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Newest Member: Lissa

Reconciliation :
What would you do?


 Marlita (original poster member #72286) posted at 6:39 AM on Thursday, March 2nd, 2023

We met 2008. Married 2013. Discovered he’d been with someone else, about 1 week before our 5th wedding anniversary, for years even before I met him!
That said, and ever since, we have never celebrated ANYTHING together!
Birthday, holidays, and especially our "anniversary"!
Still married….out of convenience.
He is very remorseful and somber, and says he’s changed!
My view???? I don’t hate him, but hate what he did to us.
Before I discovered his infidelity , I had him on a pedestal!!!
As a result, I have changed my "wifely" ways, with no problem!
Silver lining? I’ve become super independent!
He’s no longer deserving of having the privilege that I once, happily provided him…breakfast, packing his lunches, homemade dinners, laundry, sexual adventures, etc..
My current situation, I’ve booked a 5 day cruise, with the girls!
I haven’t told him yet, as our situation still sucks.
The kicker?
The cruise is booked for the week of our 10th wedding anniversary!!
I definitely am conflicted as I know he’s not going to be thrilled, but I am!
Any suggestions as to how I can tell him…?
The cruise isn’t until July.
Should I wait to tell him or tell him shortly before the trip?

posts: 115   ·   registered: Dec. 13th, 2019   ·   location: Usa
id 8780205

Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 10:22 AM on Thursday, March 2nd, 2023

Hi Marlita

It sounds like you are stuck in limbo, if I read correctly it’s almost 5 years since Dday. Have you or your H done any work towards R?

R is a hard journey that begins with a remorseful spouse. You have to move along on the journey, healing will not come find you, you have to work towards it.

I think you should tell him now, because communication seems to be missing in your M.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 2537   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8780210

Want2BHappyAgain ( member #45088) posted at 2:04 PM on Thursday, March 2nd, 2023

The cruise is booked for the week of our 10th wedding anniversary!!

After 10 years...that means you can collect on HIS social security no matter whether you stay with him or long as you don't remarry.

I have read some of your past posts...and it seems that you just recently found out more information. This puts you back to day ONE in your healing Dear Lady (((HUGS))). I don't know if your WH ever actually went out with Bob...who he called a "dog"...but it seems you may have some doubts as to his sincerity in being "changed".

Should I wait to tell him or tell him shortly before the trip?

Tanner gave some pretty good advice...especially if you feel that R is a possibility. I'm not sure that you feel R is possible though.

Telling him now would leave him a little time to make up his own plans. IF there is an adultery co-conspirator may be able to find out some information about that by monitoring what he does for those times. Telling him later...may have him scrambling IF he is cheating...which could cause mistakes to happen so that you could find out more easily. In either case...investing in a VAR to put in your bedroom at the least...would help you to verify some things.

I don't know if YOU knowing for certain that he is cheating or not would change your feelings on your situation though. It seems like you are still in so much pain...and I am truly sorry to see you hurting like this (((HUGS))).

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6447   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8780230
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