I've been lacking on the site recently as my divorce is proving to be a full time job. We are currently doing 50/50 time which is proving to be hell for my kids, they are so stressed and unhinged. My DS (almost 14) who my STBXH took when he moved out is doing horrible in school, is angry and its breaking my heart into pieces. My STBXH told him basically to hate me, when he saw me to act badly as to which I wouldn't want to take him anymore, so I'm trying to undo that psychological damage the crazy narc shithead has ingrained in my DS's head during the 7 weeks he had him.
I am so grateful to have DS back and on visitation with my DD 15 but the switching back and forth is taking its toll on them.
My attorney has said there's not that much that can be done currently to obtain full custody since there isn't that smoking gun of evidence to take STBXH's custody. They did say by this time next year they will be able to chose at 15 and 16 a full time place to stay--so I am hoping I get them full time then as they said the court will not make them do 50/50 at that age if they chose not to do so. So its going to be a rough one year.
So divorce related, discovery has been traded and I clearly have all the cheating proof I need to use my post-nuptial but both STBXH and I are about $20,000 a piece in payments to our attorneys with no end in sight. STBXH is paying both his rent and my mortgage as both are in his name, he has double of all bills so he's stressed money wise. He had already taken $160,000 in cash from our safe and took another $40,000 from a joint savings in cash. So i refuse to contribute to the bills until that money is turned back in and held by the attorneys.
SO--my attorneys proposed a scenario which I was hoping you could help with.
They did a 55/45% split 55 to me--he gets all the crap, vehicles I dont want, RV.s , mowers etc. I keep my business and properties which have not been appraised and held solely by me. He keeps his business which is impossible to value since he really doesn't keep any real sort of books.
They want me to give him $180,000 cash and refinance the houses's mortgage of $270,000 and we all ride off on our merry way. They WAY they have encouraged me to think about it as is this--the value they gave our home is $1,200,000 without an appraisal I likely can get possibly between $1,400,000 and upwards to $1,800,000 but that depends on the market which is great here at the present (and I'm in real estate) so they think if they can get him to take it I can net another $200,000 upwards to $600,000 and sell once he quitclaims it to me. SO I can get 75% in a round about way just not as it looks on paper with STBXH. He'll see the 55/45 and maybe take it.
But I also have to liquidate a investment property and be a little stressed with a mortgage and the possibility of what the house will really sell for.
Attorneys have said it will be well over a year before we see the judge and the outcome may be the same as present with this deal--not likely worse though. Also I can't get him to help with college for the kids and have already defined the insurance, extra curriculars etc.
IF the judge does hold up my post-nuptial which is solid--although he wont admit to the proof I have, has already lied about the cash hes holding ( I have that proof too) and is already a huge liar and the attorneys have said the judge assigned will hate him and his lies BUT there is always the remote chance things could not end up exactly as it's stated in the post-nuptial.
ALSO----STBH has told my kids he plans to remarry as SOON as we are divorced so I know he's motivated to get this done.
I need your insight and help---I am so stressed and between the sleepless nights and my poor sweet children I am a wreck.
For anyone who doesn't know my saga, STBXH cheated with 13 women before caught in 2016 which lead to the post-nuptial with infidelity clause and was caught again in August 2022 with 4 more women, is a narc, likely a sociopath and who else knows. He's tracked me unknowingly and done some crazy revengeful shit to me. Although we no longer speak and only communicate through email which he reads but NEVER replies so NO co-parenting.
Thanks in advance CT101