart for over three years. I have never met her. And I don’t blame him.🤣)

As far as your post sounding harsh, let her rip. That is what this place is for. A safe place to let all your pain hang out anonymously. Hang in there DGI, there is light after this darkness. Keep driving forward.

And find yourself an attorney who doesn’t feel you have to work yourself to the bone to support your WW. Perhaps you can give her more assets upfront to minimize your ongoing obligation. There are ways to negotiate. Keep posting. We can take it. Promise.

There’s a thread, "stay no contact post it here 2". It’s a great place to tell off your WW without actually communicating with her. I spent a lot of time there. Highly recommend.!

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4500   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8785270
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jb3199 ( member #27673) posted at 2:26 PM on Saturday, April 1st, 2023

No matter how sorry my wife is

Is she sorry enough to make the divorce amicable?
Is she sorry enough to make concessions so you aren't in such a bad financial deficit?

BH-50s
WW-50s
2 boys
Married over 30yrs.

All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary PuckettD-Day(s): EnoughAccepting that I can/may end this marriage 7/2/14

posts: 4342   ·   registered: Feb. 21st, 2010   ·   location: northeast
id 8785286
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 Dontgetit4 (original poster new member #83048) posted at 6:39 PM on Saturday, April 1st, 2023

As sorry as a wayward could be. She tried but giving me everything doesn't work unfortunately so even this arrangement we have she had to fight for.

posts: 49   ·   registered: Mar. 12th, 2023
id 8785319
cool1

 Dontgetit4 (original poster new member #83048) posted at 4:50 PM on Thursday, April 6th, 2023

Turns out my lawyer didn't know what he was doing so we're good now smile
New lawyer played dirty but he played to win.

posts: 49   ·   registered: Mar. 12th, 2023
id 8785940
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WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 7:42 PM on Friday, April 7th, 2023

Great update!! I knew something didn’t sound right. You’re going to be ok. Believe that, because it’s true, DGI.

ETA, my EXWH tried that. Wanted me to work nights, weekends and holidays because those shifts earn more money, and that would lessen his CS obligation. (I work steady day shift right now). He lost that one. He had to back down because even his own lawyer told him he couldn’t demand that.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 7:47 PM, Friday, April 7th]

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4500   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8786191
Topic is Sleeping.
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