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In the initial days/weeks my response was intense emotional pain and crying. I’ve done all the right things. Maintaining NC, doing things w friends and family, new hobbies blah blah blah. I miss him. I miss him so badly I cant stand it and Im really trying. Sat we had a great time with friends on a day trip to an amusement park. while I was there I even thought about how I would and could have never done this while we were together (super possessive, jealous) and then came home that night and missed him. Thought about how much I miss him. I ache for him. I hope for some miracle that he will snap and change and become faithful and honest. I know it wont happen. I get that. I cant reconcile that though. It’s killing me. I wonder if ill ever be happy.

Hey young lady, remember cheaters are just selfish assholes that think if nothing more than themselves.
You need to look after yourself first and foremost. The way to start is just one day at a time. Even if it is just one hour at a time.

Dday2 is so recent that you're still needing some healing time. Give yourself grace during this time. When you start to think about him, try to redirect your thoughts. Yrs, easier said than done but you can start. It's going to take some time before your heart catches up with your head.

Sending ((virtual hugs))

I went through these sort of feelings. I now do not miss WH at all. He treated and treats me horribly. That is who I remember him as. The fleeting "good times" I have been able to look at more realistically now. The glow has left them.

Time is the four-letter word here. But also a little bit of facing the reality. When you start to romanticize him in your head, remind yourself what he did and who he is. I kept a little list I could look at of all the horrible things he did to. It helped when I went down the rabbit hole..

But mostly it is acknowledging that you ARE hurt. That you do miss him. And he hurt you in terrible ways. And that you have to grieve that. You won’t be in this space forever. You will find days getting a little better, a bit at a time.

Hang in there. You are going to be okay. It just takes more time.

It's pretty normal to romanticize and nostalgize our former relationships, especially when faced with the uncertainty of the future. Hell, I was just doing that very same thing 30 seconds ago, sitting in bed with my dog and my coffee. I was wondering g about my last GF. We had a rocky relationship and broke up twice. Yet I still miss her.

So after I'm done typing this response, I'm going to crack open my red flag (RF) file on my phone. You see, I have come to realize that I am largely an idiot when it comes to relationships and picking the wrong women, so when I started dating her, I knew I needed help, so I created a RF file on my phone and documented any questionable behavior so that I could look at it in its entirety. This allowed me to step back and assess things logically and rationally, by passing my stupidity.

What I noticed were some key issues. She was reactive and prone to leading with her emotions, often in a volatile way. She expected me to handle or manage her. She needed constant validation from outside sources...having a bad day, post it on social media and get the requisite "you go girl" responses. And lastly, she could not take responsibility and apologize for bad behavior, a tremendous flag.

I think it might be helpful to write down things about your WH's past behavior that were toxic or unhealthy. Then write down his good qualities, while being objective. This might clarify your thinking.

Shit, I don't think I need to crack that file anymore.